


SKETCH

by frnklyiero



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Established Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Imported, Multi, Pining, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 10:10:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 77,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16553810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frnklyiero/pseuds/frnklyiero
Summary: "You having a problem with drawing straight?""I'm having a problem with being straight."Gerard Way happened to be the most fascinating sight in school to Frank Iero perhaps besides Jamia Nestor. Every little detail of his perfect features made Frank itch to sketch them.There are just a few problems:1) Gerard is probably straight as a ruler,2) Jamia isn't thrilled that her boyfriend may or may not have been secretly doodling Gerard in his notebook,3) No matter how much Frank practices, his Gerard sketches still look like eggplants with creepy faces on them.A Frerard AU fanfiction.





	1. zero

**Author's Note:**

> this work was imported from my wattpad. no part of this story may be reproduced without permission from me.
> 
> also, you may have noticed the absence of gifs, which i have always used in my fics except for lumos. this is because i chose not to import them along with the fics.
> 
> there have been no changes to the fic prior to posting. everything you read here are as it was the last time it was seen on wattpad.

Frank Iero wasn't the best student in Art class and it was something he had acknowledged from day one when he chose the subject over Calculus for his electives. While he should've given more thought into the other subjects available for his electives, he had that crazy idea that Art was easy and signed himself up for it without any second thoughts.

Needless to say, it was more work than Frank liked and as he was your typical human being who hated putting in more effort than what he thought was necessary - in other words, _plain lazy_ \- he was barely able to pass.

He disliked the class as much as he disliked the moon, which was saying much comparing an academic subject to Earth's natural satellite. While he was told many times that if he had zero interest in Art, he should've at least asked to be transferred to another elective but to recapitulate he was _plain lazy_.

Because of that, he had to rough it out for himself, gritting his teeth instead of coming up with a litany of complaints that either nobody would listen to or earn him a good telling off by his elders.

When his senior year began at St. Helena High School, Art classes began to become a little more bearable since he had kinda befriended Gerard Way, who happened to be the best at the said class, over the summer vacation.

As the year progressed, Frank found himself questioning if it was really worth the trouble holding onto his attachment for a seemingly straight boy who would probably dismiss his feelings while he was in a relationship with Jamia Nestor, his next-door neighbor and childhood friend who acted like Frank's conscience from time to time.

That and the fact that his sketches of Gerard still looked like creepy eggplants with faces and hair attached to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fair warning to those of you who have read this fic before and are rereading this again (for whatever reason) please do not spoil the story.
> 
> Everyone deserves the opportunity to enjoy the story without spoilers.
> 
> If you do not heed this warning, I will have to delete your comment.
> 
> You have been warned.
> 
> Also, please do not stay up to finish this fic. You need your rest more than you need to finish this story.


	2. playlist

 [i'm a mess by ed sheeran](https://youtu.be/-t2CR9qZRj0)

[i'll always be around by waterparks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iYn2UrmSkg) 

[somebody else by the 1975](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bimd2nZirT4)

[fake happy by paramore](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8vsuOXZBXc)

[fools by troye sivan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfD96yRT8cs)

[stolen moments by the vamps](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gGcNXnD9-0)

[this love by taylor swift](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaXXIEl8iac)

[my heart is open by maroon 5 ft. gwen stefani](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AI6epipnlNQ)

[the saltwater room by owl city](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x29v3w9eiBg)


	3. one

Frank hated crowded spaces. It always made him smaller than he already was, which was saying a lot. Being five feet four at the ripe age of seventeen when everybody else towered over him wasn't exactly a confidence booster.

Fighting back the urge to turn right back around and return home, he and his friend, Brendon Urie, headed towards an unoccupied table at the back of the coffee shop. The place was filled with the din of intermingling conversations, sounds of instruments being tuned up and the noises of brewing machines. Resting his elbows on the table, Frank peered around with bored curiosity and turned to the brunet beside him.

"When do you think they'll be coming?" He asked, running a fingernail on the table's surface absentmindedly. Both him and Brendon agreed to meet up with their friends tonight at this open mic event. They had arrived a bit early so the coffee shop wasn't filled up yet.

Brendon craned his head to look around and then shrugged, fishing his phone out of his pocket. "In a few minutes maybe?" He sent a quick text, presumably to the group chat, and received a reply almost immediately. "Ah, Tony's making a pit-stop at Taco Bell."

"Of all the places." The dark haired boy huffed in mild exasperation, sticking out his lower lip. As both Frank and Brendon were next-door neighbors, the two had thought that they'd walk to the coffee shop together and wait for about fifteen minutes for their friends to arrive but since Tony decided to grab something from Taco Bell, it could take longer.

Frank decided to order himself a cup of coffee while waiting, besides stare at Brendon jump in his seat and curse audibly while playing _Five Nights At Freddy's_. Rising from where he sat, he walked right over to the counter where the barista was busy making coffee, his back facing Frank. The other staff were busy setting up the stage so they couldn't serve him right away.

Clearing his throat, Frank said, "Um, excuse me?" His voice was drowned out by the brewing machine percolating. The barista couldn't have head him over the noise, much less past the earbuds he was wearing. Frank frowned, wondering if that was allowed while the staff was working.

It was then when he noticed the barista was dancing a little to the music he was listening to, moving his hips rhythmically and snapping his fingers to a beat. Finding this amusing, Frank's lips quirked upwards as he watched for a bit longer when the barista turned around with a cup of coffee in his hand.

He had his eyes shut, lip-syncing when he opened those hazel eyes and gave a little shriek, jumping. "Sweet mother of God!"

Frank gave a start as well, surprised, when he let out a cry of alarm when the barista spilled the hot liquid on his uniform. The barista swore fluently, flushing almost the same shade as his dyed hair. He looked up at Frank, who was standing there without a clue on what to do, before he grabbed a napkin and set the cup on the counter with a sigh.

"You did _not_ see that." The barista said.

Now that he was closer, Frank could see the name tag pinned but before he could read it, the barista took the cup and dumped the contents in a nearby sink. Pushing his hair back, the barista turned around and plastered a huge fake grin. "Hey, you're that guy from my Art class. Good to see you. Anyway, may I take your order? Today's special is ..."

Frank stopped paying attention to the guy. The animated, fast-paced way he spoke was familiar and Frank had to think really hard to remember who the barista was when it all clicked. "Ah, you're Gerard Way?"

Gerard, who was in the midst of naming all the cakes on display, stopped. "Yep, in the flesh .This is my Mom's coffee shop so I'm just helping out to fill up the free time I have all summer." He replied, not missing a beat nor bothering the fact that Frank had interrupted him abruptly. "And you are? I have a crap memory and Ma's always ranting about it. Anyway, what's your name?"

"Frank Iero."

"Ah, Frankie." Gerard snapped his fingers at the dark-haired boy, winking. For a moment, Frank felt his heart flutter, releasing a sort of rush in his veins. "The guy who sleeps in class and always gets shit grades for Art. Yea, I liked that sketch of that fallen angel thingy you did. It was dark yet aesthetically pleasing."

Frank was stunned, not because Gerard had commented about his horrible grades but because he had complimented Frank's work that gave their Art teacher nightmares. Heat flushed his cheeks as he was struck speechless. "T-Thank you." He mumbled, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

It was that moment when that faux-smile that was plastered on Gerard's face became a genuine one; it made the atmosphere of the noisy coffee shop fade and the pulsation in his veins slightly audible to his ears. The breathless sensation that Frank felt in that brief second was unexplainably new yet the rush in his head was exhilarating.

A fleeting moment passed before one of the staff, having completed the task they had previously been preoccupied with, called out in annoyance. "Gee, don't you have a few orders to finish up on instead of flirting with the customers?"

Muttering incoherent apologies, the red haired boy flashed Frank a smile, a smile he couldn't decipher before returning to the make some coffee. Forgetting the reason why he had walked up to the counter in the first place, Frank backed away, ignoring the confused stare of one of the staff who was about to take his order.

 

* * *

 

The effect of Pete's ghastly poems about unrequited love was lost on Frank.

For one, he couldn't really grasp the fact that Pete wrote a haiku about loving someone who couldn't love him back when he had so many people at school drooling over him. Besides that, he was really focused on Jamia Nestor.

His girlfriend had her hand enveloped in Frank's under the table as they and their friends - Brendon, Ryan, Dallon, Lynn, Hayley and Tony - watched Pete onstage recite his poems from a piece of paper in dark sepulchral tones. Frank wasn't at all interested, in fact, his attention was arrested when Jamia turned her face to kiss him. The kiss itself was chaste peck on his lips, yet it released a happy sort of buzz to bubble in his head.

It was a welcome distraction from Pete's graphically disturbing haiku.

Jamia's dark lashes veiled her eyes as she played with Frank's fingers under the table. "I was thinking of grabbing a cup of coffee. Do you want one too?"

Her question brought up the memory of his conversation with Gerard earlier. Frank glanced around the coffee shop past the bored expressions of other customers (no doubt that Pete's poem wasn't their cup of tea - or coffee, for that matter) and bit his lip. He had pushed the thought of the red-haired boy to the back of his mind when he returned to the table to find Jamia and the others sitting there.

"Frank?"

Frank started, nearly forgetting that he hadn't answered Jamia's question and cleared his throat awkwardly. "Uh, sure."

A smile plastered itself on her features as she stood up and gestured for Frank to follow her. They wove their way around the tables before arriving at the counter. Frank had thought he might see Gerard at the back making coffee but the barista was replaced by a tall bespectacled boy who had his hair tucked under a beanie at the brewing machines. He hadn't noticed them at first, his back was facing them. Jamia cleared her throat but he couldn't have heard her over the noise of the machines.

With a sigh, Jamia pitched her voice loud enough for the boy to hear, "Excuse me?"

The boy glanced up and there was something in his features that looked familiar. He raised his eyebrows momentarily and then called out, "Gee, could you get their orders? I'm busy here."

Frank, who had been inspecting the cakes they had on display, perked up. Sure enough the red-haired boy rushed up to the counter with a sheepish expression. "Sorry to keep you guys waiting."

"Oh, we weren't here for long." Jamia said.

Gerard's eyes landed on Frank and a grin spread across his features. It was an expression that once again set off the twisty fluttery feeling under Frank's ribcage. Frank could only return the smile with one that hinted of nervousness.

Then Gerard's gaze was off him, moving back to Jamia who was now ordering hot chocolate for both him and her. After settling the bill for the both of them, Gerard went to the back and gave the order to the other boy.

"Who would've thought I'd see Gerard and Mikey Way." Jamia mused aloud as they watched the tall boy make their drinks.

Frank frowned. "Mikey?"

"Yep. That guy there." Jamia gestured at the barista. "He was on the Student Council with me. Quite a shy guy but once he talks, he has the room's attention."

Frank made a noise of acknowledgement before his eyes drifted to Gerard who was serving one of the customers by the booth near the windows. "What about Gerard?"

"Isn't he from your Art class?"

"Um." Frank replied, heat creeping up his cheeks because he was embarrassed that he hadn't really realized that Gerard was in the same class as he was. "I guess?"

Jamia's eyebrows knitted together but there was a badly-suppressed smile on her lips. "Lemme guess: you were either sleeping through classes or daydreaming."

He sighed, shaking his head. "You know me too well, Jamia." He pressed a kiss to her temple. She smelled good, like sandalwood. Frank wondered if this was either her new perfume or if this was always her scent.

With a tiny swell of regret, he knew he hadn't been paying much attention to the details around him as he should. If he had, he wouldn't have been so awkward around Gerard.

Slowly, he searched for the familiar bright red-haired boy amongst the crowd but Gerard was nowhere to be seen.


	4. two

The next time Frank saw Gerard was right after the open-mic session had ended. He had gone outside the coffee shop just to take a breath of fresh air when he saw the red-haired boy sitting on the sidewalk, all alone under a pool of light casted by a streetlamp, with a cigarette in his hand.

Gerard didn't notice his presence - he wasn't required to but Frank liked to keep note of that - or anything else for that matter because a stray dog had trotted past him and the boy hadn't blinked. Intrigued, Frank watched him longer as Gerard took a drag out of his cigarette.

"I know you're there, Mikey." Frank started when the red-haired boy spoke. "And don't give me a lecture about how these will kill me in the end." He waved his cigarette. "I know they're not good for me but I swear --"

Frank cleared his throat and shook his head, approaching carefully. "It's not Mikey. I'm Frank." He said. The smell of smoke got stronger and he had to resist coughing and backing away now that he made himself known. "Frank Iero?"

Gerard didn't even so much as glance over his shoulder, instead smirked. He patted on the spot beside him. While Frank was hesitant to catch lung cancer from secondhand smoke, he could tell something was probably bothering Gerard because the guy wasn't talking as much as he had earlier.

Either that or the cigarette the boy was smoking had weed.

Frank sat beside Gerard as the boy blew smoke rings. "Want one?" Gerard asked, moving to reach into his pocket. The dark-haired boy shook his head quickly before Gerard could take a packet of cancer sticks.

"So what are you doing out here?" Frank asked and realized that it was probably the most obvious and stupidest question he had ever asked. "I mean, besides smoking."

"Thinking." Gerard replied.

"While smoking? That can't be good. I mean, do you know what that stuff does to your brain?" Frank had to admit he felt a little awkward around Gerard now for no particular reason. Perhaps it had something to do with the earlier compliment or that it was something else entirely.

Gerard laughed, much to his surprise. "Yea. You're right." Without giving it a second thought, he flicked what remained of his cigarette to the ground and stubbed it out with his booted foot. Dragging a sigh, his hazel eyes fluttered shut. "So the question now is: what are _you_ doing here?"

Frank had to consider his answer. "It was getting a little too crowded inside. And it was getting noisy at my table."

"Not one for a big group, eh?" Gerard asked, amused. "Same here. I hate being in crowded places. Makes me feel small and all that. I can see why you feel that way, though."

At that particular comment that was indirectly aimed at Frank's height, the dark-haired boy couldn't help but feel insecure about himself and heat crept up his cheeks while a fierce pang stabbed his chest. "Nothing much I can do about my height, now can I?" He said, uninflected.

Gerard's eyes flew wide and his lips parted into the shape of a pink _O_. "Oh no, I didn't mean it like that! Good Lord I'm sorry, Frank." He blanched.

"That's okay --"

"It's really not." Gerard flushed as red as his hair. "I'm _so_ sorry. Sometimes - well, most of the time, really - I just say stuff the minute a thought pops right into head and Ma's been ranting a lot about that habit of mine --" Frank was partially relieved that Gerard had gone back to talking at this pace. "Hey, are you ready to go back to school yet?"

Frank, who was staring at Gerard's nose the whole time, started and flushed as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn't have. "What?"

Gerard repeated himself.

"Oh, um. I've never thought about it, really." He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. It was a lie, though. He had been thinking although he was very sure that everything would be the same as it always had. Change wasn't a frequent thing in the town where he lived so why should there be anything dramatic happening on the first day of school?

"What about you?" He asked.

"I'm not. Ready to go back to school, I mean." The red-haired boy replied. "Senior year and all and I'm sure there'll be a lot of pressure on everybody." He sighed ruefully. "Do you ever get tired of people constantly mounting expectations on you?"

Frank was taken aback by that question. He stared at Gerard's curious gaze for a moment longer and instead of forming a reply for the boy's question, he found himself transfixed by those hazel eyes. He found himself admiring those long dark lashes, the perfect curve of the eyebrows, the pointy upturned nose, soft parted lips --

"Frank?"

Blinking out of his reverie, Frank bit his lip furiously and shrugged. "Not really." He said quickly so that Gerard wouldn't think that he had been ogling his features. "Dad doesn't push a lot out of me but I do my best, or at least I _try_."

"Lucky." He couldn't tell what Gerard meant from that cryptic response. The red-haired boy turned his gaze away from Frank in deep contemplation. It was something he hadn't meant to do but involuntarily, Frank's eyes went back to admiring Gerard's features, even if it was just his side profile. It was all the more fascinating when shadows played on it against the light of the streetlamp and the night.

Frank's fingers twitched as a sudden inspiration overcame him. He wanted his pencil and his sketchbook right now. But he couldn't tear himself away from the sight before he had committed it to memory.

"Frank! There you are." He was brought back to the present when he heard Jamia's voice call his name. Gerard, too, was broken out of his reverie, glancing up at Frank's girlfriend past his shoulder; his eyebrows arched slightly.

Frank began to get up as Jamia neared. "Where's everyone?" He asked as she stopped a feet away from him.

"Inside. We were wondering where you went." She said and then her eyes traveled to Gerard. Her nose wrinkled. "Have you been smoking?" She asked, bearing a mildly horrified tone.

Frank paled.

"That was me. I was smoking and this guy here came over to talk." Gerard answered good-naturedly from where he sat with a pleasant smile. "He was good company and he told me cancer sticks were bad but I don't know if he's aware of what secondhand smoke does to him."

"I'm actually aware." Frank said softly as Jamia stared at him disbelievingly. She tutted and enclosed her hand around his wrist.

"Frank and I have to go, if you don't mind. It was nice seeing you here, though. Bye, Gerard!" Jamia said as she drew Frank back into the coffee shop. Gerard smiled after them but as soon as they went inside, Frank saw from the windows, the smile left the boy's expression and an almost sad look passed Gerard's features as he turned back to think about whatever stuff was on his mind before Frank had approached him.

 

* * *

 

Frank didn't sleep that night.

How could he when the memory of Gerard's features was still fresh in his mind?

There he sat at his desk, with the light provided by his lamp being the only source of illumination in his otherwise dark room, he drew and drew. Lines flowed out of his pencil on the blank paper he was working on, a mask of concentration knitting his brow. He was vaguely aware of what time it was nor the song that was playing softly from his iPod dock.

"Um okay?" Frank muttered under his breath as he leaned back and took the sight of his drawing. With a sigh, he shook his head at his own work; the Gerard on the paper looked a lot like an eggplant with a creepy sort of manic grin on it. Flushing with embarrassment and disappointment, Frank crumpled the paper audibly and tossed it into the bin.

Scrubbing the back of his hand on his face tiredly, he was only aware of the state of his desk; pencil shavings, eraser dust and pencils lying about like wounded soldiers in battle. Curling his lip in disgust, Frank got up from his chair, retrieved his bin and swept all the mess inside it.

Once was certain that he had cleared up the worst of the mess, he glanced at his alarm clock at his nightstand. Its display displayed the time, _04:24_ , in a harsh red color.

Frank didn't realize he had spent four hours straight at his desk trying to draw not one, but at least six, sketches of Gerard - needless to say, they all turned out horrifically. In a fit of frustration, he plopped himself down face first on his bed, the frame creaking in protest. He groaned into his pillow and remained there for a bit longer until it was hard to breathe.

"Useless." He muttered to himself as he rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Glow-in-the-dark stars were pasted there from long ago, forming constellations that Frank had forgotten. There were many times when Jamia and he, back when they were little, had slept over in his room and tried to make stories out of the patterns.

It was still a little hard for Frank to believe that Jamia, his next-door neighbor who grew up with him, had transitioned from his best friend to his girlfriend at the end of his junior year. While most of their friends had been speculating that they'd start dating for some time, the news that they actually did shocked a few - Frank had always struck them as someone who didn't express interest in anyone to the point that it caused him ponder if that was true.

But then there was Gerard, who made him feel different in a way he couldn't place a finger on.

Frank shook his head before he could think more and tried to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Business was fairly slow that day at the record store. For the past few hours that Frank had been working, only a total of five customers had entered. Out of sheer boredom, he had already changed the playlist from electronic to classical then to pop before he decided to arrange the CDs at the country section.

He told himself that days like today was a small price to pay for filling up the spare time he had all summer.

Spencer Smith, the store owner's son, had gone out for lunch about five minutes ago so Frank was pretty much at the country section alone arranging some of the albums.

The tinkle of the bell from the front alerted him that a customer had entered. Huffing as he straightened up, he hoped that they'd at least find something they'd like to buy. Fixing his employee's badge on his t-shirt, he pushed back a few strands of his hair and walked to the front.

Needless to say, the sight of the Way brothers - particularly the older one - caught him off guard.

Frank hadn't bothered to comb his hair properly this morning, there were dark shadows under his eyes, and he was pretty sure he looked a lot like he was heading for a funeral after his shift as he was dressed in black from head to toe. Before he had the chance to duck away and regain his composure, Mikey had turned around and called out, "Oh, um excuse me?"

In that moment, Frank panicked and nearly tripped right into a shelf. Flushing hard, he hurried over to the Ways and cleared his throat.

"It's you! Frank Iero!" Gerard broke into a huge grin before the dark-haired boy could say anything. "Who would've guessed you work here?"

" _Gerard_." Mikey hissed admonishingly.

Frank could only smile back nervously. "Summer job." He explained and tried to ignore the fact that Gerard looked extremely good in that blue shirt (despite that it clashed startlingly with his red hair). "What were you guys looking for?"

"Do you have Mariah Carey?" Mikey asked hopefully.

Frank tried to recall where it was but he found it hard to remember as Gerard was studying him closely in a manner that made heat escape from his collar. "You could probably find a few of her albums in the R&B section. Here, I'll show you the --" He broke off in embarrassment, in that moment, forgetting that the R&B section was just to their left.

"It's okay. We got it." Gerard flashed him a grateful expression. "Thanks Frank."

"Her albums on the top shelf." Frank added, almost desperately. He was rewarded with another grin over the shoulder from Gerard, which set off that curious breathless sensation in his chest.

The Way brothers disappeared there as Frank made his way back to the counter where he could watch them. Well, he only did this because he was required to keep an eye on them in case they tried anything funny but he did it mostly so that he could stare at Gerard without looking like a creep.

It was only then when he was aware that while Gerard was older, he was shorter than his younger brother Mikey.

Mikey had reached for a few albums, showing Gerard them. And from where Frank observed, he got a really good view of the back of Gerard.

He let his eyes trail all over the red-haired boy's figure, when his eyes stopped at the boy's legs. Damn, did Gerard's legs look extremely good with that pair of skinny jeans. He glanced down at his legs, also clad in skinny jeans, then back at Gerard's, deciding that they were much better to look at.

Except he was caught, not really, but Frank suspected that Mikey saw what he was up to.

The boy wore a genuinely baffled expression when he noticed how Frank was blushing like mad and trying to busy himself with a copy of a magazine - only to find that it was the Playboy magazine - and tossed it over his shoulder.

Mikey raised an eyebrow. Frank shrugged, quickly raking over Gerard who was busy talking about the albums. Then a smile, a knowing one, crossed the younger Way's features and Frank felt all flustered again.


	5. three

"So I was thinking that we could maybe go to the fun fair this Friday for our date." Jamia said, dribbling a basketball past Frank, who was too tired to even snatch it from her. She leapt and shot the ball straight into the hoop, landing gracefully a few feet away from the tired boy.

"That ... sounds awesome." Frank replied, trying to catch his breath as he bent and placed his hands on his knees. Sweat was rolling off his brow, making him wipe it every now and then. He and Jamia had been playing at the basketball court just right downstairs of their apartment.

Although the two of them had been playing for about fifteen minutes, Jamia had succeeded making Frank feel like he had ran a whole marathon while she had only broke a little bit of sweat. "Speaking of your dad, how's he?" She asked, her tone belying the concern she had for his sake.

He sighed, taking a seat on the benches at the side of the court with Jamia and bounced the ball listlessly for a few moments. He sighed, wiping his forehead with a towel. "He's still working really hard to make the ends meet. It's hard since Mom's left us for that man."

Jamia was quiet, her lips pressed into a thin white line as she stared at Frank as though she was trying to read him for any suppressed emotion that might break out any moment. Without hesitating she pulled him into a hug, earning a protest from Frank. "Jamia! Don't hug me, I'm sweaty!"

"At least you don't stink." Jamia laughed but he heard the slight quaver in her voice. After he had given up on squirming away from her, she patted his head and released him."It's okay, Frank. I'm sure --"

"My father was better off without her anyway." He said in a much quieter voice. Upon noticing Jamia's concerned stare, he faked a smile and nudged her. "Don't you worry about me. I mean, look at me. I'm fine!"

"My granny used to tell me that even if an object looks alright, there are just some cracks that aren't visible." Jamia said.

And Frank couldn't help it but agree, the memories of how his parents used to fight late at night resurfacing to choke him.

But he kept his face straight, as if the divorce didn't hit him as hard as it should have.

 

* * *

 

While Frank and Spencer hadn't been close back in school, their newfound friendship was pleasant.

Spencer had been in History class with Frank and the blue-eyed boy had always struck to Frank as the quiet sort who preferred to stay in the library during lunch - which was something that Spencer did often.

What he didn't know was that Spencer did this so that he could listen to music in peace without having to sacrifice his hearing by cranking the volume up to drown the background noise that was always present in the cafeteria as he read.

As it turned out, Spencer was a really nice and modest guy. It was only today did he find out that the boy was a relative to his best friend Brendon.

"Why didn't you tell me that?" Frank asked as he sorted through the vinyls while Spencer arranged them by genres.

"The question never came up." The blue-eyed boy shrugged with a faint smile. "By the way, how is he? I haven't seen him since last month."

"Hyperactive as always." Frank replied with a laugh. "Also, he still can't make his mind up about Ryan and Dallon."

Spencer looked hardly surprised. "Seriously?"

"Yea. But I guess he does like the both of them enough to not choose one over the other." Frank broke off when he heard the bell tinkling from the door. He got up to see who it was and found Jamia peering around the store. Smiling mischievously, he ducked back down, crawled over to where she was from behind and shot to his feet, exclaiming "Boo!"

His girlfriend leapt in fright, whipping around before realizing it was just Frank and smacked him on the arm. "Frank!" She frowned at him indignantly as the dark-haired boy was laughing. "Hi Spence!" She called out to the store owner's son who was smiling in amusement at her boyfriend's cheeky antics.

Frank wrapped an arm around her. "What brings you here?"

"I thought I'd bring you two something to eat." She held up the plastic bag in her hand. "Made you guys sandwiches." She replied as the two boys regarded it curiously.

"You're the best, Jamia." Frank grinned and took the bag from her, handing one of the sandwich to Spencer and then taking the other for himself. He proceeded promptly to unwrap the sandwich and dug in.

As the two boys munched happily away on their snacks, Jamia amused herself by changing the playlist for the music that played in the store. "Frank, have you gotten the books you need for school?" She called out.

He went to where she was behind the counter, shaking his head. "Nope. I'm thinking of getting them once I know which books we're going to use."

"But they might be out of stock by then." She chided as her boyfriend looked as if he didn't hear her. "We should probably go tomorrow. School's going to start in a week and you need to be prepared." Once she was done lecturing him, she went back to fixing the store's playlist. Frank was halfway through his sandwich as he watched her when a customer walked in.

Just as he glanced up from wiping his mouth with a tissue he saw Gerard approaching the counter.

Frank choked audibly on his sandwich.

"Oh my god are you okay?" Gerard hurried over with a horrified expression as the dark-haired boy struggled to swallow. Jamia's head shot up at the sound of Frank's noises, and with a startling presence of mind, thrusted a water bottle at her boyfriend.

Frank snatched it out of her hand, unscrewed the bottle with such force that the cap snapped off immediately and gulped down the water. It was only when he took a breath from drinking did the full-realization that Gerard had seen him choke at the sight of him cause his face to burn. It didn't help matters that said person was still regarding him with an immensely worried expression. Frank offered a weak smile as Jamia patted his back for good measure as though she were afraid he'd start choking again. "I'm good." He managed.

"Sure?" Gerard was still staring at him.

Frank gave a thumbs-up as Spencer assured the taller boy that he was fine and the two disappeared somewhere along the shelves of the Classical Music section. "Jemmy, you can stop patting my back now." He said irritably.

Jamia could only give him an apologetic look and shook her head at him. "You shouldn't have stuffed the whole sandwich in your mouth." She said, eyeing the empty wrapper in her boyfriend's hand.

"Jamia, I nearly choked to death and is that  _really_  what you can say to me?" Frank mumbled, aggrieved. Jamia simply sighed at him and shook her head once again before excusing herself, leaving the store. At once, Frank regretted saying that to her because he knew she meant well and was only worried for him.

He was about to consider going to apologize to her when Gerard appeared at the counter, placing two albums he had picked up. Of course, Frank had to put the customer first, which meant he had to attend to the red-haired boy who was now fishing the pocket of his skinny jeans for his wallet.

As Frank scanned the prices of the CDs, he was quietly surprised to find that Gerard had chosen the albums belonging to a band that he, too, coincidentally liked. "Didn't know you liked  _Your_ _Catalytic_ _Relationship_." He mused aloud and the red-haired boy grinned at him, causing a small fleeting rush in his veins.

" _Like_  them?" Gerard snorted, shaking his head. "Nah, I don't think that word fully describes it. More like I sold my soul to the band and now I just eat up anything they throw at me." He said with a small laugh.

Frank stared at him, hand frozen halfway to collect his payment.

Gerard flushed immediately. "I mean, yea they mean a lot to me." He amended quickly, veiling his eyes with those long lashes. For the first time in his life, Frank didn't think he'd see Gerard  _embarrassed_  or any emotion remotely similar to that; he thought Gerard would laugh it off and say it was a joke but the boy in front of him was silent, still avoiding his eyes.

"Are you gonna take my money or not?" Gerard said rather awkwardly, interrupting Frank's reverie.

The dark-haired boy started then mumbled a few apologies and took his customer's payment before giving him his change, receipt and purchased items without looking at him. Stiffly, Gerard left the store wordlessly and Frank thought he felt a tiny pang in his chest watching him go.

 

* * *

 

 

The rest of his shift at the store gave Frank plenty of time to contemplate how he had treated Gerard earlier. He didn't mean to come off as rude or like he was judging Gerard but he was surprised that the red-haired boy felt the same way as he did about Your Catalytic Relationship. Needless to say, he was cursing himself under his breath for not coming up with a better response earlier.

He was so caught up in his episode of self-recrimination that he didn't even realize that Spencer was telling him that he was putting the latest arrival of  _wink-732_  albums in the country section. "What?"

Spencer sighed. "Those are supposed to be in the rock section." He sighed and Frank blushed. "What's on your mind? You seem like you've been spending a lot of time in your thoughts for the past two hours; it's almost like you're half-asleep!"

"Sorry." Frank pursed his lips, shrugging apologetically. "I promise I won't do that again."

Spencer only let his eyes flutter shut, like he was counting mentally from one to ten. "Do you wanna get off early? It's only fifteen minutes till closing time and I'm sure nobody will be walking in to buy anything."

Frank was about to protest but Spencer was already retrieving the keys. Deciding it was best to go along with him, he went to the back to get his belongings and returned to find Spencer zipping up his bag. Frank went to flip the  _Hello, we're open!_  sign that was hanging by the door over so that the  _Sorry, we're closed!_  side was visible. He waited until Spencer locked the store up before the two of them parted ways.

Frank was about to set off towards the direction of his apartment but about fifty steps or so he stopped. And he stood there for about a minute before swiveling round on his heel.

 

* * *

 

By the time Frank had reached the coffee shop where he met Gerard, the place was filled with a few customers. It wasn't busy so that situation gave him plenty of opportunities to look for the familiar red-haired boy. Fortunately for him, he didn't have to ask the staff or pretend to linger here for the drinks because right at a booth across the window sat the person he was looking for.

Gerard's head was ducked, bent as he focused on drawing something on a sketchbook. As his hair was long, sweeping his shoulders, the boy had had it tied up to keep the strands away from his face. His features were knitted with concentration and his mouth set in a thin white line. A crease formed on his forehead as he muttered something under his breath, reached for the cup that sat next to his pencils and drank from it.

Frank stood about a few feet away, watching intently as Gerard continued to draw without noticing him. It's now or never, he thought as he straightened himself, inhaled, and marched up to the boy at the booth. But before he could reach there, a girl had already sat down across Gerard and greeted him.

He stopped in his tracks, watching as the red-haired boy look up at her and smile. The expression on Gerard's face took Frank's breath away but it did also make his chest ache. Disappointment fluttered under Frank's ribcage as he walked away. The whim that he'd be able to talk to Gerard about  _Your Catalytic Relationship_  faded to the back of his mind.


	6. four

Frank was attempting to speak to Gerard again the next day.

He was walking down the same street he took last night to the coffee shop where the red-haired boy worked as a barista. This time, though, Brendon was tagging along. He hadn't  _specifically_  asked the brunet but as he didn't mind the company, he let Brendon follow him.

"Can you actually believe school's going to start next week? Crazy how time flies." Brendon mused aloud, shaking his head. He had gotten rid of his fringe-look to make way for a new hairstyle, which involved styling his hair into a quiff and exposing his forehead. Whether this was a better look for him or not, Frank couldn't comment yet.

When they arrived at the coffee shop, Frank peered at the windows, trying to see past the glass if the familiar red-haired boy was working or not. Sure enough, he saw Gerard and immediately followed Brendon inside.

As usual the invigorating smell of coffee wafted throughout the shop, giving Frank the extra confidence he needed to speak to Gerard. He was relieved to see that there weren't many customers present so that meant his chances of having an actual chat with the boy was higher as Gerard wouldn't be as busy. Frank turned to find Brendon and was amused at how fast the taller boy had strode over to the pastries display and was ordering some of the delectable goodies.

"Hey Frank." The younger of the Way brothers, Mikey, greeted as he passed by him.

"Hello Mikey." Frank returned, smiling somewhat nervously. "I was wondering if I could talk to Gerard. About a band." He added hastily when Mikey's lips began to curve into a smirk.

"Oh?" The taller boy grinned at him. "Alright, I'll tell him you're waiting. In the meantime, take a seat." Mikey hurried off to the back where his older brother was making coffee while Frank took a seat by the window. Humming a song under his breath, he stared out at the street as his mind drifted to thinking of how he'd start his conversation with Gerard.

The more he practised various openings in his head, the more ridiculous they got. By the time about two minutes passed, he found himself chewing furiously on his lower lip in an endeavor to think up on something more appropriate than a random pickup line he had invented.

"Hi Frankie!"

Frank's heart leapt and so did he in his seat when he whipped his head to find Gerard regarding him with two cups of coffee in his hands. The sight of that smile plastered on his face made Frank's heart flutter under his ribcage.

"Oh, um, hey." Frank's voice quavered as the red-haired boy set the cups on the table and sat across him.

"Sorry to keep you waiting but I was cleaning up and all." Gerard explained.

The two of them stared at each other for a moment.

"Here, have some coffee." Gerard spoke again, pushing one of the cups to Frank. "No worries. It's on me." He said with an amused chuckle when Frank tried to protest.

Accepting hesitantly, Frank wrapped his hands around the cup before he considered his next words. Unfortunately, his voice failed him when he met Gerard's eyes and then his mouth dried. He was starting to sweat and his pulse was throbbing quite audibly in his ears. Initially, he thought something had malfunctioned in his body and began to panic inwardly before he realized.

For the first time in his life, Frank had never felt so nervous, not even that time when he was told to recite his essay about the existence of boggarts in front of the whole class back when he was in fourth grade with absolute conviction.

Gerard raised his gaze to meet Frank's through those lashes and the dark-haired boy could've sworn he went lightheaded for a moment. The boy across him didn't know, of course, about the effect he was having on Frank. He was sipping his coffee like everything was alright while Frank was struggling not to spill the hot liquid all over him.

"So, Mikey told me you wanted to talk earlier." Gerard began and Frank was grateful he had already put his cup back on the table. "About a band or something." He continued.

"Oh. Um, yea, actually." Frank replied, clearing his throat because his voice sounded higher in pitch for some reason. "So the other day you mentioned Your Catalytic Relationship --" He broke off when Gerard's cheeks reddened. "-- and I just wanted to say that I love them too." He finished hurriedly and then Gerard's gaze lit up with excitement.

"Oh my gosh! Really?" The red-haired boy broke into a huge grin. "I am not alone in this world! Thank you, Frankie, for existing!"

Frank practically shrank back in surprise at Gerard's response, flushing. "You're welcome ... ?"

"Mikey thinks the band is annoying since I basically listen to it every morning - they're a great pick-me-up, by the way - but my brother thinks otherwise. Anyway, which album's your favorite? Well, for me, I can't possibly choose but I absolutely  _love_  Three Cheers For Revenge."

"Ah --"

"And I swear, Bullets is really underappreciated but I guess that's because it didn't receive a lot of publicity."

"I guess --"

"But anyway, I'm glad I finally met someone who doesn't think my music taste is morbid." Gerard grinned up at him from his cup of coffee.

Frank specifically recalled not describing Gerard's music preferences as morbid but he didn't bother to say it aloud. Instead, he tried the coffee again. He was pleasantly surprised to find that it wasn't too bitter, not too sweet --

"Do you like it?"

Frank glanced up as Gerard asked that question curiously and smiled. "It tastes good."

Gerard grinned like he was pleased and then drained the rest of his cup. "Gosh, I love coffee." He said in contentment, putting his cup down with a satisfied expression.

And Frank couldn't help but notice amusedly that there was a bit of foam on the right-hand corner of Gerard's upper lip. He let out a soft chuckle, taking a napkin from the holder. "You have a bit of something on your mouth." He told the red-haired boy.

Gerard simply laughed sheepishly in response, accepting the napkin before he wiped his mouth. He mumbled a thank-you to Frank and then lapsed into silence. There was a sort of distant look in his eyes, and it told Frank he was deep in thought, so he took this opportunity to commit the tiny details of his features.

Sunlight had turned Gerard's long eyelashes a light shade of brown. It also played shadows beneath his cheekbones and his brow. His pink lips were pressed together pensively. Frank was thinking about how he could attempt to draw the Gerard he was seeing now later at home when his phone vibrated against his thigh, emitting the ringtone that he had set for Jamia.

Gerard too was snapped out of his reverie and he watched as Frank fumbled to fish his phone out from his pocket - he was blushing furiously, cursing himself for choosing this pair of skinny jeans to wear today - and answered the call.

"Hey Jemmy." He said, excusing himself from the table and going outside of the shop. "What's up?"

" _Hi Frank! So,_ _I was wondering if you'd like to go get your books and stationeries_." Jamia replied. " _C'mon Frank. You need to be prepared for school! It's our last year there, y'know?_ " She chided when Frank groaned.

"Fine." He relented with a sigh. "But I'm not home right now so maybe afterwards?" He suggested, glancing back at the table inside the coffee shop by the window where he and Gerard had sat earlier. The red-haired boy was staring off into space, his brow now seemingly creased in thought.

" _Alright, sure._ " Jamia responded. " _See you later!_ " And she hung up, letting Frank hear the buzzing tone on his end. Returning his phone back in his pocket, he went back inside, nearly bumping into Brendon. With a start, he realized he had forgotten about his neighbor.

"Hey, I'm just going to head off right now if that's okay with you." The brunet told Frank, his hands laden with a box of pastries and two cups of coffee in a disposable holder.

Frank nodded as Brendon hurried off. He wondered what his friend was up to briefly and returned to the table. Gerard was now drawing on a new piece of napkin with a pen, the sketch looking a lot like --

"Are those my hands?" Frank asked rather curiously, peering at the napkin. The artist of the sketch had captured the details of his hands perfectly, right from the thin white crescents of his nails right to the scar on his left knuckle he got when he accidentally nicked himself - although the size of his fingers didn't look quite right, Frank was certain Gerard definitely had an eye for detail.

Gerard glanced up and nodded. "You have very nice hands and I really wanted to draw them." He complimented and Frank's cheeks heated. The red-haired boy then shook his head. "I'd give this to you but it's on a napkin so - Oh! How about this? I'll give you my number and you send me a picture of your hand?"

Frank raised an eyebrow, unsure to make of that strange request. After a moment's hesitation, he agreed to it and stared as Gerard entered his number in Frank's phone. The red-haired boy slid it back to its owner and winked at him. "I'll see you around, Frankie." And then he got up, taking his mug of coffee with him.

It was only after the boy had made a distance of about ten feet away did Frank remember how to breathe.

* * *

Once again, Frank found himself in a crowded space whilst waiting in line to have his school textbooks checked out at the cashier. The sensation of knowing that so many bodies were present all around him made him feel uneasy. It didn't help matters that there was a particularly nosy mother behind him constantly peering over his shoulder while her child stared at him like he was some sort of fascinating specimen at the zoo.

He glanced over at Jamia who was at a section of the store that was visible to him, perusing some of the notebooks the store had for sale. Although she had a fair amount of unused ones at home, she would usually take the time to buy a couple of new ones - "one can't have too many notebooks!" She'd say. Frank turned his attention back to staring at the space between the shoulder blades visible underneath the tight shirt that the stranger in front of him wore.

As idle minds went, he was thinking of the randomest things possible when he remembered that Gerard's number was saved in his phone. It was hard to ignore the fact now that it was literally prancing about in his head. The urge to check if the boy's number was still there tickled Frank's hands, which were clasping the handle of the shopping basket that held his textbooks, temptingly.

Inhaling slowly, he gave in and reached into his pocket for his phone. Once he unlocked the security passcode and scrolled through his contacts, he froze when he saw Gerard's name. The space between his finger and the message icon was daring him to close the distance and tap the screen.

The hesitant pause was enough for an inner conflict of decisions to battle in his mind. He had already seen Gerard today and surely the red-haired boy could wait for the picture of his hand. Then again, Gerard had seemed pretty enthusiastic about drawing Frank's hand and the boy staring at his phone specifically recalled how he had complimented the boy's hands.

To call or not to call, that wasn't the question rather a war to choose a side and get the agonizing moment of uncertainty over with.

Frank was jarred back to the present when he heard one of the cashiers requesting him kindly to step forward and pay for his books. Flushing hard, he shoved his phone back into his pocket and moved towards the counter.

A couple of miles away, a certain boy finally took a look at the sketch he had drawn earlier, wondering how on earth his muse had such lovely hands and not realize it at all.


	7. five

Frank had remembered how much he hated wearing neckties, thus growing to hate the uniform policy they had at St. Helena's High School. As he struggled to tie the fabric properly, he had his fingers knotted in the process and cursed aloud in frustration at his own reflection in the mirror.

Just then, his father peered round the door into his room with a look of concern. Like Frank, Anthony had the same shade of dark hair although his was short and neat, unlike Frank's which had a untidy fringe that he had to push away from his eyes at times and messy cowlicks at the back of his head. Anthony chuckled, approaching his son and shaking his head. "You're doing it all wrong. Here let me help." He said gently.

"Thanks, Dad." Frank mumbled as he watched his father's fingers tie the knot expertly. He made a mental note to look up for Youtube tutorials so that he'd be at least a little more competent at neckties and not trouble his father this way. Once he tightened the knot to his preference, he picked up his bag and grabbed a toast on his way out, informing Anthony that he was heading for school.

But before he went to the elevator,he stood outside of Jamia's front door. Fortunately, he didn't have to wait long because after about two minutes she was stepping out of her apartment, looking impeccable as always in her uniform; of course she had to, as she was a school prefect but besides that, Frank suspected she had a flair for always appearing unnaturally presentable for any occasion.

"Is there something wrong?" Jamia asked him, worried. "You're looking at me funny."

"I don't want to go back to school." He sighed, fiddling with his tie absentmindedly. "And I hate this tie." He complained, starting to loathe the feeling of having something around his neck.

The corners of her eyes crinkled into a smile as she sighed and shook her head at him. "Well, look on the bright side." She said, leading him by the hand as they made their way to the elevator. "It's our last year at St Helena's. And maybe after that you could take a gap year to sort everything out." After that particular comment, the two fell silent as they made their way to his car in the parking lot.

This morning, he let her choose their tunes for the drive to school and knew he was in for post-hardcore when she scrolled through his iPod and selected the first playlist. Fortunately the traffic congestion wasn't too bad so they managed to squeeze their way out within ten minutes. Finally, they arrived at their destination, greeted by the sight of the school building.

Parking his car in an empty lot, he and Jamia got out of the vehicle and made their way to the edifice before them. The crowds of students present greeted them with the din of various intermingling conversations as they passed the entrance door. Jamia muttered something about how the freshman were disregarding the 'no running in the hallway' rule and excused herself to meet with the other prefects.

Frank was pretty much alone at this point, weaving around and managing not to get trampled on by others. He caught the sight of a couple of familiar faces but otherwise the rest of the crowd was a blur of indistinguishable features. He almost made it to his assigned locker when he heard someone call his name. Unsure, he turned around to see who it was and did a double take when he saw Gerard pushing past a group of students clogging up the middle of the hallway and approaching him with a huge grin.

It was jarring to see that the boy, whom once had brightly dyed-red hair, now sporting black hair; he must've changed it so that he wouldn't be reprimanded by the teachers or prefects. Following behind Gerard was his younger brother, Mikey, wearing a sour expression as he told the students off for blocking the hallway.

"It's good to see you here!" Gerard said to Frank, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. The way he smiled created a warmth to spread around in Frank's veins and somehow his first day of senior year suddenly seemed more bearable.

"Yea. You too." Frank replied, returning Gerard's expression. "So, is Mikey a prefect this year again?" He asked, glancing over at the younger Way who was now reminding a boy and a girl to tone down their public displays of affection.

Gerard sighed and shook his head. "Unfortunately. And so continues his reign of terror once again." He mused aloud in a dramatic tone, lips quirking upwards into an affectionate look for his brother. "Anyway, I've gotta get ready for the general assembly later on. Hopefully, we'll be in the same Art class together, yea?"

Frank's eyes rounded incredulously. Did Gerard seriously say what he thought he had heard? With heat rushing into his cheeks, he mumbled something inaudible under his breath as he watched the boy turn down the hallway. His heart was racing, filling his head with a rush when it sank in that Gerard really wanted to be in the same class with him. With a giddy smile, he too hoped for the same while he deposited his belongings in his locker.

After that, he wandered down the crowded hallways, still warm and fluttery from Gerard's words when he found Lynn and Brendon conversing with each other, using a lot of gesticulations. Wondering what was wrong, he approached them only to realize they were in a heated discussion about the sports team.

"I'm telling you! Dallon's obviously going to be in the basketball to him. Have you even  _seen_  his height?" Lynn was saying.

"Yea, there's that but I've already had my eyes on him for the soccer team." Brendon argued.

She snorted. "Please, that's not the  _only_  thing you've got your eyes -- Oh, hey Frank!"

Frank shot both her and Brendon a smile. "So are you two going to attend the tryouts for the school sports team again?" He asked.

"Obviously, I'm going to make it into the team." Brendon said rather confidently while Lynn shot him a somewhat annoyed glare.

"Totally." She hummed then cocked her head at Frank. "Why don't you join the swim team? I heard you used to compete back in elememtary." She said.

Frank flushed, shaking his head. "I decided a long time ago that swimming just wasn't for me." He answered and remembered how often he used to swim back then until he developed an aversion for the smell of chlorinated water; he only attended classes and participated in competitions simply because his mother, Linda, insisted. The thought of Linda now made a bitter knot tighten in his chest.

Fortunately, Lynn and Brendon had begun to debate over which students would be nominated for student president this year to even ask him if he was okay. Knowing that his presence in the conversation wouldn't be missed he drifted away and wandered about until the overhead speakers requested that all students were to gather in the auditorium for the general assembly. Following the crowd, he occasionally walked on his tiptoes and peered around in search of his friends but there just too many heads in the way.

Once he arrived at the auditorium, the place was half-filled already. He saw the curious faces of freshmen glancing around, the bored looks sophomores were giving everyone and the annoyed expressions worn by the juniors and seniors. Frank knew they would be using the same welcoming speech again - it had never changed ever since the day he first set foot at St. Helena's - and that everyone would be listening to Headmaster Phillips drone on in his monotone voice that had quite a soporific effect.

He moved to the third from from the back, feeling a tinge of relief at seeing that he wouldn't be squeezing in with all the students in the front and a prickle of loneliness as he settled himself at an empty seat beside a pair of twins who were chattering away excitedly. Where he sat, he had a pretty good view of the lectern where the headmaster would stand and deliver his speech placed in the middle of the stage and everybody's heads.

Soon, the hall quieted as the Headmaster stepped onstage and tapped the microphone twice to make sure it was working. And Frank began to block out his words by daydreaming, not intending to fall asleep halfway through the assembly. While he was thinking about what he'd have for lunch at the cafeteria, a certain hazel-eyed boy weaseled into his mind talking about the randomest things. The corners of his lips turned upwards at the thoughts of Gerard.

At this point, Frank was pondering how he never actually took the chance to know the boy when somebody down the row to his left was squeezing their way through to get out. He didn't pay much attention, instead shifted in his seat to make enough space between his knees and the back of the seat in front of him so that person could pass. It wasn't like they needed a lot of space but that student somehow sat on Frank's lap because he couldn't walk past him.

The weight on his thighs nearly crushed his legs and Frank was about to scold at the person for interrupting his thoughts when the person glanced over his shoulder.

"Oh, Frankie?!" It was Gerard and the annoyed response Frank had lodged itself in his throat so he was staring at the boy on his lap with an open mouth.

"I'm so sorry." Gerard's cheeks reddened as he got up hastily and sat beside Frank, looking awfully apologetic. "Lost my balance earlier. You okay?" He asked in concern.

Frank tried to answer but all he could think of was the feeling of Gerard's butt on his lap and that was bringing blood rushing into his cheeks - it also didn't help that Gerard's hand was on his knee while the boy regarded him worriedly. Frank turned his face away quickly before Gerard could see the blush on his pale cheeks.

"Um, you nearly broke my legs but I'm alright, I guess." The younger boy mumbled.

Gerard said something in acknowledgement and nodded before sitting back. The whole time, Frank could feel the tension coiling in the pit of his stomach as he waited for the boy to say something; Frank wasn't very good at starting conversations without boring questions like "what do you think of the weather today?" or "what are you going to have for lunch?" so it made perfect sense that Gerard would roll the ball, what with his tendency to talk a lot

If anything, Frank was forced to initiate a discussion if he wanted to hear Gerard speak at all because the boy had his ears plugged up by earbuds. Nervousness was drumming a beat against his ribcage as he glanced at Gerard repeatedly, trying so hard to think of something to spark the boy's interest.

"What are you listening to?" Frank asked, picking the question that was right at the top of his head.

Gerard raised his eyebrows in confusion before he realized the younger boy was speaking to him. He yanked his earbuds out and frowned. "Sorry, what?"

Frank repeated his question again.

"A band called  _The_   _Manipulated_." Gerard replied. "They're really good. I'm listening to their album  _Imaginary Enemy_." He informed and when he was greeted with Frank's interested expression, he let out a soft laugh and offered one of his earbuds. "Here."

Frank glanced at it before checking if any of the teachers who were prowling the rows were seated already. Certain that he wouldn't be told off for not paying attention to the Headmaster's not-so-important speech, he accepted the earbud and placed it in his right ear.

While he was enjoying the music, he was enjoying Gerard's company more than he did listening to the lyrics. It wasn't until the second song did Gerard start to hum along and soon enough, Frank was paying more attention to Gerard's voice that the band's vocalist.

It didn't matter when Gerard hit a few notes wrong or that he messed the lyrics up - only to laugh about it later - but Frank thought the sound of Gerard singing made it to his list of the best things he had heard today.

 

* * *

 

Once the assembly was over, both Frank and Gerard went to collect their schedules from the teachers. When Frank received his copy after waiting in line, he went back to find the older boy but the room was so noisy and bustling with students milling about in his year - even when they were told off by the teachers to leave immediately after getting their schedules - he couldn't find Gerard.

Biting his lip, he decided to wait near the side of the room where there was a less likely chance of him being jostled around and chided by the teachers for sticking around. He stood there, watching everyone awkwardly and ignoring the claustrophobic sensation that was creeping up his back. He had to admit that hanging out with Gerard made him temporarily forget about his best friends so when Tony had spotted him across the room and called out his name whilst shouldering his way over, Frank had started in surprise.

"D'you wanna wait outside? It's really packed here." Tony said, eyeing the classroom.

Frank agreed and the two shuffled their way out to the hallway. There, it wasn't much better as it had been in the classroom although at least the crowd here was starting thin out as students headed to their respective lessons.

Both he and Tony were comparing their schedules. "Awesome. We have Organic Chemistry together. Oh and free periods too!" His Latino friend observed brightly.

Frank made a noise of agreement but his mind was elsewhere, searching for Gerard amongst the other students while he held on to the hope that they'd be in Art class together. It was silly for him to expect that as the odds were slim but there was something about the older boy that made Frank's thoughts gravitate towards him. As time ebbed by, more of his friends joining him and Tony to compare schedules until his copy became dog-eared, Frank began to doubt that he'd be able to catch Gerard before lunch.


	8. six

As the French teacher, Mr Lebeau, had told his students to have a look at their textbooks to refresh their minds before he allowed them some time to catch up with their friends, Frank dedicated the rest of the period practising his sketch of Gerard.

This time around, he held on to the mental image of Gerard holding a cigarette - he wasn't certain why but he remembered how good the boy looked while smoking - and tried his best to recreate what he saw in the form of strokes and lines of graphite on the stark white paper. He decided to draw Gerard's side profile, the angles of his cheekbones, the graceful curve of his eyelashes and his parted lips. He recalled how the shadows had played on the then red-haired boy's face and how it made him all the more interesting to look at, what with the barely visible tendrils of smoke curling around him in the air.

It was a good mental image but the result?

Not so.

Frank scowled disapprovingly at his sketch, wondering how on earth Gerard had became something that reminded him of a deformed vegetable before his hand move and tore the page out. Unfortunately, the class had decided to fall silent at that moment so the sound of paper being ripped was very much audible.

A few heads, including the Mr Lebeau's, looked in Frank's direction and he was barely in time to pretend he was busy referring to his textbooks with a bated breath. Once they had moved their attention away, he let out a small sigh, resting his head on his desk. The crumpled paper was sitting right across his nose so it was blocking the view of Brendon, who was napping with his mouth hanging open.

Why couldn't he get his Gerard drawings right? Why did he always manage to draw his muse that reminded him of a creepy eggplant? Surely, he couldn't have had that issue as he was satisfactory at drawing people but perhaps there was something in his skills that was lacking.

A sudden idea came into Frank's head that he straightened up in his seat abruptly, jarring the girl behind him from her daydream. He could ask Gerard for a picture of him, couldn't he? Well, he was certain that the boy wouldn't mind - on that train of thought, he just remembered that Gerard wanted a picture of his hands and immediately felt guilty for not sending him one when he had a chance.

Fortunately, the bell rung to signify the end of class and the start of lunch period. Frank scooped up his belongings and left the room as quickly as he could, relieved that he now had a chance to find Gerard before lunch was over, besides the fact that he could fill his stomach that had been growling sporadically since an hour ago. As he went to his lockers to deposit his things, he came across Mikey, who was telling off students for pushing people in the hallway.

"Frank, no running and tuck in your shirt. You know the uniform policy in St. Helena's." Mikey frowned at the older boy in disapproval. "There, that's more like it. Why do you look like you're in a rush?" He asked, the bossy-prefect facade fading.

"Do I?" Frank was astonished before he remembered he had been running and quickly changed the topic before Mikey could look at him funny. "Oh, um, I was wondering if you know where --"

"There you are!" Frank was interrupted when someone called from behind him and turned to find Jamia approaching him. "Hey, Mikey. Has Frank been giving you any trouble?" She asked the taller boy.

"Excuse me, but I happen to be a very good boy." Frank said, pretending to sound aggrieved.

Mikey shrugged and told Jamia of Frank's offenses. "But otherwise, he hasn't been giving trouble." He added. "What was it you were saying, Frank?"

Frank glanced at his girlfriend then at Mikey, trying to remember what he was saying. Then he shook his head. "It was nothing. Nice seeing you around, Mikey." He and Jamia excused themselves and headed for the cafeteria. After grabbing some food, they went for the table that was occupied by their friends.

As he sensed no openings in the conversations his friends were engaging with one another, he took a bite out of his sandwich and watched them all quietly.

Lynn was telling Hayley and Ryan about a band she had started listening to. Brendon, Tony, Dallon and Jamia were talking about their options after high-school. While he did like hanging out with them, there were some times when he felt left out. Occasionally Jamia tried to get him to talk but he would say a few words before slipping away.

They hadn't even realized that he leaving the table after mumbling an excuse they didn't hear. Exiting the noisy cafeteria, he was greeted by a significantly lower noise volume in the almost empty hallways. A few students milled about here and there but otherwise the near silence did wonders for Frank's hearing. He returned to his locker to retrieve his notebook and pencils before he went to the library.

There, it was as quiet as it could get, thanks to the old librarian lady who was obsessed with the quiet she would practically give you a good telling-off if you so much as sneezed too loud. The library was huge, filled with rows of tall shelves that were crammed with so many books. There were students who took this opportunity to stay here for as long they could to do three things: sleep until someone tells them to return to class, use one of the computers or skip lessons to finish their long overdue homework.

Frank had no intentions of doing any of the above. Moving to an unoccupied table at the back of the library, away from prying eyes, he opened his notebook and set his pencils beside it. As he flipped through the pages, he passed by some of his skethes that were resulted by idleness and boredom. There was the whimsical cartoon t-rex, Jamia's old pug, a potted plant and the rough draft of his fallen angel that Gerard had complimented.

He looked at it now, cocking his head as he tried to analyze what it was that made Gerard like it. While the draft and the finished product looked almost similar if not that the draft sported little bubbles of dialogue Frank had drawn to remind himself to do things here and there, it resembled a lot like his finished drawing. At any point, he was going nearly cross-eyed when somebody sat across him.

A moment of insecurity that the person would look over at his work caused Frank to shut his book hurriedly when he realized it was the boy he had been looking for earlier.

A smile curved the sides of his mouth upwards instantly at the sight of Gerard. "Hi." Frank said.

Gerard held up a finger as he flipped through the pages of a really thick and musty-smelling encyclopedia. "One moment, Frankie dear. Oh, where is it - Ah there!" He broke into a grin when he found what he was looking for. "The moon is not made out of cheese, in fact, it is - why are you looking at me like that?"

Truth be told, Frank was doing his best not to laugh at Gerard. He shook his head. "Nothing, Gerard."

Gerard looked like he wanted to ask more questions but decided better of it. He rested his cheek on his hand and regarded Frank for a few moments, to which the younger boy returned with a stare of his own. Then Gerard chuckled in amusement. "Frankie, what are you doing?" He asked teasingly.

Frank felt warm flutters under his ribcage at hearing the way Gerard had laughed, as well as the way he was called. "Why do you call me Frankie?" He raised his eyebrows questioningly.

Gerard shrugged nonchalantly. "It's cute and it suits you." He answered.

Without warning, heat rushed into Frank's cheeks as the pulse in ears became louder all of a sudden.

"And besides, aren't you tired of people calling you Frank all the time?" Gerard added. "Being known universally as Just Frank? Well, not that that should bother you in any way as long as people don't insult it then ..." He trailed off. "But me? I'm just Gerard. Y'know like I can't have anyone calling me Gerardie, it sounds silly." A pout began to form on his mouth.

Frank took a moment to think about what he said. "I could call you Gee if you want me to." He said and was rewarded with Gerard face brightening up at the offer. "After all, it only seems fair - I guess - since you gave me a nickname." He mumbled.

Gerard looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yea. That's - Thank you." He began to smile. "I like it."

As the conversation came to an end, Frank felt that it was alright to continue looking through his notebook while Gerard went back to checking the encyclopedia, probably looking for more proof that the other natural satellites in the Solar System weren't made of food.

Once the younger boy flipped to his last doodle, which was basically Chewbacca's face, he picked up a pencil and took a surreptitious glance at Gerard who was scratching his nose. Then he looked back at the blank page that stared up at him, the stark whiteness daring him to draw on it. Swallowing, he looked back at Gerard and tried to draw him, placing all his focus on his current task to block out his surroundings.

Frank's hand was shaking slightly because he was kinda afraid that Gerard would look up and notice that he was drawing him. Frank didn't want the boy to think he was a creep so he would take occasional pauses to check if he was being watched, and also to make sure he wouldn't draw Gerard like a creepy eggplant. The coast was clear and Frank was almost finished doing the rough sketch, at least until he felt an uneasy prickle and glanced up from his book.

And saw the older boy staring at him with wide questioning hazel eyes. 

Frank's stomach flipped sickeningly at the realization that he might have been caught red-handed but he did his best to resist the urge to look away, instead he tried to look casual. "Yes?" He asked, hand moving slowly to cover his work. His pulse was drumming audibly in his ears.

Gerard's gaze flitted to his hand ever so slightly before meeting Frank's once more. Then a thoughtful look crossed his features.

Catching the opportunity from knowing that he was distracted, Frank hurriedly flipped to another page before Gerard came back to reality. He was in time but it didn't spare him from the dark-haired boy across him from looking back at his work. The tense nerves coiling around Frank obstructed him from fully understanding Gerard's next words. 

"Are you having a problem drawing straight?" He asked.

Frank stared at him incomprehensibly for a moment too long before he processed what Gerard had said. "Oh, uh." He mumbled, looking at his book to find various crooked lines he had made when he attempted to draw straight lines freehand. What he meant to say was that he was really bad at it but because of the weight of Gerard's gaze on him making him think that the more talented person was judging him, nervousness blocked his brain and he ended up saying, "I'm having a problem with being straight."

Scary how a slip could cause such damage.

Gerard was staring at him speechlessly now, lips parted and eyebrows arched with surprise.

And it was killing Frank because he thought that the older boy was judging him in the worst way. It was rarely spoken of but there would always be a group of people in schools who didn't like others being attracted to members of the same sex an St. Helena's was not an exception. Frank was afraid, so afraid, that Gerard was part of the mentioned group - he hadn't intended to ruin the budding friendship but it was clear to him that he did, whether he liked it or not.

Ignoring the three stabs in his chest - belonging to embarrassment, regret and guilt respectively - he swept up his book and his pencils into his arms and left fast as he could, not sparing a moment to look at Gerard's face once more.

If only he had, he would've seen the apologetic look on his face and allowed Gerard to explain himself.


	9. seven

Frank didn't see Gerard for the rest of the day. Even during dismissal, he hadn't seen hide nor hair of the older boy.

While he was comforted that he wouldn't have to face embarrassment and awkwardness if he bumped in to him, he also felt hurt. Of course, he shouldn't be caring too much about it anyway, seeing as Gerard wasn't really a friend rather an acquaintance that Frank had started to grow on, but for some reason he did mind, a lot.

As he made his way to the parking lot, he kept glancing around in attempts to catch the sight of Gerard. Of course, he was too short to see past the number of heads blocking his view and that there were just too many students all bustling about in one area so he pretty much gave up. Jamia had told him earlier that she'd be catching a ride home with one of her friends so Frank wasn't granted extra time to sit in his car listening to music, contemplating about life, and basically watch all the people pass him by.

Although he was sorely tempted to do so in hopes he might see Gerard, he decided against it because he'd be wasting precious minutes that could be used for other things. The drive back home was spent in contemplation that was coupled with regret that gnawed at him right until Frank collapsed onto his bed with a tired  _oomph!_

His arms were thrown over his face and he was imclined to lie there for as long as he could had it not been for his phone vibrating incessantly against his thigh to tell him that he had an incoming call. With an resigned sigh, he turned onto his side and pulled his phone out before tapping the  _Answer_  onscreen button. Expecting that it was his father, he began to speak instead of listening for the caller's voice. "Yea, Dad?" He dangled over the edge of his mattress, staring at the upside-down dresser.

There was a clearing-of-the-throat noise coming from the other side of the line. A male voice that definitely wasn't Anthony's answered in a rather bemused tone, " _Um, this_ _isn_ _'t your dad. It's Gerard, actually_."

Frank's phone nearly slipped out his grip that had slackened with shock. His gasp turned into a cough. "What?" He asked in utter disbelief.

" _Not so much as a what, but a_  who." Gerard muttered, miffed. " _It's Gerard Way, for your information - just thought I'd put that out in case you happn to know another person named Gerard_ \--"

"How did you get my number?" Frank demanded nervously, cutting him off in midsentence. He was very certain that there was no way that the other boy could've known his as he had never texted Gerard or given his number to him whatsoever.

" _The way you got my number._ " Gerard replied but that still didn't clear the confusion. " _I asked_."

"From who, exactly?"

" _Mikey_."

Now Frank was frowning in utter bafflement so much that his eyes were practically slits. "And how did he get my number?" He asked once more, knowing that he had never given it to  _any_  of the Ways.

" _Look, I'm on borrowed time here so I'll answer your questions some other time, I promise._ " As if it couldn't get any more suspicious that he evaded Frank's questions, Gerard continued, " _I just called to say I'm sorry for my reaction earlier_."

"Oh." Blood rushed into his cheeks from embarrassment as he remembered the scene exactly in his head. Biting his lip furiously, he sat up and tugged his sock absentmindedly. "Okay."

" _No really, I am sorry. It's just ... I've never met anyone who would tell me they're not straight before --_ "

Frank was about to argue but Gerard continued.

"--  _and I guess it surprised me. And the fact that we barely know each other kinda contributes to my reaction. Not that it'll affect out friendship in any way but I just wanna put it out there_ \--"

"Gerard." Frank cut him off and drew a breath. "It was just a slip. I didn't mean to say it like that. It came out wrong - Ugh, bad pun." And then it was the younger boy's turn to start rambling nervously, the way Gerard did before him. "Um, I actually meant to say that I had problems drawing straight lines freehand but you made me nervous --"

There was a laugh from the other side of the line. " _I make you nervous?_ " Frank could almost see Gerard grinning at him and felt his heart flutter.

"Y-Yea." Frank's cheeks were tinted with red. "You do. Because you were looking at my sketchbook and the stuff I draw there are - well, I'm just really insecure and the fact that you're better at Art makes me worried that you won't like what you see." He answered and felt his face burn up once more. Gerard had gone silent for so long that Frank was afraid that he might have fallen asleep or something when the other boy coughed on the other side of the line.

" _Frank_." Gerard began, using the younger boy's proper name for the first time. " _You don't draw, paint or sculpt for the purpose of impressing other people. You do it because it's a representation of how you view the world through your eyes. You_  shouldn't _change that for anyone because doing that defeats the purpose of art itself, which is self-expression. No, Frank, you_ _shouldn_ _'t feel insecure just because you think I'm better. In fact, I don't think I'm all that fantastic_." He added self-deprecatingly.

Frank was left speechless and humbled by Gerard's words. Pressing his lips into a thin line, he took a moment to allow the boy's words to sink in. Gerard, too, was quiet once again but the type of silence that settled itself on their conversation wasn't awkward at all.

"Thanks, Gerard." Frank said afterwards. "For telling me that."

" _We all need to be reminded once in awhile. I'm glad that it's me who's had the pleasure of doing that for you today_." Gerard replied and Frank swore he felt that warm, nervous flutter underneath his ribcage once again. " _So ... if you don't think I'm being a bit pushy or whatever ... do you think you could come over to the coffee shop in a bit? I wanted to show you something._ "

Hearing the hesitation in Gerard's voice set something impulsive in Frank because he found himself saying, "Sure. Be there in fifteen." Only when he had finished his sentence did he come to the realization of what he had answered.

Gerard, on the other hand, sounded excited. " _Really? That's great. I'll see you there then. Bye Frankie_." And with the nickname, he hung up and left Frank to listen to the double-tone on the phone and his conscience nagging at him for being so hasty. Shaking his head, he glanced quickly at the time and went straight for his closet.

 

* * *

 

Frank had managed to get ready as quickly as he could. Heck, he even showered and combed his hair before he chose to wear a plain red t-shirt so he could get some color into his otherwise boring black clothes he'd always wear. As he checked his reflection in the mirror, he was pleased to see that he was presentable. His hair wasn't poking his eyes, the color red made his hair look darker and at least he didn't look as depressing as he usually did.

With a smile at that, he grabbed his stuff and headed out of his apartment. Apparently some time in between the call and Frank getting ready, Gerard had sent a text, admitting that he did, in fact, ask Mikey to ask Jamia for Frank's number under the pretense that his younger brother needed help with homework. Frank wasn't really that good at academics but if Jamia believed that he was alright enough to tutor a sophomore, then he was most likely selling himself short like he had been with his art.

Brightened up by the idea, he didn't even care that when the elevator doors opened Ryan and Brendon were heavily making out inside.

As the coffee shop wasn't very far from his apartment block, Frank walked there. When he reached the place, his eyes scanned amongst the unit for Gerard. There were a few customers here and there, mostly students, occupying a couple of tables with their laptops open and notes scattered on the surface. A calming jazz song was playing on the overhead speakers which set a laidback atmosphere. After he peered around, Frank decided to take a seat at a booth and waited for Gerard.

He didn't have to do so for long because the other boy arrived at the shop, looking almost nervous. Frank was about to call him over but Gerard had spotted him and was already approaching.

"Hey Frankie." Gerard gave him one of those grins that made Frank's insides warm up immediately as he sat across Frank. He set three books he had been holding on the table and pushed them towards the Frank. "Here, I thought we could have a look at these for the meantime." He said.

Frank wanted to ask what was in those books when Gerard excused himself and went to the counter. Not wanting to be rude or anything, Frank left the books untouched and watched Gerard instead as he had a chat with one of the staff, laughing, before he made coffee. Frank turned right around and looked down idly when he remembered Gerard complimenting them. Wiggling his fingers experimentally, he wondered what the older boy saw and found interesting enough to want to draw his hands when Gerard returned with a tray that held two mugs of coffee and a slice of cake.

Frank was about to offer to pay for them, because he felt like he had to - he didn't want Gerard to think he was a freeloader - but Gerard's face had the it's-all-on-me look so he accepted a mug of coffee. He wasn't a big fan of drinking coffee, only doing so when he needed to stay awake, but the way Gerard made his coffee made him want to reconsider his choices. Surreptitiously, he stole a glance at the boy across him who had taken one of the books and was flipping through the pages. Now that the chance was presented to him, Frank wasted no time to watch Gerard thoughtfully.

Perhaps it wasn't a conscious effort but Frank noticed the way Gerard would tuck his hair back every so often, even if the strands weren't in his face, or the way his eyebrows would furrow in the slightest when he was thinking. The urge to reach out and touch Gerard's face, to feel the warmth from his skin was strong and Frank had to tear his gaze away from Gerard to prevent himself from doing so.

It was then when he started to think. He wasn't sure what was happening with him, why being around Gerard made him both happy and nervous or why the thought of hanging out with Gerard pressure him into trying to dress better. Suddenly, he was conscious of the heat biting indignantly into his palms from gripping the coffee mug so hard. He bit back a wince just as Gerard looked up.

"Okay, so, these are some of my old sketchbooks." Gerard began and for a heartbeat, Frank thought he looked awfully shy. "Like from back when I was fifteen I just drew a shit ton of stuff to cope with --" He broke off abruptly, meeting Frank's gaze.

Frank's stomach knotted with concern seeing that expression flash before Gerard's hazel eyes before the other boy started to talk again.

"Anyway, you can have a look at them if you want." Gerard pushed the books to Frank. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something before he seemed to think better of it and looked away from Frank.

The younger boy wanted to ask him what was wrong, because he felt really bad for him, but Gerard was getting up to go outside. And Frank watched him with a sinking feeling like he had done something wrong to Gerard just by being there at all.


	10. eight

When Gerard returned, Frank noticed he stank of cigarette smoke.

His heart squeezed under his ribcage as he regarded Gerard somewhat nervously, afraid to touch anything else on the table like one of Gerard's sketchbook that was lying open for the fear of upsetting Gerard once more. The older boy, having realized Frank's worried expression, arched an eyebrow questioningly. "Is something wrong?"

Frank's eyes were trained on his in attempts to get a read on what Gerard was thinking. Leaning back in his seat, Frank shook his head. "No." He lied and fiddled with his fingers anxiously.

The two were silent for about a minute. Frank had noticed that smoking subdued Gerard because he wasn't as talkative or smiley as he usually was, which was what Frank preferred to see. In hopes of coaxing that side of Gerard out, he sat up and flicked through the pages. Randomly selecting one, he flipped to the middle of the book and stared at the drawing for a moment.

"Is this you?" Frank asked, looking at Gerard.

Gerard leaned over to have a better look and Frank caught a whiff of smoke in his hair. "Yep." A small smile was beginning to form on the older boy's face. "Oh man, I've forgotten all about the Killjoys." He laughed, touching the page. "Wow, I can't believe I used to draw this way."

Frank did his best not to notice that their fingers were almost touching that if he spread them, his skin would be in contact with Gerard's. His forehead creased as he did his best to ignore that fact and forced himself to look at Gerard. His breath caught involuntarily in his throat. He found himself staring at Gerard's features, like those long lashes fringing his pretty hazel eyes, his delicately upturned nose that Frank always seemed to get wrong when he drew Gerard, the strand of hair falling over his face.

Frank reached out, tucking away that strand without thinking. Only when Gerard looked at him was he aware of what he had done and flushed hotly. Instead of being weirded out, Gerard laughed, the sound that made Frank's heartbeat to increase and fill him with a giddiness.

"I should really get a hairpin." Gerard said, still smiling at Frank. "Or maybe I should get my hair cut." He held up one of the loose strands up. "What do you think?"

Frank thought he had heard wrong when Gerard asked him for his opinion. Blinking, he shrugged a bit. "Maybe you could get a trim?" He suggested, voice sounding slightly higher than usual.

Gerard's eyes narrowed thoughtfully as he twirled that strand in his finger. "I probably should." Letting the hair go, he pointed at the open sketchbook on the drawing of himself. "So when I was younger, I always wanted to be a hero of a sort and more so in a fictional dystopian world. This here is me as a Killjoy; I called myself Party Poison."

"Why so?"

"I dunno. It sounded cool at that time." He laughed shyly. "And this here's my logo." He pointed at a pill sitting right above an X that was bound within a circle.

Frank looked at the drawings once more, at a red-haired cartoon Gerard wearing a blue jacket, light gray pants and boots; he even had a holster for a gun. Then Frank's eyes traveled to another figure, this one with blond hair, sunglasses and a tall lanky body. "Is this Mikey?" He asked, even though he knew Gerard's younger brother didn't really look like that. Somewhere near the counter, Mikey, who was working at the moment, glanced up like he heard his name being mentioned.

Gerard cocked his head. "Mhm. He wanted to be a Killjoy too and called himself Kobra Kid. His logo is a bit detailed as you can see here." He tapped on the page. "And like Mikey wanted be a biker kid --"

"Are you showing him your drawings again?" The mentioned person had appeared in front of them, asking rather nosily as he peered down at the two of them; Frank thought he saw a mini-smirk on Mikey's face as the boy regarded him and flushed. "Oh! I loved this picture of me. Don't I look cool?"

"You do." Frank said and Mikey grinned. "So do Party Poison and Kobra Kid have superpowers or something?" Frank wasn't faking it, in fact, he found the whole topic of Gerard's creation all the more interesting.

Both Mikey and Gerard laughed at the same time. If there had been one more similarity between the two that could be added to the list, it was the way their features lit up although where Mikey's smile was a perfectly upturned curve, Gerard's was crooked. Not that that wasn't attractive, in fact, Frank thought it gave a certain uniqueness to the older Way.

"No, they don't. They're just ..." Gerard trailed off thoughtfully. "Oh I'll tell you another time. It's a pretty long story and I've really got to get back home to do some stuff." He said and Frank's heart dropped in disappointment.

Mikey looked at his brother with a funny expression as Gerard got up and gave the taller boy a hug. Then Gerard turned to Frank and uncertainty flashed over his features. Frank was staring back, wondering, when Gerard spread his arms. A small shy smile had formed on his lips. "Frankie?" His voice was soft and hesitant but eager.

Frank's mind had gone on autopilot as he rose to his feet, smiling disbelievingly, when Gerard pulled him into a hug. For the briefest of moments, Frank felt happy, lightheaded and safe in Gerard's arms. He would've given anything just to stay like this with the older boy but as quickly as Gerard had embraced him Frank was released.

There was a small pinching sensation as Gerard drew back. With one last smile at him, Gerard patted his shoulder and left. Frank stared after him, half-hoping that at the door the older boy would turn around and give him one last grin. But he didn't and Frank wasn't sure how he felt at that moment.

"He seems to like you."

The dark-haired boy started, swiveling round to see Mikey looking at him thoughtfully; he had nearly forgotten that the younger boy was still here. Heat fanned at his cheeks at Mikey's statement. "What do you mean?" His voice was uneven and hopeful.

The corners of Mikey's lips quirked upwards in the slightest as he picked up Gerard's unfinished mug of coffee. "Well, it's good to see Gerard making friends." Upon noticing Frank's confused expression, he explained. "Even though he has like a really friendly exterior, Gerard doesn't really stick to most of the people he talks to. Like, what he did with you? That's not something you see a lot. He can be nice to you but that doesn't guarantee that he'll grow on you; you could say he's fickle. Anyway, my point is that Gerard seems to find you likable enough to befriend you."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Frank asked, suddenly feeling anxious.

Mikey chuckled, shaking his head. "Gerard's not a bad person. Well, you might think I'm supposed to say that because he's my brother but honestly, he has a good heart. Don't break it, alright?" Not responding to Frank's mystified expression, Mikey turned around and left as if to make his words leave a bigger effect on the dark-haired boy.

 

* * *

 

Frank had taken the sketchbooks home with him. He actually didn't intend to as those were Gerard's but seeing as Mikey had somehow disappeared into thin air after giving that funny little speech and that he couldn't leave it in the care of the staff, he had to bring it with him.

On the way back to his apartment, he met with Dallon, who seemed to have gotten the apartment floor wrong and seemed lost. After directing to Brendon's apartment which was three floors above his, Frank went back to the comfort of his own home. His father hadn't returned from work yet so it was up to Frank to prepare dinner. Leaving the sketchbooks on the coffee table in the living area, he went to the kitchen and had a look at the fridge's contents.

As he gathered the ingredients he needed, his mind had split on two levels: one for preparing dinner and one to think about what Mikey had said.

 _He has a good heart. Don't break it, okay?_  The more he contemplated about it, the worse his concentration got at juggling tasks that he caught himself staring at the wall instead of cutting up the broccoli. Deciding if it was best if he put that on hold, he went to play a song on the audio system and hummed along to  _Anxiety! At the Club_.

Once dinner was cooked, he went to take a shower. As he peeled off his shirt, he caught himself in the mirror and stared. His skin looked pale in the light and he was all too aware of how slender he looked. He turned, viewing his body from the side and then faced the mirror again with a self-conscious expression. Seeing the look on his face, he shook his head and removed the rest of his clothes before he stepped into the shower.

He emerged from the bathroom later, his hair still damp to the touch, and went to pick up one of Gerard's sketchbooks before eating his dinner. He flipped through the pages in between bites of his food, occasionally pausing to admire some of Gerard's drawings for a bit longer than he intended. Some of them were half-finished while others had random doodles such as 'Ray is the best' in yellow crayon here and there.

Frank felt a tug of curiosity in his chest as  he wondered who this Ray person was when his eyes traveled over to the last page where there was a completed charcoal sketch of a girl. She had pretty downturned eyes, an attractive smile and thin eyebrows, however overall Frank could tell she was hot. She did sport a piercing though, on her nose and Frank thought it worked well with the rocker-girl look that she was drawn in.

Frowning slightly, he studied her features carefully and there was a tiny tug of familiarity at the back of his mind. He felt like he had seen her before but where he did, he couldn't remember. Pursing his lips, he leaned back and tried to see if that helped him recall who she was before he saw a small note at the edge of the page. His chest constricted when he saw it was outlined in a heart.

_Lindsey Ballato._

As he read the name, he felt his stomach twist uncomfortably like he ate something bad. There was doubt, as well as mild disbelief swirling in his head as he read her name again. His eyes searched the page to see whether Gerard had placed any date on his work. If it was possible to feel like he had fell down the stairs, he did when he saw that the sketch of Lindsey was completed at least a month before school had started. Feeling like a deflated balloon, he shut the book with a sigh, took one glance at his half-finished dinner and decided that he wasn't feeling that hungry anymore.


	11. nine

Frank did his best not to let the thought of how he suspected that Gerard might still be harboring a crush for Lindsey, the truth was it was egging him the whole night. Even when he fell asleep, he had no solace in dreams which were filled with him basically watching Gerard and Lindsey doing all sorts of romantic lovey-dovey mush while he watched them as if through a one-way glass; it was awful enough.

He woke up the next morning in a lethargic mood. Even his father's morning playlist, which had annoyed him for the past seventeen years of his life, irritated him. He was shoveling cereal into his mouth - they tasted too soggy for his liking - when Anthony asked him whether he had woken up on the wrong side of the bed. Frank gave him an indifferent shrug and finished the rest of his breakfast.

Later on while waiting for Jamia to emerge from her apartment, Frank rubbed his eyes. Sleep hadn't left him well rested after those Gerard-Lindsey dreams. Past a yawn, he fished around his backpack for his phone. He had left it switched off for the whole night so he wasn't surprised to have notifications bombarding in when he turned it on, the device vibrating in his hand. Swiping past most of them as they were from the group chat his friends had added him in, he almost didn't see Gerard's text until the last moment.

With his heart slamming in his chest, there was this tiny rush of excitement that filled his veins. For a moment, he had forgotten how unenergetic he had felt earlier.

_I was wondering if you have my sketchbooks._ _gerard_ _xoxo_

Frank had to suppress the huge grin that was forming on his features as he noticed the way Gerard had signed his texts. Then he reread the message again to check if his own eyes were playing tricks on him when the word sketchbooks brought an unbidden image of Lindsey. The smile was wiped off his face.

"Good morning, Frank." Jamia greeted him with a kiss on his cheek, exiting her apartment. He hadn't even realized she was there. Greeting her back, the two went downstairs to the parking lot.

 

* * *

 

He knew he was acting unusually out-of-character but Frank caught himself peering at the faces of the female students passing by him in the hallways as he walked to his locker. None of them resembled Lindsey, thankfully, but curiosity was burning in his chest and playing tricks on his eyes whenever he passed by dark-haired girls. For some obscure reason, he wanted to know who this Ballato girl was and whether her and Gerard were romantically involved. Briefly, he considered asking Mikey but then he didn't really want the younger of the Way siblings to think he was being stalkerish or anything.

So he kept his silence, taking it with him to every class he attended right up to till lunch period. Instead of going to the cafeteria to join his friends like he usually did, he went elsewhere. There was this open-air courtyard for the students to hang around and Frank chose to sit under a large shady tree on the cool grass. There were a few other people near him but they were too caught up strumming tunes on their guitars and singing in offkey but enthusiastic voices to even bother him.

Taking his sketchbook from under his arm, he took the pencil that he had tucked behind his ear and placed the book on his lap. The cover was plain but with Jamia's suggestion, it was now decorated with colorful print-outs that Frank had glued on to personalize it - she said it was to ensure that it wouldn't be mistaken with other similar looking books in case he lost it.

A few band logos were starting to peel off so Frank smoothed his thumb over them in efforts to stick them back on before he flipped the book open. The pages of his sketchbook were dog-eared from him folding them on whatever drawings he wanted to work on. After opening to a few wrong sketches, he finally found the Gerard doodle he had done the night before. He had to admit that he did a bit of checking on Gerard's social media and was rewarded with at least one picture of himself on the boy's Facebook profile.

Even if it was just half of Gerard's face in the picture like he was peering over the edge, it still gave Frank something to work on. Although he remembered the shape of Gerard's lips and the curve of his chin, Frank decided to draw him as though the lower half of his face was obscured by a cup of coffee. The sketch was almost complete and all Frank had to do was finish off the cup. His pencil ghosted over the paper's surface, occasionally moving away so his finger could meet the paper and carefully smudge whatever line he saw fit to create the effect he had in mind.

He was almost finished drawing in the eyebrows when he heard footsteps on the grass approaching him. Not wanting prying eyes to see what he was doing, he snapped his book shut and glanced up in time to see Gerard.

His heart skipped a beat at the sight of the older boy beaming down at him. He was grateful he didn't have his earbuds plugged in otherwise he would've been spluttering to explain to Gerard on why he was drawing him. Plastering a smile on his face to return the older boy's expression, Frank said, "Were you looking for me?"

"Actually." Gerard began as Frank got up to his feet. There was a nervous but excited look on his face, which made Frank wonder what was going on. The unreasonable suspicion of how his mood might be linked to Lindsey arose in Frank's mind and he had to shove it back down to whatever hole it had escaped from before the look on his face revealed it all.

"I wanted to introduce you to Ray." Gerard said, oblivious to Frank's inner struggles.

"Ray?" Frank repeated, frowning in confusion when he remembered. "Is he the same person who wrote 'Ray is the best,' in yellow crayon in one of your sketchbooks?"

Gerard nodded with a pleased grin. "Yep. That's him." Then he did what Frank didn't expect him to: he reached for the younger boy's wrist.

Heat flooded Frank's cheeks as he became painfully aware of how his heart had leapt when Gerard's fingers made contact with his skin.

"Come on." Gerard urged, tugging on wrist before letting him go; Frank wished he didn't. "He's in the library right now but I'm sure he won't mind meeting you while he's reading up on math formulas." He added and started off. Frank stared after him, baffled, before following him. They traveled down hallways, turning round corners and occasionally stopping when Gerard greeted some of the students he seemed to know.

Soon, they reached the library and Gerard led him to the back where there were less people. There, the only person besides them was a boy with wild, curling brown hair that was sticking out like an afro. He had his head ducked down as he read a thick, dusty-looking textbook so he didn't notice both Gerard and Frank approaching him until Gerard took a seat across him.

Ray looked up, giving his friend a smile before regarding Frank curious and questioning eyes.

"Frank, this is Ray." Gerard began, gesturing for the younger boy to have a seat beside his. "Ray, this is Frank." He grinned at both of them as though he expected them to like each other on the spot.

Frank offered a friendly smile as he shook Ray's firm hand; they felt a bit clammy. "Nice to meet you." He murmured shyly.

Ray simply smiled but didn't say anything in return. This struck Frank as an odd sort of behavior, not wanting to greet a person back, when Gerard cleared his throat. "Ray doesn't talk much, just so you know." He told Frank. "So don't be bummed out if he doesn't say anything."

Something like a mix between a snort and a cough escaped Ray as he flipped a page in his musty-old textbook.

It was quite awkward for Frank to sit there and watch Ray and Gerard had disappeared off into the library so he didn't have anyone to talk to. Placing his sketchbook on the table, he plucked his pencil out of his pocket and opened the book to a blank page; there wasn't any point to continue the Gerard sketch right now. Not at all sure what he wanted to draw, he let his pencil trace over idly when the vague shape of the lines gave him a spark of inspiration.

Sitting up, he bent over and continued; this time the image was getting clearer. Even if what he was doing was simply a rough draft of what he had in mind, he was very much satisfied with the end product by the time ten minutes had passed in a blink of an eye.

Smiling in satisfaction at his work, Frank glanced up to see Ray peering over at his sketch with an expression that was a mixture of curiosity and admiration.

Frank bit his lip, tapping his fingers on the table for a moment. "D'you think it's alright?" The words spilled right out of his mouth. "The deer." He said nervously, referring to his work.

Ray looked up at him and nodded, giving him a thumbs-up gesture with a sincere smile. If anything, he looked impressed. Frank felt a small rush of confidence for himself and thanked Ray for his opinion when Gerard returned with a moony sort of expression; Frank didn't have to be a mind-reader to know that Gerard must've spoken someone whom he had a crush on and was feeling particularly good about himself. He didn't really need the confirmation to feel like somebody had burst his favorite balloon although Gerard didn't know that when he took a seat beside him and started to talk to Ray.

"She was there at the reference section. Lindsey." Gerard said when Ray gave him a questioning look. There was a giddy smile on his face, which was like a slap to Frank. "We talked, though. She was asking me if I'd finished my Chemistry homework and I said no but then the topic sorta changed and she invited me to a party this Friday. Isn't that exciting?"

As Ray didn't answer, instead wore a weary expression in response, Frank muttered an unenthusiastic "Very," so Gerard would stop regarding the curly-haired boy expectantly.

Gerard's eyebrows quirked upwards in astonishment. "Really? Do you know Lindsey?" He asked.

"Er." Frank hesitated, starting to sweat from the way Gerard was staring at him. He really didn't want to lie to him but Gerard was making him nervous and being nervous had an awful effect on his mental processing functions. "Kinda." He muttered. It wasn't completely a lie but it was really the truth either; he only knew that her name belonged to that pretty face in one of Gerard's sketchbooks.

To keep up with the false impression that he  _did_  know this Lindsey Ballato person, Frank threw in a few more lies to make him sound convincing. "I was invited too. To the party. She asked me yesterday, actually. After school." As soon as he had spoken, he felt like punching himself. He felt guilt stab him repeatedly in his chest when he looked up to see that his untruths convinced Gerard. He wasn't a liar and yet here he was doing something that went against himself.

Frank swallowed past the lump in his throat, plastering on a fake smile and nodding along when Gerard began to speak again. To Frank's ears, he sounded more like he was buzzing inaudibly and by the time Gerard was finished, there was that clenching sensation in his chest from knowing that if the older boy had ever found out that he was lying all along, it would be very difficult to earn his trust back again.

Cutting a glance across Ray, Frank saw the quiet look of suspicion and disapproval and he knew that Ray had seen through his facade.


	12. ten

"Okay, but how is this game, in  _any_  way, addictive?" Dallon asked curiously, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he watched Frank play Katamari on his PlayStation.

"If you open your heart and mind to new experiences, you will find that anything is much better than you can ever imagine." Frank responded, eyes glued to the tv screen where a green hammerhead creature rolled ball of random objects around a playground. The truth was he really wanted to take his mind off the guilt being a liar and a poser. That and partly because Frank really needed to relax after Dallon had helped him out with Biology homework.

Dallon made an inaudible reply and settled back on the couch before he began to text someone, showing no more interest in watching his friend play Katamari. While he could've left Frank's apartment instead of staying with him for a bit longer, Dallon was waiting for his mother to pick him up because his car was still in the repair shop. Either way, he didn't seem to mind that his mother was a bit late.

On another note, earlier that day Frank had avoided leaving the school through the main entrance as that was where a majority of the school's population used to exit the building, where he would be most likely to bump into Gerard on the way out. Normally, he would've talked to Jamia about whatever was bothering him however on the drive back home, he had been awfully silent while his girlfriend filled him in on whatever had happened at school to her and had allowed the guilt to bubble up in him like pent-up gas in a soda can.

But as Biology homework had taken a toll on him and Katamari, which was his usual coping mechanism for anything, didn't help him in any way, he found himself setting his PlayStation controller down and facing Dallon. He wore a serious expression. "I have a confession to make." He said.

Dallon, who was preoccupied with whoever he was texting with, didn't give him any indication that he had heard Frank, instead giggled over something he read before glancing up. He started when he realized Frank was staring at him, now bearing a somewhat pleadingly guilty look on his features. "Yea?"

Frank repeated his statement.

Dallon's eyebrows furrowed in concern. "It's okay. You can tell me."

Anxiety hummed in his veins as Frank fiddled with his fingers, biting his lower lip. "Do you have any experience with house parties?" He began and Dallon's eyebrows arched in astonishment, clearly showing that this wasn't the response he had been expecting. "I mean, there's this guy, y'know, and there's this girl and then there's me --" He broke off with an impatient noise, annoyed by how stupid he sounded.

Tints of red colored Dallon's cheeks. "Is this something ... I should know?" He asked, saying each word with an audible amount of awkwardness.

Frank felt his cheeks heat up. "It's not a threesome." He blurted out. "It's just - Ok, long story short, I met this guy named Gerard who's from Art and I guess I didn't want to miss out so when he said something about a girl he liked inviting him to a party this Friday --"

"This Friday?" Dallon echoed. "Isn't that when Lindsey Ballato's having her party?"

Frank stared at him. "You know her?"

"Uh, no. Brendon asked me to go with him."

"Huh." Frank pondered over that for a moment. "At least you didn't have to lie your way in." He added, thinking Dallon wouldn't hear. "The thing is, I'm just worried that Gerard will find out or if I show up at the party, Lindsey might realize I'm not invited."

Dallon made a pfft sound, shaking his head incredulously. "Are you kidding me? She won't actually mind."

"Really?"

"Would you like to know a secret?" Dallon whispered in a conspiratorial tone, beckoning Frank to lean closer. "There will be alcohol so you won't have to worry about being recognized for crashing the party because everybody will be so drunk."

Frank sat up right away. Although he knew that booze was a must at regular house parties, he did feel a ripple of apprehension and doubt. And the notion of being in a room full of dancing inebriated people scared him, especially the mental image of someone groping him in places that they shouldn't, not to mention grinding up against his body. Heat rose into his cheeks when the faceless person he had imagined touching him morphed into Gerard in his mind.

He shook his head to clear the thought and focused his gaze on Dallon's with some effort. "You sure about that?" His voice sounded anxious and tinny. "About everyone being so drunk that they won't recognize me?"

"Trust me, Frank. Just trust me," was all Dallon said in reply.

 

* * *

 

Frank felt the bundle of nerves in the pit of his stomach tighten painfully as he told Jamia about Lindsey's party but he did leave out the part about lying to Gerard and pretending he knew Lindsey on a personal level - basically, he was just informing her that he wanted to bring her as a date, which wasn't wholly his intention. He didn't want to be all alone in a place full of people. "I mean, it would be fun." He added with a faux-cheery tone, wincing inwardly at how awfully insincere he thought he sounded. At the end of his sentence, he held his breath, though no voluntarily.

Jamia, who had been leaning beside her locker the whole time, straightened up with a thoughtful frown. She raised her pen and gestured at him. "Okay, I've got questions." She said.

Frank felt a ripple of anxiety pass him but he did his best to remain steady, looking at her right in the eyes. "Shoot."

She twirled her pen in her fingers, and with a pang, he noticed it was the same way Gerard did it too. He pushed that sudden thought away as soon as she started to speak. "Who invited you?"

His stomach lurched. "Uh ... a friend I know." He said, hoping that she'd be convinced. "He thought it'd be nice if there was a familiar face around." As he and Jamia were planning to head to the library after this for their free period, he was holding some of his things in his hand; those fingers tightened its grip on his books in a fit of nerves.

"Didn't you say Lindsey was his friend?" She pointed out and he knew she had him cornered.

Clearing his throat, he shifted on his feet, eyes roaming past her face. Of course he hadn't expected his girlfriend to go along with everything, a quality of hers that had kept him from doing stupid things in the past and what he did like about her; now was not the time, though. Biting back a slight tinge of annoyance from pouncing onto his voice, he managed, "I dunno."

She sighed, shaking her head at him. In his mind's eye, he could see the gears grinding in her head as she weighed her options: to tell Frank off or to agree to go with him? Not that he'd mind if her response was the former; he had done more than enough to increase his chances of landing in a possibly troublesome and awkward situation over the course of two days. But some part of him really wanted her to agree so that he could see Gerard.

He regarded her pleadingly through his lashes. "I mean, it's okay if you don't want to come with." He mumbled.

Her lips thinned. "Oh, alright then. I'll try my best to clear my schedule for this Friday night." She said with resignation. "But no promises."

Frank could hardly contain the relieved smile that was threatening to pull the corner of his lips upwards. The idea of being in a room full of people alone was terrifying to him but as long as Jamia agreed to stay with him, he felt considerably better. "Yea, so ..." He began before trailing off, now unsure of what to do.

"Study?" She reminded him.

"Right." He nodded and frowned. "Uh, listen, I gotta go." He said, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder with a sheepish look on his face.

"Oh, okay." She responded, understanding what he meant. "Just give me your stuff. I'll meet you in the library."

Frank handed her his things before he shot off for the boys' restroom. He couldn't use the one nearest to him as it was being cleaned by the janitor so he had to walk a longer distance before he could relieve himself. The restroom was devoid of students at the moment he arrived, he went right for an empty stall. He didn't like using the urinals as he found it rather awkward and embarrassing to piss there, even if there wasn't anyone around.

He was about to flush the toilet when he heard voices.

" ... can't do this. Think about it! What if she flips when she knows you were sneaking off?" One of them was saying in a rather peremptory and shrill tone.

"C'mon, don't be a wet blanket. I  _promise_  I'll be back in one piece. And I might skip the drinks if I feel like it." The second voice sent a jolt of familiarity up Frank's spine.

His heart skipped as recognition hit him. He was listening in to the Way brothers. Apprehension and curiosity was fighting with each other in his head, trying to tempt him with the choices between eavesdropping or saying hello to them. The former was rather rude and the latter was something Frank had avoided for the past two days since he lied to Gerard.

"Gerard." The first voice, Mikey said, his tone switching from a bossy one to a reasonable one. "Maybe you should stop trying so hard. Maybe there's a reason --"

"You  _don't_  tell me what to do." Frank was struck by how cold Gerard's voice sounded. "I'm not fifteen anymore. Look, I can take care of myself. And don't you worry about me."

Frank heard Mikey make some annoyed grunt in response, followed by the noise of a door being opened before slamming shut. He held his breath for a few moments, listening to Gerard steady his breaths before he steeled himself to face the older boy. It wasn't like he could stay for longer, the smell of piss in the restroom was starting to get to him. Flushing the toilet, he reached to unlock the door and stepped out of the stall.

Immediately he saw Gerard with his face in his hands in front of the mirror by the sinks. While he could've just felt like face-palming, Frank was sure he knew better about how Gerard was feeling. Inhaling, he moved to stand beside the older boy.

Gerard didn't move, even when Frank turned the faucet one to wash his hands. Then the shorter of the two faced the other. "Hey, Gee." Frank experimented, holding his breath.

Then Gerard regarded him through the gaps of his fingers, hazel eyes peeking at him from the shadows. "Frankie?" There was a tremble in his voice as he removed his hands to look at the younger boy.

Frank gave him a small smile. "Hi." He said and turned the faucet off. "How are you doing?" He continued in the same gentle voice.

Slowly, the corners of Gerard's mouth turned upwards, the sight of his tiny grin setting of flutters in Frank's chest. "Good. And you?"

"Fine." Frank dried his hands off, hearing the throbbing of his pulse in his ears. He glanced up at the mirror, catching the reflection of him and Gerard. He cleared his throat awkwardly, watching as Gerard fixed his necktie. "So, party on Friday?" He asked lamely.

Gerard nodded, although it seemed too tense a movement. "Yep. You're coming right?"

"Of course." Frank paused, staring as Gerard pushed back a perfect strand of hair that had fallen over his eyes. For some reason, everything that the other boy did always seemed to pique Frank's fascination. There was something about him, perhaps the way he moved or the way he carried himself that could somehow command Frank's full attention. His fingers now itched for a pencil and paper to draw the lines and curves of Gerard's features.

For the briefest of moments, Gerard's eyes met his through the mirror. Out of nowhere sudden wave of guilt seized Frank. There the older boy was, smiling at him, without a single clue of the lie Frank had told him. The other boy broke away eye contact, abruptly unable to maintain it with Gerard. Frank's throat tightened painfully like there was someone squeezing a hand around it.

"I guess I'll see you at the party." Gerard said, breaking Frank from his reverie. His fingers brushed against the younger boy's arm ever so slightly before he turned to leave. Where he had touched, Frank thought he didn't deserve the satisfaction of the sensation of Gerard's hand on him.


	13. eleven

Frank wasn't even sure if there was a certain dress code to be followed even though he had seen enough high-school movies to know that casual outfits were always worn when attending parties; he couldn't help but feel as if he were missing something crucial. It was most likely him projecting his anxiety on his wardrobe choices.

He stood before his full-length mirror now, checking every single detail of his appearance right from his navy blue low-cut socks, up his tight ripped blue jeans, a plain black t-shirt sporting a few holes in the shoulders and collar right to his hair which he had combed through with his fingers. He was donning on a fake lip-piercing - because he hadn't gotten the permission from Anthony to have the actual thing done itself but wanted one so badly - when he leaned back to take in the sight of his own reflection.

 _By God_ , he thought to himself as he narrowed his eyes.  _I look depressing_. With a sigh, he dropped his hands to the sides and shook his head. There was a soft knock on his bedroom door and when he went to answer it he found his father behind it. "Oh, Dad. Hey." Frank said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "Didn't realize you were home." He added, noticing that his father wasn't wearing his work clothes, but an old t-shirt and sweatpants.

Anthony's lips quirked upwards in amusement as he shook his head. "You would know if you'd turn your music down a little." He pointed out, glancing past his son's shoulder into his room at the sound system which was blaring  _Finn_ _Ible_ _'s_  Stomachaches. "Is there anywhere you were planning to go tonight?" He asked, looking at Frank questioningly.

Frank nodded, reaching for his phone and wallet before putting them in his pocket. Picking up a remote, he switched the sound system off with a press of a button. "Yea, I am. To Lindsey's party." He said as he stepped out of his room.

"And who is this  _Lindsey_  girl again?" Anthony asked in his most fatherly concerned voice as the two went to the kitchen.

Frank pressed his lips together, grateful that his father wasn't looking his direction when he answered; Anthony was particularly good at spotting lies from facial expressions. "A friend of a friend of mine."

"As long as Jamia is going with you ..." Anthony let that hang in the air. "Have something to eat before you go."

Frank couldn't really protest as his stomach was growling at the sight of food at the table. His father had prepared a simple meal of rice-porridge and stir-fried spinach, although there was a bowl of ginger chicken that Frank didn't touch - he was a vegetarian. Once he was finished with his meal, he informed Anthony he was leaving before exiting the apartment. Walking up to Jamia's door, he felt the tingle of nervousness humming in his bones.

He rang the doorbell, once then twice, frowning when he heard faint noises from inside. He was about to strain his ears when the door answered by a boy about his age, wearing frown on his face. "What - Oh, it's just you." He said, looking Frank up and down. "Sup, Frank?" He asked, the initial annoyed expression melting away into a familiar smile.

"Hey, Evan." Frank greeted, inclining his head at Jamia's brother. Despite the fact that Evan was younger than Frank by about two years, it was always difficult for the older boy to picture Evan as anything other than a small chubby child who would occasionally yank Frank's hair because that had been Frank's earliest recollection of him.

But now, instead of a cheeky little boy, Evan was now growing into his handsome features, now sporting a defined jawline and those cheekbones. His pale blue eyes didn't cause him to look perpetually sleepy anymore, instead only made his smile all the more charming. Even his skin, which should have been prone to acne as a side effect of puberty, was clear compared to Frank's which tended to have breakouts every now and then. Even the height department decided to bless Evan a few more inches than it had given Frank when he was the other boy's age. If anything, he was a little too perfect now.

Not wanting to dwell too much otherwise Frank would start being lowkey jealous of his girlfriend's brother, he drew his gaze away from Evan's face to over the boy's shoulder. "Is Jamia in?"

Evan nodded. "Oh yea, she is but --"

As if she had heard her name being mentioned, she appeared at the doorway. Much to Frank's surprise, she didn't seem dressed for Lindsey's party and was instead wearing one of Frank's t-shirts he had given her - because that's what people did in relationships, right? - and a pair of shorts. Jamia looked just as surprised as her boyfriend was. "Frank, what are you doing here?" She asked.

Frank stared at her in disbelief as he knew she had impeccable memory and wasn't prone to forgetting large or tiny matters that easily. "We're going to Lindsey's party?" He said in hopes that she'd remember.

Jamia was standing beside her brother now. Side by side, there were obvious differences in appearances between the siblings. Where Jamia's hair was ink black, Evan's was a shade of light brown. She had warm brown eyes, he had pale blue ones. The only thing that was similar was that the two were good-looking, although Jamia's was the sort of beauty you'd start to appreciate the more you see her while Evan's simply smacked you in the face with his handsomeness.

"Didn't you receive the text I sent you?" Jamia asked with a slight frown on her features.

"What text?" Frank was confused. "Oh, my phone was switched off." He admitted sheepishly when he checked his mobile device. "Are you staying in?"

"Yea." Evan replied for his sister. "We have to look after our cousins while Mom and Dad are out with our aunts and uncles." He added and as if on cue, there were shouts from inside the apartment. "It was some emergency family meeting or whatever but yeah, were stuck with those little buggers."

"Cheren and Lincoln are quite a handful." Jamia sighed and was turning around but her brother was already retreating to check on the children. She regarded Frank with a rueful expression. "I'm really sorry I can't come with you."

Frank felt a little faint-headed and deflated now that Jamia wasn't coming along with him. He felt like he had lost a crucial part of his confidence. Not wanting to show how disappointed he was at the circumstances, he plastered on a smile on his features. "Nah, it's totally fine. I can manage." He shrugged casually.

"Yea?"

"Yea." He nodded and hesitated. "I'll see you tomorrow then." He said and gave Jamia a quick kiss before watching the door close. With a sigh, he ran his fingers through his hair and vexed inwardly about the party; no doubt it'd be very awkward and what's to say if anyone he knew would be there at all? As he walked down the corridor to the elevators, he almost considered returning to his apartment.

Anthony would ask him questions but then Frank could always come up with an excuse. But then the image of Gerard bloomed in in his mind, reminding him that the older boy was there at the party. The hand in his pocket which was fiddling with his car keys clenched around the metal.

 _It's just one night. All you gotta do is find Gerard._  He told himself and pressed the elevator call button.  _And then just work everything out from there_.

 

* * *

 

Either Frank was very late or everyone else was too excited to arrive on time. After he parked his car a street away from Lindsey's house and walked there, the place was already packed with people. Electronic dance music throbbed through the night, filled with the sounds of raucous laughter and loud whoops from inside the two-storey house.

Anxiety drummed in his chest to the bass that vibrated throughout the floor when he entered. Now, Frank always had a problem with crowded spaces and the doorway was already giving him difficulty. There were just too many people in this place! A few of the partygoers regarded him long enough to be considered rude when he tried to squeeze through the bodies packed in the area.

Already feeling disoriented, Frank turned to a blue-haired girl by the stairs who was speaking to a boy. "Excuse me." He began, clearing his throat. "Do you know where Lindsey is?" Even though he had no desire to find the host of the party, he had a feeling that he'd be able to find Gerard wherever Lindsey was.

The girl was in the midst of recounting a story about a houseplant when she faced Frank. She nodded and pointed at where Frank deduced was the kitchen. "She's in there with a couple of her friends."

"Thanks." Frank headed in that direction. Shouldering his way into the room, he wasn't all that surprised to find that a group of teenagers were playing the classic game of beer pong on the counter. They were cheering noisily while two girls played off against each other. As they were crowding around, Frank was certain that there would be no chance that Lindsey would spot him as a party-crasher past the bodies that surrounded her when someone broke away from them.

Frank's heart did a little flip in his chest upon recognizing that person as Gerard. Even though he was dressed in a dark blue pullover hoodie and jeans, Frank thought he looked really good tonight. Gerard didn't see him, however, and was smiling to himself like he had thought of something funny and went to the sink, back facing Frank.

The humming of Frank's nerves made him feel jittery all over; he tried sucking in a deep breath to dispel the sensation and to steel his nerves but it didn't work too well because Gerard had turned around, now with a glass of water in his hand, and made Frank forget how to exhale properly when their gazes met each other. Frank ended up coughing but Gerard's features lit up instantly.

"You're here!" The older boy exclaimed happily when he walked over to Frank. He took a sip of his water and continued. "I'm so glad you're here." The corners of his lips tugged up even more although, Frank noticed, he was smiling rather crookedly. Nevertheless, the younger boy found it charming.

"You are?" Frank laughed in disbelief as his cheeks heated up. "Me too. I was looking for you, actually." He admitted shyly.

Gerard's eyebrows arched in amusement. "Really? Wow." He giggled a sound that made Frank's pulse quicken. Gesturing at the group behind him, Gerard added, "I was actually watching Lindsey and her friends play beer pong. It's a weird game, but at least they're not using those red party cups."

"Do you have a thing against those?" Frank questioned.

Gerard bit his lower lip and shrugged. "Not really. But when you see it all the time at parties ..." Frank never got to know what the other boy wanted to say because he trailed off, furrowing his brows in a thoughtful manner.

Not wanting this to lapse into an awkward silence which would involve Gerard staring into space and Frank trying to think of something witty to say so he could make the other boy laugh, he cleared his throat. "So, you're not gonna dance or whatever?" He nearly bit his tongue when he realized how stupid he sounded asking that question in that high, squeaky tone.

Gerard didn't notice but frowned at Frank. "Me? Oh." He shook his head. "Not drinking, not partying. Just wanted to have a veggie burger." He answered with a shrug.

Frank almost burst out laughing incredulously; he really couldn't believe that Gerard would actually come to a party just for the food. He found it awfully endearing of the older boy. Forcing back a silly grin that was threatening to show on his face, he dropped his gaze to the floor and shook his head before regarding Gerard through his lashes. "Wow, Gee. Just ...  _wow_."

The faintest tint of red appeared on Gerard's pale cheeks. "The burgers were great anyway." He stated in a rather miffed tone, crossing his arms with a tiny pout. "Lindsey made them."

Like paint scrubbed away with turpentine, Frank's grin dissipated. A knot formed in his chest upon hearing the mention of the girl's name. He turned his face away before Gerard could catch his expression, drawing his attention to the small round table where some people were playing a round of what looked suspiciously like strip poker. A sudden idea occurred to him and he spoke before he could lose his nerve. "Do you wanna dance?" He blurted out to Gerard.

The older boy's eyebrows arched. "You mean like  _dance_?" Suddenly he sounded abashed. "Oh, I ... I'd love to but ..." He let out a nervous chuckle, rubbing the back of his head. "I have two left feet."

"Me too." Frank nodded but gestured at the living room across the hallway. The place was packed with people, a mass of writhing bodies swaying to the trance music that throbbed throughout the house. "We're already here so might as well, right?"

Pursing his lips thoughtfully, Gerard stared at where Frank had pointed at consideringly for a few moments. "Okay ... But just one song, alright?" He said. "Then I'm out of there so I can play beer pong with Lindsey." He added, a faint trace of stubborn just audible in his tone.

Frank fought back the urge to frown instead pushed back the nervous feeling that had percolating in his chest ever since Gerard spoke with him tonight and reached for the older boy's wrist before leading him to the makeshift dance floor. Gerard had look surprised for a moment when a small smile played on his lips. The two joined the crowd, which parted around them one moment before surrounding them.

Gerard made a small, surprised yelp when someone elbowed him in the ribs while Frank did his best not to get trampled on. The music had quickened from a mid-tempo track to a fast and energetic song. If anyone had been watching the two boys, they'd have guffawed aloud at them.

Gerard was 'dancing' by bobbing up and down on the balls of his feet while Frank simply swayed his body to the song and moved his arms as much as the small space around him allowed him to. And then he heard chuckles. "Gee, cut it out." His cheeks burned but his heart was fluttering at the excitement of making Gerard laugh. "It's not funny."

"I can't help it!" Gerard giggled. "You should see the look on your face --" He broke off, eyes widening when a pretty girl sidled up to him and snaked her body up against him with a sultry smile. An awkward flush painted his face which wore a rather uncomfortable expression. He tried to move away but the girl seemed to be glued to him. Frank saw the flash of panic in the boy's hazel gaze.

Frank's chest tightened with a surge of protectiveness and something else at the sight of Gerard's visible discomfort towards the girl. A crease appeared on his eyebrows as he stopped dancing at once and moved as if to pry the girl from Gerard's body when somebody's hand smacked his butt. He gave a start, whirling around to see who the culprit was. As it turned out, it was just a greasy-haired boy smirking at him suggestively.

Suddenly, a sense of wrongness filled Frank as he stumbled back, bumping into someone in the process. He came to the realization that he really didn't belong here at this party with all these types of people, mashed into the same space with the crowd. His throat began to close up for no particular reason and each breath he took became shallower. The bodies around him seemed to press closer to him, filling him with the feeling of being trapped. His heart slammed away against his ribcage as he began to struggle.

Frank wasn't even aware of how it had happened - just a blur of people, a door and then a noticeable decrease in the volume of noise in his surroundings when a cool breeze fanned his already sweating skin. He was in the front yard now, bent over with his hands on his knees. He always had some amount of difficulty being in crowded places - as it made him feel very small - but in that house he felt like he was being slowly crushed.

Lightheaded as he was, the sound of pattering footsteps followed by the sound of Gerard's anxious and worried voice seemed to clear a little of the nausea he was experiencing. "What?" He frowned, straightening up with an effort. All he had heard Gerard say was a jumble of incoherent gibberish.

"Are you okay? You look like you wanted to throw up in there." Gerard's eyes were wide with concern and Frank had only come to notice that the boy's hand was on his shoulder. While he didn't always like being touched, Frank found this gesture comforting.

Not wanting to worry Gerard, the younger boy shook his head with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I have a bit of a problem being in tight spaces." His voice strained with the effort of sounding light although it cracked slightly at the end.

Something in Gerard's expression flashed fleetingly - sympathy, perhaps? - when he spoke in a soft voice. "Claustrophobia?"

"Oh, no. I mean, I don't think so." Frank frowned but felt unsure of the matter itself. "I just don't like it when there's too many people." He faltered. "It's bad enough that I'm not that tall --"

"Frankie!" Gerard sounded shocked.

"What?"

"Your height isn't a  _bad_  thing!" Gerard placed his hands on his hips. "And you're right: there's just too many people at the party. That girl who danced with me? She tried to put her hands down in my pockets and I could've sworn she would've taken my wallet. Honestly."

While Frank wasn't sure if Gerard was saying all this for his sake or whatever, he felt touched, in an obscure way.

A pout appeared on Gerard's face. "I really thought this party would be fun." He admitted.

Involuntarily, Frank remembered the conversation between the Way brothers about how Mikey had been trying to dissuade Gerard from attending Lindsey's party in the restroom. Not actually wanting to give an indication that he had eavesdropped without really meaning to, he asked in what he hoped was a subtle manner. "How did it go with Lindsey?"

"Huh?" Gerard, who was in midst of ranting about how the music being played was rubbish, broke off with an astonished expression. And then he flushed. "Oh, Lindsey? Um, yea - uh it was fine." His tone had gone a little more higher in pitch than usual and he wasn't looking straight at Frank when he answered. "She's cool."

"Oh."

Gerard regarded him thoughtfully. "Well, I'm not really supposed to be going home at this hour but, say, are you up to hanging out with me for a bit longer tonight?" It was such an odd request, Frank thought, and that bit about being home was peculiar.

But Frank, seized by a sudden burst of impulsivity, jumped to chance of spending more time with this boy. "Yea. Yea I am."

The night was still young and what were the chances that things could take an unexpected turn, right?


	14. twelve

"So, where to?" Frank asked, turning the ignition on after Gerard had buckled his seatbelt. Excitement was apparent on his features, showing through in his half-suppressed grin. He turned to look at the passenger riding shotgun.

The light of a nearby streetlight reflected off the older boy's eyes, accentuating the light hazel in Gerard's irises. Even if it was abit too dark to see, Frank could tell there was a small insouciant smirk on Gerard's lips as he thought of a destination. He hummed under his breath, tugging the seatbelt thoughtfully. "We could go to Taco Bell." He suggested.

"Didn't you have a veggie burger earlier?" Frank laughed as he began to drive out of the neighborhood.

"Growing boys need their nutrition - not that Taco Bell is that nutritious but still. And I have a fast metabolism." Gerard replied earnestly, his hand wandering over to the stereo to fiddle with the knob in search of a radio station; he settled for the alternative rock one. A band Frank recognized,  _The Establishment Was ..._ , filled the atmosphere. Once Gerard was finished turning the volume to his preference - not too loud to deafen them and not too soft that the music was almost negligible - he shrugged. "Okay, maybe not Taco Bell." He added as an afterthought. "I'm not sure if my digestive system can handle it at this time."

"Okay so, where else do you wanna go?"

They were driving through town now. It wasn't late enough for the roads to be deserted but there were considerably less cars around. Frank snuck a glance at the boy beside him; Gerard was peering out the window, his face wasn't visible to the driver but the reflection on the window was. He had a pensive expression on and looked almost like he was considering other food joints they could visit.

It didn't even surprise Frank that he was now struck with the inspiration to capture this moment in his sketches. Since the day he met Gerard at the coffee shop, he was certain that the reason for these sudden bursts were probably because Gerard had always seemed so photogenic to him although now he wasn't so sure himself. There was just something about the older boy that drew Frank to Gerard and every time he did, it filled him with a giddy warmth.

"When was the last time you went to an arcade?" Gerard asked abruptly, snapping Frank out of his reverie. He was regarding the driver with a curious expression, those wide eyes and head cocked slightly to his left.

"Dunno. Two months ago, I think. With my girlfriend."

" _Frankie!_ " Gerard exclaimed with enough amount of surprise that Frank started and looked at him away from the road - long enough to frown.

"What?"

"You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend." There was a playful note to Gerard's tone that made Frank breathless for a second.

"You never asked." Frank was blushing, although he had no idea why he was feeling embarrassed about the fact; come to think of it, he never had a problem with other people's reactions when admitting he was in a relationship although Gerard's made him feel as though he had admitted he had a third nipple or a sixth toe - not that he had that he had those, it just felt like it.

"What's her name?"

"Jamia."

"Aww. Her name sounds adorable." Gerard cooed. "I bet she's cute, isn't she?"

Frank narrowed his eyes at Gerard. "Gee, she's  _my_  girlfriend." To be honest, the thought of Gerard actually being interested in Jamia terrified Frank more than the idea of seeing Gerard kissing Lindsey did. "And yes, she is cute but not that you have to --"

The older boy laughed. "I know. I know. I'm not  _that_  kind of guy. Relax." He patted Frank's arm in what meant to be a reassuring gesture but Frank suddenly became hyperaware that the only barrier between his skin and Gerard's hand was that thin fabric of his shirt. The boy's palm was very warm and even though it had moved away when Frank pulled up in a parking lot across the building where an arcade was located there was the ghost of its pressure.

Frank didn't even realize that he was holding his breath until he spoke, nearly gasping at the end. "We're here."

"Yes we are. I am fully aware of that." Gerard agreed, peering out the window with an expression that could be likened to a child being told that they could have what they wanted in a candy shop. The light of excitement in his hazel eyes became brighter when he grinned at Frank. "To the arcade!" He announced as he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car.

Frank switched off the ignition and stepped out of his car. A warm night breeze blew across his face and pushed strands of his fringe in his eyes. He winced, flicking them away impatiently and glanced at Gerard, who didn't seem to suffer the same way Frank did - if anything, the wind blew his hair  _away_  from his face and his hair was longer than Frank's was.

"What? Is there something on my face?" Gerard frowned at him in bafflement when he caught Frank pouting petulantly.

Frank shook his head and locked his car before shoving his keys down his pocket. "Nothing. Come on, let's go." The two headed for the arcade. The sounds of game machines and loud music playing overhead in the place greeted the two boys. Before Frank could ask Gerard what he wanted to play, the older boy had approached the prize counter to have a look at the stuff there. With a shrug, Frank wandered over next to Gerard.

"I think I want this one." Gerard told him, pointing at a disco ball keychain. "It looks fabulous."

"Mm, yea it does." Frank snickered.

"But I think I'll get this for Mikey." Gerard pointed at a pack of trading cards. "He has a big collection of those back home."

"Why didn't Mikey follow you to the party?" Frank asked, even though he had heard bits of the Way brothers' conversations the other day to suspect that Gerard had risked sneaking out to attend Lindsey's party.

The hesitant look on Gerard's face told him he guessed right so even when Gerard said, "Oh he didn't want to because he wanted to finish homework before going out with his girlfriend, Kristin," in a strained tone that was probably intended to sound dismissive.

"Ok." Frank decided not to ask. "So, which game should we play first?" A smile tugged his lips at the sight of Gerard's eyes lighting up.

"Whack-a-mole. I haven't played it since forever." Gerard stated, clasping his hands in excitement. "Alright, you just wait here and I'll go get us some game tokens."

"Wait." Frank grabbed the sleeve of Gerard's jacket. The older boy regarded him with a mix of curiosity and confusion as Frank fished around his pocket. "Here." He said, putting a crumpled twenty dollar bill in Gerard's hand; he tried to ignore the fluttering feeling in his chest when his fingers brushed against Gerard's palm.

"Frankie." Gerard protested.

"Gee, it's on me."

Noticing that Frank was being stubbornly insistent, Gerard rolled his eyes in exasperation, clearly not wanting to accept Frank's money but relented after their little staring contest. He left Frank to go and exchange the bill for tokens while Frank ambled over to the Mario Kart game, idly watching two girls dressed to pass for twenty-one race against each other when Gerard returned.

They set off to play whack-a-mole. As Frank didn't want to go first, he let Gerard play first. The older boy tucked his hair away from his face and picked up the mallet before inserting the tokens into the machine, which gave a satisfied beep. He grinned at Frank, waving the mallet. "This is gonna be easy peasy pumpkin peasy."

"It's lemon squeezy, actually." Frank corrected.

Gerard ignored him. "Pumpkin pie,  _motherfucker_." He announced when a mole popped out of the hole. He proceeded to whack them and Frank watched him, with a mix of surprise and admiration, noting how Gerard's expression had shifted from a playful one to mask of concentration. His brows were knitted, lips pressed into a thin white line. And his reaction speed impressed Frank; every single time a mole had only popped up Gerard swung his mallet down on it. Once the game was over, Gerard had only missed one mole.

He looked slightly disappointed. "Almost got that last bugger." He told Frank with a small pout as the machine spewed out the tickets. He was bending down to retrieve the tickets when Frank stopped him. "What is it?" He frowned, baffled.

"This is how I get a little more than what's given to me." Frank replied and slowly tugged on the ticket that was halfway out the machine. It took some effort to pull out extras when the resistance from the dispenser broke off the stub. "Here. Now we have two tickets extra."

Gerard's eyebrows were arched. "I did not know we could do that."

"It's something my buddy, Pete, taught me." Frank shrugged. "Anyway, what do you wanna try next?"

"The coindozer?"

"You're gonna finish all the tokens if you do!" Frank protested, wondering if Gerard had ever learned a lesson from playing that bloodsucking machine. He stared at the older boy, watching a smirk curled Gerard's lips crookedly.

"Now it's my turn to show you the tricks of the trade."

*

"See? What did I tell you?" Gerard laughed, giving Frank a playful punch on the arm. "You shouldn't have worried so much; look at all the tickets we got!" He held up the neatly folded stubs, which was probably more than enough for them to get the disco ball keychain and a pack of trading cards.

"Okay, okay. I get it: you're really good at the coindozer. Who would've thought?" Frank rolled his eyes but was smiling anyway. Much to his surprise earlier, Gerard managed to win them tickets from a bloodsucking game machine. Although Gerard had insisted it was just a matter of luck and patience as someone else had spent their tokens before they played, Frank suspected Gerard had a good eye for timing.

"So we have three tokens left." Frank said, taking the coins out of his pocket. "Wanna finish them off?"

"Sure." Gerard nodded and looked around the arcade, standing on his tiptoes. "What about the claw?"

"The claw?" Frank looked at the machine skeptically. There were dozens of cute plushies for display. "Are you sure about that?"

Gerard was eyeing the machine thoughtfully, lower lip slightly stuck out. "Yep." He nodded before putting his finger up the glass, pointing at a pink-maned unicorn plushie. Frank did a double take to make sure he was seeing things right. "That one. I wanna get it for Mikey."

"Seriously?"

The right corner of Gerard's mouth curled up higher than his left, resulting in his signature crooked grin Frank was starting to get familiar with. He nodded. "Nothing manlier than a unicorn-loving man."

"Mikey's not legally an adult yet and --"

"He does identify himself as a male. And  _biologically_   _speaking_ , he is old enough to produce --"

"You can stop right there." Frank cut Gerard off, cheeks burning, before the older boy could launch into a lecture and pressed the tokens in Gerard's hands. The taller of the two turned his face away but not before a smile of triumph formed when he stepped up to the machine. Apprehension resulting from the suspense of watching Gerard tentatively inserting the token began to bubble in Frank's chest. "Wait, Gee --"

Whatever he wanted to say was lost to the sound of the machine swallowing up the token. Once again, the mask of concentration was worn on Gerard's face. His tongue stuck out between his lips in the slightest as he moved the joystick around and tapped the button to grab the plushie. He failed on the first try, though he managed to move the unicorn closer to the dispensing slot.

"What was that you wanted to say?" Gerard asked Frank distractedly.

"I --" But Frank swallowed his words once more when Gerard tried again; he failed to bring the unicorn to the slot, dropping it approximately three inches further than the plushie had been lying atop a pile of miniature turtles.

Gerard swore under his breath, scowling. A light sheen of sweat was already forming on his brow and the back of his hand moved to wipe over it. The last try was probably the most stressful for Frank to watch. He felt nervous, not because Gerard had used up the last token because he was kinda expecting Gerard to get the unicorn plushie. The thrumming of anxiety ceased long enough for Frank to realize that Gerard had almost brought the unicorn to the slot when he sneezed.

His hand jerked, causing the claw to swing sideways and drop the plushie.

Frank swore just as the unicorn fell ...

... right into the slot.

Gerard made an cry of triumph, pumping his fists in the air and hopping on his toes. "HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH!" He exclaimed as Frank bent to collect the plushie. "DID YOU SEE THAT? OH MY GOSH!" While the sounds of the arcade was loud, Gerard's voice was pitched loud enough to be heard over the noise.

"Yea I did." Frank was chuckling as Gerard did a little victory dance when the older boy threw his arms around him, causing him to nearly topple over had it not been his back fetching up against the claw machine. The laughter died in his throat, turning into a choked noise of shock. His body was stiff against Gerard's tight embrace. Probably thinking Frank was uncomfortable, Gerard loosened his hold when Frank, as if springing back to attention past his surprise, wrapped his arms around Gerard.

The older boy smelled of something sweet - cinnamon, perhaps? - with a hint of smoke on his clothes. Warmth radiated off from him, filling Frank with a fleeting sense of safety and comfort. He would've stayed there for longer but all too soon, Gerard was drawing back and Frank was forced to let him go, doing so tentatively.

Gerard, with his eyes shining bright with laughter and grinning his crooked smile, regarded Frank. The younger of the two looked up at him, feeling his heart beating hard and fast against his ribcage. His gaze drifted from Gerard's to the older boys lips, and was seized by a sudden urge to kiss him. Blood roared in his ears and Frank was about to do it when Gerard let him go. Disappointment squeezed his chest, followed by a strange sensation of relief.

"That was exciting!" Gerard exclaimed. Whether he was talking about that fleeting and electrifying moment of tension earlier or winning the unicorn plushie. Frank decided it was the latter as there was no signs of visible awkwardness or afterflashes of hesitation on Gerard's face.

"Y-Yea." Frank managed a smile and pushed away his fringe that had fallen over his eyes. His hand shook. "Here." He gave Gerard the plushie without looking at him. The rest of the taller boy's response was a wash of white noise and Frank had only heard the words  _brother_ ,  _tickets_  and  _disco balls_. He frowned, only coming to realization that Gerard was leading him by the hand to the prize counter. "Wha --" His head felt like a mass of cotton balls, clouding up the processing of his surroundings.

Gerard smiled over at him from his shoulder away from the bored-looking arcade employee. "We should get the disco ball keychains."

"Sure." Frank mumbled. "Wait, I thought  _you_  wanted to keychain." He frowned as Gerard pawed around his pockets for the tickets.

"We have to get you something." Gerard replied, pushing the tickets to the employee before pointing at the glittery keychains and holding up two fingers. "You deserve it."

"For  _what_?" Frank demanded, bewildered.

"For existing."

" _Gee_ , no." Frank's cheeks were burning from Gerard's response but his heart was doing somersaults in his chest.

"Gee,  _yes_." Gerard was turning around and pushing the miniature disco ball in Frank's hand. "Take it, or I will unfriend you." He said with a serious expression.

"What is this?  _Facebook_?" Frank snorted, shaking his head.

"It's a disco ball keychain." Gerard told him, looking confused. "Not a Facebook."

"Never mind." Frank decided to change the topic before they could go down that tangent and looked out the exit to the convenience store across the street. "I'm actually feeling thirsty right now. Do you wanna come with me and buy something to drink?"

"As long as it's on me." Gerard booped his nose playfully, successfully turning Frank's face red in the process - not that he had seen as he turned around and left the arcade. Frank stared after him, breathless, before he went out after him. He was so caught up with catching up with Gerard that he didn't notice a two men following after them.


	15. thirteen

"Wait, hold on. Lemme put the stuff in the car." Gerard said as they crossed the street. "I don't like lugging things around in my hand." He turned for the parking lot and Frank had no choice but to follow after him.

The area was pretty much deserted and dark, with a few cars parked here and there. They reached Frank's vehicle. Emitting a beep as soon as Frank pressed the  _Unlock_  button on his key remote, Gerard placed his things in the backseat. As he was leaning down to put the stuffed unicorn properly, Frank received a good - and unintentional - view of his butt.

It wasn't fair how his tight jeans seemed to accentuate the curve of it or how it seemed to be able to hold Frank's attention for an unnecessary second. Heat flushed into the younger boy's cheeks as he pulled his gaze to the cracked pavement.  _What the_ _fuck_ , he thought to himself, cringing at his own actions while Gerard shut the car door, oblivious that Frank had unintentionally checked him out.

Noticing the spaced out expression on the younger boy's face, Gerard gave Frank a gentle nudge with his elbow. "Hey, you okay?" He asked, cocking his head.

Frank shrugged nonchalantly. "Fine." He mumbled and turned his face away. He didn't notice the slight frown of concern plastered on Gerard's brow as they walked to the convenience store across the arcade. As it was nearly midnight, the streets were mostly deserted at this time and had an eerily quiet atmosphere that made Frank grateful that he wasn't alone. They reached the store, pushing open the door which caused the bell hanging by the frame to jingle welcomingly. The attendant at the register simply gave them a glance before returning to reading their magazine with a bored expression.

"So which one do you want?" Gerard asked when he and Frank reached the beverage aisle. He was regarding Frank curiously as the younger of the two selected a bottle of mineral water. "You sure you don't want a soda?" He asked, which Frank felt was unnecessary.

"I'm sure." Frank nodded and turned to Gerard. "I can't have sugary drinks at this time of the night. I want to sleep too, y'know?" He added.

A small amused grin curved the corner of Gerard's lips crookedly. "Okay, Frankie. Hmm, let's see ..." He hummed under his breath, pausing to contemplate which drink to buy before he selected a bottle of soymilk. The two boys went to pay at the register - well, Gerard paid because he insisted stubbornly, much to Frank's embarrassment - before they left the store.

Frank was busy struggling to open his bottle when they crossed the street, he hadn't realized that Gerard had broken into an abrupt halt. The older boy had to catch him by the sleeve to stop him from potentially walking into someone in front of them. Frank barely registered the menacing looks on the two men standing in their way at first, only doing so when he saw the wide-eyed expression Gerard was wearing.

The men were tall and broad-shouldered, regarding the boys with menacing scowls on their rough-looking faces. In the dim light of the streetlights, they appeared like street thugs.

Frank's heart began to pound in his chest as he struggled to keep a calm appearance which was at odds with how panicked he was inside. Beside him, Gerard stiffened and the hand that had a firm grip on his sleeve slid down Frank's arm. Under different circumstances, the younger boy would have felt giddy and surprised that Gerard was holding his hand. However, with the two men glaring at them like they had committed a mortal sin - or stolen their food.

"Look, we don't want any trouble." Frank began, squeezing Gerard's hand in his as he took a slow step backward in hopes that the other boy would do the same.

One of the men, the taller one with a shaved head and facial tattoos, narrowed his eyes and Frank had that unnerving sensation that it was his and Gerard's intertwined hands that seemed to offend the two men. Suddenly, a terrifying image of Gerard getting hurt arose in Frank's mind and that made him grip Gerard's hand tighter. He didn't hear the faint noise of pain Gerard had let out as he began back away, faster now, when both men advanced.

In a split second, his brain had laid out two options before him: fight or flight. And being a boy of his stature, he had no chance standing up to those two men. Without warning, he swiveled on his heel and half-shoved half-hauled Gerard. A single exhalation burst from him in a single second the moment he met Gerard's shocked eyes. " _Run!_ "

His heart slammed against his chest that it felt like every pulsation was pushing him forward with every step. Gerard's hand was no longer in his but he didn't have to be holding it to know that the older boy was right beside him, sprinting the same pace as he was down the dark, deserted streets. The blood roaring in his ears muffled the shouts of the two men calling out profanities at them.

In a detached sense, Frank wondered what he had done to them - or what Gerard did - to piss them off. He was certain that he hadn't met them, anyway.

Both he and Gerard ran blindly, never looking back for the fear of tripping and getting hurt in the process; they hardly needed to as they could hear the sounds of pursuit.

"Here!" Gerard yanked Frank's arm as he banked left into an alleyway, nearly causing the younger boy to topple over from the force of his pull. The stench of rotting garbage and rat urine invaded Frank's lungs, which was already struggling to keep up with the need for a higher intake of oxygen. He gagged, coughing when they reached the end.

"Shit!" Gerard swore at the wire-fence separating them from getting to the other side of the alley where a street was located. His head spun wildly over his shoulder, not at all noticing that Frank was sweating and panting with effort.

"We're so fucking  _screwed_." Frank hissed, although it sounded more like a dying breath. His muscles and skin was on fire from exertion and his sweat didn't seem to help matters as a proper cooling mechanism for his body. He could hear the men gaining closer, from their silhouettes against the streetlights at the mouth of the alley and their footsteps. Sure, he feared the worst but his body seemed to be giving up. Detachedly, he found it sad how his stamina had decreased ever since he stopped swimming years ago and did regret it a little when he heard a noise like metal chains being shook.

Whipping his head back, he saw Gerard climbing the fence. There was something agile and graceful in the way he did that reminded Frank of a cat scaling a tree. A ripple of surprise passed him when Gerard swung his legs over the top of the fence and dropped onto his feet like a feline on the other side. "What are you --"

"COME ON!" Gerard yelled and some dormant athletic part of Frank snapped to action, overriding his logical sense. With a speed and strength he didn't realize he had - caused by the adrenaline burning in his veins - he jumped and climbed. His skin screamed as the scrabbled against the wires, tearing blisters open as he struggled to get himself up. The men were not too far away from where he was when he managed to swing his legs over the fence.

A rush of triumph exploded in him as he pushed himself off to drop to the ground like Gerard did when a sudden lurching sense of wrongness stopped his heart for a split second. A force tugged him for the briefest of moments by the waistband of his jeans and jarred his fall. Instead of landing on his feet, he landed awkwardly on his hands and knees and rolled onto the side with groan. The impact of landing had lanced up his body and left him lying limply on the ground.

Frank was barely aware of Gerard hauling him to his feet by the arm. He was wobbling unsteadily as he tried to break into a run as a wave of nausea washed over him resulting from a throbbing pain in his left wrist that was intensifying with every heartbeat. The two men were swearing ugly things at them from the other side of the fence, strangely making no attempt to chase them any more, and Frank thought he heard words like  _disgusting_ ,  _unnatural_  and  _death_  as Gerard dragged him away.

His lungs were on fire and it felt like his throat had been scraped with sandpaper when Gerard made him sit down on the side of an unfamiliar street.

The ache in his left wrist had flared into outright pain and before Frank knew it, he was throwing up on the pavement. His ears were ringing loud enough to muffle Gerard's words. Despite that, Frank could tell from the way Gerard spoke so fast to the point that he slurred that the older boy was worried.

Gerard was swearing as he patted Frank's back fluently in attempts to aid the younger boy but it was as helpful as causing pain to Frank.

" _Stop_." Frank waved his hand weakly, smacking lightly on Gerard's arm. That was when the slight touch sent an abrupt spike of pain to jolt right up Frank's wrist. He yelped in pain, wincing. " _Shit_."

Gerard's cussing ended in an abrupt and almost inaudible gasp when he saw Frank cradle his injured hand. "Let me see." His voice was shaking but his words were firm.

Frank felt his cheeks burn. Perhaps it was the innate sense of ego he had in him that tempted him to refuse but when his eyes met with Gerard's wide and worried hazel-colored ones, his choices narrowed to a single option. Pressing his lips together as nervousness and guilt melded underneath his ribcage, he obliged and held out his wrist. He cringed at the sight of it; there were blisters on his fingers from the scrabbling up the wire-fence and his wrist seemed bent at a wrong angle.

Gerard's small frown on his face worn when he was checking Frank's hand shifted into hesitance, unease then anxiousness. "I think you broke your wrist." He whispered.

Frank hissed under his breath as he tried to movie his hand and was greeted with a sharp hot pain stabbing the affected area. "Fuck." His eyes were burning as he stood up and assessed the damage, worry and fear beginning choke him up inside. "My dad's gonna  _kill_  me."

*

It did kinda feel like Frank was waiting for his death sentence as he sat in the waiting room, staring at a poster about the importance of hygiene. His stomach was constantly knotting itself with anxiety and worry. As soon as he called his father on the way to a nearby hospital and told him he had broken his wrist, the deadly calm tone his father had used when he replied to Frank scared him. It reminded him of thin ice and no doubt as soon as his father arrived Frank would receive a good scolding,

Beside him sat Gerard, perusing a cross-stitch magazine with a deadly earnest expression; his eyebrows were furrowed and his nose was almost touching the page on how to make a pattern of a dragon. Frank would've taken this opportunity to admire him discreetly but the pain in his wrist was screaming for his attention.

He hadn't realized that he'd broke his wrist when he fell as a result of fear and adrenaline blocking his receptor nerves from registering the injury. He had only felt a brief snap, followed by tingling sensation in his fingers. He looked at his hand now when his eyes were distracted by a young man in white - a nurse - walking up to them. 

"Mr Frank Lero, Junior?" The man said in a questioning tone, completely getting Frank's surname wrong as he regarded both him and Gerard with a slight quirk of his eyebrow. Frank sat up.

"It's  _eye_ -ear- _oh_." It wasn't Frank who corrected him but Gerard, who was placing the magazine he had been reading on the vacant seat beside him.

"Huh." The nurse took another look at his clipboard and then back at Frank. "Ah well, I must've mistaken that capital I for an L that purposely wasn't capitalized." He mumbled, flushing slightly red in the cheeks. "Doctor Hoppus will see you now." He announced and swiveled on his heel.

Frank moved to follow the nurse but stopped short when he was aware of Gerard hastily hurrying after him. He frowned, feeling a twinge of embarrassment. "You can go home, Gee. It's pretty late."

"It's fine." Gerard protested. His lashes veiled his eyes in the briefest of moments before he looked at Frank through them. "Besides, it's the least I could do." He added in a strangely insistent tone.

"Do what?" Frank frowned and heard two people call his name at the same time. One was the nurse's voice and the other was his father's. Of course, Frank responded to his father, turning to face Anthony who was approaching him quickly. The knots in his stomach tightened even more at the sight of the stern look on his father's face. He swore under his breath before forcing a smile on his face to which his father did not return. "Dad."

"What happened to you?" His father demanded, staring at Frank's swollen hand with an expression of horror and worry. Frank didn't dare to repeat to his father that he had broken his wrist. "Oh my god, what have you --" He broke off, suddenly aware of the boy beside Frank who was trying not to look as if he happened to be caught in an awkward situation. "And who's this girl with you?" Frank's father asked, narrowing his eyes at Gerard as he looked him up and down as though assessing whether this was the person who broke his son's wrist.

Gerard choked while Frank made a noise of protest. "This is Gerard, my friend." Frank said.

"I'd like to have a few words with you, Gerard." Anthony said in a tone Frank thought fathers only used when threatening their daughters' boyfriends. This, Frank felt, was unnecessary and brought heat to his cheeks as Gerard stared at Anthony with a very confused but frightened expression. "Frank, go see the doctor. Your friend and I will have a little talk."

Frank didn't want to leave Gerard with his angry father but his wrist needed medical attention. Giving the other boy and his father an apologetic smile to which they didn't see, he followed the nurse to Doctor Hoppus' room.


	16. fourteen

"Whoa what the hell happened to your arm??" Frank turned around from his locker to face Tony, goggling at his cast with an expression of shock. The shorter boy's face reddened with embarrassment as he moved it away from Tony's sight. Not wanting to appear more pitiful than he already was, Frank met his friend's gaze that was a bit too intense to be considered as a casual look.

"I fractured my wrist." Frank replied, ignoring how his own voice warbled at the end. It wasn't helping matters at all that Tony's expression was that of a questioning one, even if the boy did his best to conceal it. "It's a long story."

"Must've been some weekend." Tony muttered under his breath with concern before offering to help Frank carry his belongings to class, which he rejected. Awkwardly clutching the next two period's worth of books to his chest, both he and Tony headed for homeroom, where Frank received more uncomfortable stares, from both the students and his teacher. Not wanting any questions, he rushed out as soon as the bell rang for classes to begin and as Tony had the same Biology class as Frank, the poor boy had to run after him.

He saw a couple of his friends in the hallway but his height worked to his advantage as he ducked his head and hurried to the lab without any of them noticing. The next periods of class was uneventful besides people giving badly concealed glances at his wrist splint. When it was lunch period, Frank managed to slip away from the crowds. With the music room as his destination in mind, he kept looking around to see if he could catch the sight of Gerard anywhere.

The thought of seeing the older boy anywhere filled him with a sense of awkwardness and perhaps a little guilt. After their disastrous night-out, Frank had pretty much received a good scolding from his father before he was grounded. Gerard had sent about a total of thirteen messages and three missed calls within twenty-four hours of the incident. It one thing to have embarrassed yourself in front of a friend by having your parent practically interrogate and tell them off but to have them worried over a fractured body part, Frank felt, was way more embarrassing.

Besides, it was his fault for being a graceless idiot not because of Gerard's brilliant method of escape from those men the other night.

Frank was rather hoping he could at least spend the whole lunch period alone but he was so caught up in thinking of how embarrassing it would be running into Gerard that the moment he entered the music room it took him about a few moments to realize two things. One, the room was already occupied. Two, he was to deep in thought to have even realized that the boy at the piano was Gerard.

Seeing Gerard made Frank's heart do a tiny skip but this time it did a complete three-sixty flip. His and Gerard's eyes widened as their gazes crossed each other when Frank swiveled abruptly on his heel, making as if to exit at once.

"No! Frankie, don't go!" Gerard called out, nearly falling out of his seat in attempts to get up. He swore fluently under his breath as Frank turned around, slowly. Before Frank could say anything, Gerard had strode over with a frown plastered on his face. Every nerve in Frank's body told him he was in trouble but when Gerard made it to within about a foot away and picked his left arm with such gentleness, his head swam dizzyingly.

"You didn't reply my texts or my calls." Gerard said, sounding almost hurt. He was still holding Frank's wrist and the fact that the younger boy's pulse was hammering hard enough to be felt through the stiff material of the splint made Frank attempt to pull his hand away. But no matter how much he wanted to, he didn't.

"I'm sorry, Gee." Frank answered and winced at the realization of how insensitive that must've sounded to Gerard. Biting his lower lip, he added. "I didn't want you to worry about me."

Gerard's head snapped up when he fixed a utterly disbelieving gaze on Frank. "Didn't want me to  _worry_  about you?" He scoffed, placing his hands on his hips. "Frank! You broke your wrist and I'm responsible for that!"

"Actually --"

"Honestly, Frankie. I  _have_  the right to be worried for  _you_."

"You don't have to be."

"Nonsense." Gerard waved his hand with a stubbornly dismissive air. He regarded Frank from beneath his lashes, a tiny gesture of his that seemed to make blood roar in Frank's ears, before Gerard sighed. "The important thing here is you're okay now. Well, besides your wrist. You're lucky I like you enough to forgive you."

Had Frank been more busy studying all the tiny details about Gerard, he wouldn't have heard the last sentence the other boy said. It probably didn't mean anything as significant in the context that Frank had suddenly thought of for no particular reason but the way Gerard said it, like he genuinely cared about Frank's wellbeing created waves of warmth to wash over him. A small smile curved on Frank's lips.

But before Frank could say anything in response, Gerard had changed the topic of the conversation. "Were you looking for me?" There was an almost imperceptible catch at the end of his voice.

"What?" Frank's face burned. In a way, he had been keeping his eye out for Gerard but it was more because he wanted to avoid awkward run-ins and have the boy worry over his wrist like he had earlier. At any rate, the words stuck in his throat. Frank's eyes flitted over to the piano where Gerard was seated at earlier and said, "Were you playing anything?"

Confused, Gerard frowned.

"On the piano. Were you playing any song?" Frank asked.

"Oh. Yea I was."

"I didn't know you played."

Gerard shrugged, peering at the piano now. "I guess it's because the topic never came up." Frank wondered if it was because of that heady rush in his veins making hear things or if that tone of Gerard's was that of a rueful one. "Do you play too?" Gerard asked curiously.

"The guitar." Frank responded. "But I can't because of, well ..." He gestured at his splint.

"Yea. Sorry about that." Gerard's expression was sheepish. He bit his lower lip consideringly, glancing over his shoulder at the piano. "Well, come and join me." He moved to approach the musical instrument.

Frank stared at him in bafflement before his mind managed to process that Gerard was asking him to sit next to him while he played. Of course, the mere idea of being that close to Gerard brought heat to his cheeks and his heart to beat faster but when he physically sat down next to the older boy, his thoughts were now seizing on random details like the faint smell of citrus on Gerard, the feeling of their shoulders brushing, how warm the seat felt and all the unimportant stuff that only made him all the more nervous.

All those stopped was when Gerard began to play. The first thing that caught Frank's attention was the graceful way his deft fingers moved across the keys before his ears caught the tune. At first he didn't recognize the vaguely familiar song, and was wearing a small frown of concentration as he struggled to recall when Gerard started to hum along, beginning to immerse himself into the music.

" _And if you stay I would even wait all night / Or until my heart explodes._ " Gerard sang under his breath as his fingers danced on the keys.

And without thinking, or worrying about how his own voice sounded, Frank sang the second half of the chorus to Gerard. " _'Til we find our way in the dark and out of harm / You can run away with me anytime you want._ " He bit his lip almost immediately but when he caught the flash of a smile on Gerard's features, he relaxed.

So it went on like this, with Gerard singing a few parts and Frank doing the same, until the song ended. Now, it didn't matter that Frank had mumbled some of the lyrics as he was unsure if they were correct or Gerard harmonizing the parts he couldn't remember, there was just something indescribable Frank was feeling.

It was a happy sort of feeling, a warm buzzing in his veins, but there was much more to that like a tiny spark. Gerard had looked up from the piano, smiling at Frank who did the same.

"I didn't know you could play so well." Frank said softly.

"I'm not  _that_  good." Gerard gave a sort of nervous laugh. "I just practice a lot."

"That was Summertime by Your Catalytic Relationship, right?"

Gerard nodded, leaning back slightly. "Did you like it? When I played, I mean." For a moment, Frank thought he sounded insecure. His heart squeezed achingly under his ribcage. There was no reason Gerard should feel that way. If Frank had to vouch, that had to be the best instrumental cover he had heard. Slowly, he raised his hand and touched Gerard's shoulder. The older boy glanced at him, his eyebrows arching in the slightest.

"Gerard, it was beautiful." Frank said, looking at Gerard seriously in the eyes. "I loved it." He said sincerely.

And the moment Frank felt like he had fulfilled something of great importance was when Gerard's pretty hazel eyes lit up at his compliment.

"Aww, thanks Frankie." Gerard's cheeks tinted a light shade of red briefly. And Frank wasn't aware of it but he leaning in slowly to Gerard, who was doing the same. Frank's heart was racing in his chest as the distance between their lips began to grow smaller and smaller; it was only a matter of time before they met in the middle.

Frank's eyes had fluttered shut and the excited anticipation of actually getting to kiss Gerard had swelled before it fizzled out when he felt something brush the tip of his nose but nothing on his lips. There was a twinge of disappointment when he opened his eyes to find Gerard no longer facing him but at the piano with his head ducked. There was the obvious sign of the other boy blushing furiously.

Of course, Frank felt confused and disappointed that Gerard didn't kiss him. In fact, he wondered if the reason why they didn't actually kiss was because of him. It was then when he heard a high-pitched sound and turned around to see what was causing the noise to find Mikey unzipping the case for his bass. Frank hadn't heard him enter the room earlier and was almost relieved, now, that Mikey hadn't walked into a potentially awkward scenario.

Mikey glanced up with a small frown as though he was recently aware of Frank staring at him and raised an eyebrow. "Is there something wrong?" He asked mildly.

Frank's face flushed. "Uh, no. Everything's fine." He tried to get up hastily but almost unbalanced himself; his sudden movement was halted when Gerard grabbed his arm to steady him. "Thanks." He told Gerard in a rather squeaky tone.

Gerard flashed him a quick smile but what made Frank's heart ache all of a sudden was that Gerard didn't look at him when he did so.

 _But why do you care if he looks at you?_  A small voice said from the back of Frank's mind. Pressing his lips together, he drew away from Gerard and the seat before hurrying out the music room without any explanation.

If only he had seen the expressions on the Way brothers' faces; Mikey's with confusion but Gerard's with a slight hint of guilt.


	17. fifteen

Frank was wrong when he thought he'd have that scene of the almost-kiss with Gerard playing over and over in his head nagging him for the rest of the day, which was a relief when he reflected back on it. The subject teachers of the last few periods that day had loaded him with a lot of homework so his mind was busy.

He and Jamia had decided to do their work at the coffee shop, which happened to be where Gerard worked. Initially he had been against the idea but when Jamia had asked why he basically agreed to go with her, not wanting to explain how awkward he felt with the idea of being around Gerard now,  _especially_  not after they had almost kissed. Perhaps it was childish of him but Frank hadn't always been the most mature person for his age.

"I'm pretty sure that isn't the solution for number nine." Frank murmured, chewing on his lower lip absentmindedly as he compared his Math worksheet with Jamia's with a small frown on his face. "Although I could be wrong." He said, consulting to the back of the textbook for the correct answer.

Jamia was sitting in the booth next to him so when she leaned over to have a look, Frank caught the faint scent of her perfume, lavender. Her eyebrows were slightly furrowed into a pensive expression as both her and Frank referred to answer section and compared it with theirs. "Ah, right. I got the plus and the minus mixed up." She began to correct her working.

Frank's and Jamia's books, papers and pens were scattered around the table - owing mostly to Frank's messy habit of cluttering a workspace within two minutes of occupying it; Jamia hadn't bothered telling him off, even if she liked her things to be kept orderly and neatly. The coffees they had ordered earlier were taking longer than usual and Frank's concentration was slipping with each passing moment.

"I hate Math." Frank told his girlfriend, scowling down at his worksheet. "D'you think if I fractured my right wrist instead, I'd be exempted from homework?"

Jamia, who was still struggling to complete the last word problem, gave him a brief glance. She frowned. "Frank, you wouldn't want the work to pile up, do you? You know how Mr Dirnt is like." She tutted but Frank hadn't noticed the way she had looked worried at his splint.

Frank's lower lip jutted out in annoyance. Currently his mind was fresh out of the ability to focus on his homework so he allowed his mind to drift about.

At this time of the day, the evening crowd had yet to make an appearance at the coffee shop. It was still quiet, save for the occasional sounds of coffee machines percolating, the odd conversations about whether Dumbledore or Gandalf would win in a magical duel and the ambient music playing overhead. The effect of the smell of coffee hadn't done its part to revive Frank's focus and it didn't help matters that he kept thinking about Gerard.

Idly, he reached for his backpack and dug around till he found what he was looking for: Gerard's sketchbook, which was titled Killjoy ideas. It was the very book that Gerard had described as where he used to draw his ideas for a comic he wanted to work on in the future but abandoned it because he didn't like it that much.

To Frank though, this was the best thing anyone had ever lent him - not given as Frank felt like Gerard probably wanted it back sooner or later at some point in time. His fingers brushed over the pages that were inked with designs and drawings of characters. He flipped till he reached the middle of the book, where his favorite scene was located.

The characters present were Party Poison, a bright red-haired character, with a blond biker kid named Kobra Kid and a tall wild-haired person, Jet Star; the three characters were watching as the sun set in a desert from their car that was parked over a cliff.

A sticky-note was attached to this particular work with  _Add character Fun Ghoul, search for_ _inspo_  written on it in crabbed handwriting. This scene always made Frank wish he was a part of the Killjoys' squad, after realizing that these characters, Party Poison, Kobra Kid and Jet Star were based on Gerard, his brother and friend respectively. After all, Gerard did like him enough to let Frank in as his friend, right?

It was funny if you thought about how Frank was thinking about Gerard because Gerard was walking into the shop that exact moment, with a stiff expression. His brother, Mikey, also wore the same look on his face except on his features, it made the younger of the two seem as if he secretly wanted to punch someone in the face.

Frank didn't really notice all these details because he had only looked up the same time the Way brothers walked in and had his heart leap with surprise all of a sudden. More effectively than a kick of liquidated caffeine would work on his focus, Frank sat up straight immediately as his eyes followed Gerard across the shop.

Frank and Jamia were sitting near the back corner furthest away from the counter so even if Gerard wanted to, he wouldn't notice Frank's presence right away. Frank tried his best to ignore the disappointment that bit him and turned his attention back to the sketchbook.

Apparently, Jamia was looking at it as well. "Is this yours?" She asked curiously, pointing at sketchbook.

Frank suppressed the urge to laugh. "Nah. If I could draw like this ..." He trailed off as the image of himself drawing Gerard better entered his mind; a ting sting of envy towards Gerard's drawing skills were felt in his chest. Shaking his head, he sat up. "It's Gerard's."

As if by magic, the owner of the mentioned name appeared. "So sorry for keeping you two waiting for your orders - Oh, hi there Frankie!" Gerard was setting their drinks - coffee for Frank and strawberry milkshake for Jamia - on the table when he grinned at Frank, who was blushing hard. There was no trace of awkwardness in his voice, nor the forced hint of casualness that Frank had expected to hear layered over his words. It would've seemed like the embarrassing incident between both him and Frank hadn't happened at all.

"Jamia, good to see you here too!" Gerard turned to Jamia, smiling brightly. "Did you get any of the English Lit homework done? I still can't work out the metrical foot of ..." Both Jamia and Gerard launched into a conversation that Frank couldn't keep up with the foreign-sounding terms that they used.

As Frank watched the two while awkwardly drinking his coffee, he couldn't help but remember what Mikey had said about Gerard, about how he was always nice to everyone yet only had a small circle of people he genuinely liked. And that was when the voice of doubt began to whisper in his mind; what if Gerard didn't really like him and was only being nice and calling Frank a friend?

Well, to be honest, Frank did give that lonely person vibe sometimes, especially when he'd skip out lunch to hang around in the library at a quiet corner all by himself with his nose buried in his sketchbook or a novel he'd come across lying around in the place. He wasn't aware of himself pouting around his coffee the whole time Jamia and Gerard.

It took around five minutes until the discussion was over and Frank had managed to finish off his coffee in that time frame, owing to the fact that he drank it to distract himself from feeling left out. With a flash of a smile at Frank, Gerard slid out of the booth and went back to the counter to work. Frank stared after him, almost longingly, before he tore his gaze away from the older boy.

"English Lit homework is murder." Jamia said once Gerard left, facing Frank.

"Yea, I noticed." In a detached sense, Frank was surprised at the nettled way he answered his girlfriend, which was rather out-of-character for him.

The smile on Jamia's face faltered for a moment as a flash of confusion masked her features. "You finished your coffee?" She asked, noting the cup where only coffee dregs remained at the bottom in Frank's hand with a hint of surprise; she couldn't be blamed as she knew very well that Frank, while enjoying hot drinks, was afraid of burning his own tongue by accident hence had always made it a habit to finish his drinks slowly. "That's a first." She commented.

Frank exhaled. "Mhm. Sorry, but could you scoot out? I wanna ask if they're okay with refills." He told her. Truthfully, it wasn't the coffee he wanted to drink rather he was driven by the urge to talk to Gerard - a part of him was a tiny bit miffed that he hadn't had a proper conversation with the older boy for the whole day. As he walked up to the counter Gerard, who was checking the pastries on display, took one look at the cup in Frank's hand and grinned.

"Here for refills?" Gerard inquired, amused.

Frank stopped for a moment, hesitating. "Um, yea. Is it free or do I have to pay?" He said.

The left corner of Gerard's mouth twitched into a smile. "Frankie, you can have all the refills in the world if you want as long as it's my shift." Gerard said jokingly.

There was a warm rush of appreciation filling the space in Frank's chest, causing the younger boy's face to turn pink for a moment. Frank almost dropped his cup. "Y-Yea.  _Okay_  ..." He mumbled awkwardly, setting the cup on the counter..

"Luckily, I just brewed the coffee you had earlier so you don't have to wait too long. Hold on." Gerard took his cup and went to refill it. He returned afterwards and handed Frank the cup. "So, how's your wrist feeling?"

Frank took a sip of his coffee. "Didn't you ask me that earlier today?" His voice quavered at the end.

Gerard frowned. "I did, but I sent it by text messages and you didn't read them."

"Oh. Right." Frank bit his lip, feeling a bit stupid. "It's doing fine, at the moment."

Guilt blinked in Gerard's hazel eyes for the briefest moment  before his lashes veiled his gaze. "I'm really sorry about it, by the way.".

"Gee, it's  _alright_."

"I know but it doesn't make me feel less bad about it." Gerard pouted, looking up at Frank through his lashes. "But is the coffee good?"

Frank stared at Gerard in disbelief, wondering how on earth the topic of his fractured wrist could somehow be related to the coffee he was drinking now. Frank set the cup down, blinking. "What does the coffee have anything to do with my wrist?" He laughed incredulously.

A sheepish expression masked over Gerard's features and Frank could've sworn that his cheeks flushed pink. "At least if I know you enjoy it, it makes me feel less guilty about being partially responsible about your wrist."

"You're such a dork."

"Eh." Gerard shrugged but the movement seemed too casual to be natural. A thoughtful look crossed his eyes as he took a moment to regard Frank. "Listen, I was thinking of watching a movie this Saturday afternoon. Do you wanna join me?"

And in that moment it was like someone had flipped the switch on in Frank's head. His heart skipped a beat. "What? Wait, seriously?"

"Well, yes, obviously. Otherwise why would I have told you that?" Gerard scoffed. "You could have something to do that day but I thought it'd be cool if we could hang out."

Frank couldn't believe his ears, nor his brain processing because it sounded almost like Gerard was asking him out.

 _That's ridiculous. Stop it_. He tried telling himself that firmly but it was about as useful as telling his heart to stop beating so fast from excitement that was coursing throughout his body. He cleared his throat, biting his lower lip. "That would be nice." He answered, voice shaking in the slightest at the end. "But we'll see because I might have something to do that day."

"Oh okay." Gerard grinned. "You can bring some of your friends too if you'd like." And that was what made Frank's smile falter. "The more the merrier." Gerard added.

It was selfish of him but Frank pretended to not have heard that last bit.


	18. sixteen

Frank was kinda relieved that he didn't have to attend Gym class but he did wish he could join so he wasn't so alone during his free period. Taking a trip to the library, Frank was clutching his homework awkwardly with one arm as he chose his usual spot at the back where noise and distractions were at their minimum levels.

Setting his books and papers on the table, he took a seat and glared at his homework. It wasn't fair that he was assigned so much work to do in such a short time period. With a sigh, he pulled out his worksheet and consulted his textbooks. Ten minutes in and Frank was getting a splitting headache from trying to cram in dates and facts from the History textbook and was contemplating whether chucking it was a good idea when a figure entered his peripheral line of vision.

Frank looked up, finding the frizzy-haired boy that Gerard had introduced him to. He offered and weary but friendly smile at Ray, who sat across him. "Hi, there." He greeted.

Ray nodded at him, returning the smile as he placed a book on the table. He peered curiously at Frank's work and pointed, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

Frank nodded. "Homework. Tons of it." He sighed, pouting.

Ray shook his head and pointed once more; this time Frank realized his finger was pointing at Gerard's sketchbook buried under a pile of Math notes - the one with the Killjoys drawings. Frank pulled the book out. "Did you want to see it?" He asked.

Ray nodded, grinning. There was an excited gleam in his eyes as Frank handed him the sketchbook. The frizzy-haired boy flipped through the pages, a look of admiration in his gaze, when he came across the concept art for Jet Star, the character that best resembled him. Even though Ray didn't express his excitement verbally, Frank himself could tell Ray was very enthusiastic about Gerard's reimagining of him in the Killjoy universe.

"Do you like it?" Frank asked.

Ray nodded and reached into his pocket, producing his phone. He began to type on it before showing Frank what was on the screen. " _Has Gerard drawn you your character?_ "

"Oh, no." Frank shook his head and felt a small sting of disappointment when he thought about it and then remembered Gerard telling him that the sketches was drawn before he met Frank. "I don't think he did." He murmured. "But it's nice, though. The art, I mean."

"I think it needs a bit more work." Both Frank and Ray looked up to find Gerard staring at the page with an expression that was somewhere in between the range of thoughtfulness and evaluation.

"Nah, I think it's good." That comment was probably biased, coming from Frank but Gerard didn't seem to agree.

The older boy furrowed his brows for a moment and pointed out a few mistakes that Frank thought was pretty minor. "For example, I think Kobra's shoulders should be a bit broader. Jet's hair needs a bit more poof to his hair and Party's boots are not flashy enough."

"Excuse me." Frank regarded Gerard with disbelief as the older boy slid into the seat beside him.

"You are excused." Gerard responded, causing Ray to snicker.

"At least they look better than mine." Frank said, pretending to not have heard Gerard.

Gerard quirked his eyebrow, a small crooked smile resting on his lips. There was a playful gleam in his hazel eyes as he regarded Frank up and down. The attention Frank was now receiving was purely unintended but he couldn't not say that it was nice in a way. "Yours isn't half bad." Gerard said after some time.

"You haven't even seen mine." Frank scoffed, rolling his eyes but was feeling warm bubbles of appreciation in his chest. He turned to continue his work, pretending not to notice Gerard staring at him for a few moments like he was thinking of what to say, a look of silent protest to Frank's belief.

Ray watched the two of them with a mildly surprised expression although it would be a lie if it was never mentioned that he saw something happening between both Gerard and Frank that they weren't consciously aware of.

*

"Do you wanna come over to my place?"

Frank wasn't sure if he had heard Gerard right as he was wearing his earbuds and was listening very hard to a post-hardcore song for the bass parts - he didn't know why, but he liked the sound of them in this particular track. He pulled his earbuds out and gave Gerard an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, what?"

Gerard pressed a few random keys on the piano, lashes veiling his eyes briefly as he repeated his question.

"Oh, um ..." Frank trailed off, biting his lower lip. Anthony had expressed himself clearly that he didn't want Frank to get himself involved in trouble and get hurt but Frank knew his father was implicitly including Gerard in that. He was less enthusiastic on disappointing his father but some stubborn and persuasive part of his mind was tempting him to go. He couldn't give Gerard a straight answer and neither could he imply anything.

Frank shrugged.

The two of them were in the music room that day for lunch. It had been a mere coincidence that they met here but Frank wondered if there had been some supernatural force whispering into his mind to come over here earlier, even though his visit would serve no relevant purpose - besides, happening to come across the chance of seeing Gerard.

Frank watched as Gerard played the piano idly to the tune of Happy Birthday when he sighed, a pensive expression. Sunlight was streaming into the room through the window panes, turning the tips of Gerard's brown hair copper and sharpening his delicate features. And this was when Frank was seized by the urge to draw Gerard. In his sketch, he'd blur out the surroundings and place focus on Gerard, making the angles and curves of him stand out.

It was a shame that he didn't have his sketchbook and pencils with him and neither could he take a picture of Gerard without looking like a total creep. With a twinge of regret, he tried to commit this scene to memory when Gerard moved.

Apparently, the older boy had heard a noise coming from outside, perking up when Frank heard the doorknob let out a protesting rattle. A dark-haired girl who seemed about their age peered round the door as though she was looking for someone.

Frank was turning to Gerard to ask him whether he knew this person when he saw Gerard's eyes grow wide and his pale cheeks redden. Frank frowned, confused, as Gerard broke into a goofy grin and spoke in a voice that was slightly higher than usual. "Oh! You're here!"

The girl entered now, grinning back at Gerard. There was something familiar about her face that Frank was struggling to remember - he knew he had seen her from somewhere before.

"Yep!" The girl nodded and then had noticed Frank staring at her. She waved at him. "Hi there, I'm Lindsey." She extended her hand. A jolt of recognition traveled up Frank's spine.

"Frank." The dark-haired boy responded, shaking her hand. In person, Lindsey was better-looking than the sketches Gerard had drawn. She had a sort of sweet-hearted but rebellious look going for her or maybe that was because she had worn her hair in pigtails and had this mischievous gleam in her eyes. She was also tall - then again, Frank considered anyone whom he had to tilt his head slightly when talking  _tall_  - and was about Gerard's height.

Frank watched as Lindsey approached Gerard, who was looking at her eagerly like an excited puppy. "I'm so glad you could come over!" Even the tone of his voice sounded distinct the cadences Frank was used to hearing him speak in. "Okay, so for next month's performance thingy, should I ..." Gerard continued to ramble on, using a lot of gestures, while Lindsey took a seat beside him on the bench and answered his questions.

The whole time Frank watched the two of them converse, his insides twisting like he had a very bad indigestion. There was also a tight knot in his chest and an ache from being left out; it was an awful sensation to experience. Frank knew he should take this as a cue to leave, seeing as he was no longer wanted in this room. But for some reason, he didn't. He couldn't.

It was as if someone had glued his butt to the seat and locked his joints with lead rivets so he was pretty much stuck there listening to Gerard babble about pedals - was he talking about bicycles? Wait, no, he was referring to the piano - and Lindsey giggling.

And suddenly the knot in his chest constricted. He was left with the bitter taste at the back of his burning throat. He wanted to take his eyes off them yet he couldn't. Some part of him saw the ways in which both Gerard and Lindsey matched - their heights, their cheekbones, their features, the way they laughed ... Frank could go on all day if his mood hadn't done a complete one-eighty out of nowhere.

Lacking the patience to remain any longer, Frank rose from his seat and exited from the room as quietly as he could. Perhaps Gerard had picked up the sounds of Lindsey's footsteps approaching earlier but he didn't hear Frank's footsteps leaving.

*

"Ow, Frank. Easy with the arms, there." Jamia winced against her boyfriend, who loosened his hold around her with an apologetic look. She shifted on him to return into her initial position, curled up against his body with the comfort of not having Frank hug her too hard.

"Sorry." Frank mumbled and tried to relax, letting his mind rest on details like the faint smell of his girlfriend's perfume - lavender - or the warmth of her cheek on his chest past the fabric of his shirt or even the way their legs were intertwined.

It was a lazy Friday afternoon where the tendency to procrastinate was almost at its peak. Of course being the hardworking student she was, Jamia was determined to finish her homework but Frank had somehow managed to persuade her into cuddling with him.

They were on his bed, lying on their backs as they stared up the ceiling where an overhead fan rotated. The 1785 was playing on the audio system, creating a relaxed atmosphere in the room.

Frank was running his fingers through Jamia's hair absentmindedly with a blankly thoughtful expression when his girlfriend spoke. "You okay there?" She sat up and regarded him, looking from his wrist (now in a cast) to his impassive expression. She had the right to be concerned; Frank hadn't spoken the whole time unless he felt it was absolutely necessary.

Frank really wanted to tell her what was going on in his head that was affecting his mood but how on earth could he explain to Jamia that he was upset about Gerard leaving him out when Lindsey joined them in the music room without sounding like a five year-old who was upset that their friend had someone else to play with? It was very uncharacteristic of Frank to act this way and he was afraid Jamia might mistake it for as a symptom caused by his healing wrist.

Besides, Frank should be glad for Gerard too; well, the older boy did show the symptoms of having a crush on Lindsey and they were definitely making a bit of progress, even if Gerard was maundering on about minor keys and the adjustments he had to make to the parts he had to play.

Frank simply sighed, much to Jamia's bemusement and sat up. "I'm just not feeling it today." He said, looking at his hands.

"Feeling it today?" She echoed in confusion before her eyebrows furrowed. Placing a hand on Frank's forehead, she felt for his temperature. "Well, you don't seem to have a fever." She murmured.

Frank moved away from her hand, biting his lip. "I just want a hug." He said, almost in a childlike manner; he was even giving her the puppy-dog eyes.

Jamia's features softened. "If you wanted me to hug you sooner, why didn't you say so?" When Frank didn't respond, she placed her arms around him and pulled him close. After a moment, Frank returned the embrace, resting his cheek on her shoulder and let his eyes close.

"There, there." Jamia said softly, patting his back soothingly. "I hope this'll make you feel better." 

In her arms, Frank felt secure, rooted to reality; it was a good feeling. Slowly, he drew back and pressed a lingering kiss to her cheek before making his way down her jawline to her mouth. There was no hesitation in his movements and neither did she stiffen in surprise from his sudden display of affection. His hands moved to cup her face as he slanted his face, carefully molding his lips in hers.

Jamia's hands slid up his shoulders to his nape, her fingers wound in his hair. Frank's mood began to lift as they kissed, creating warmth to run in his veins.

And Frank had been so certain that this was right, being with Jamia, until the image of a hazel-eyed boy with crooked grin flashed behind his eyelids. Frank felt his stomach lurch with horror and guilt - how could  _Gerard_  make an appearance in his head when he was kissing Jamia?? - and drew back abruptly.

Jamia's eyes flew open in confusion as a expression of what appeared like hurt crossed her features when she saw Frank turning his face away like he couldn't bear look at her. "Is something wrong?" He could hear the catch in her voice at the end.

Frank was short of breath. "I --" He began but words wouldn't form on his tongue. With a mask of guilt on his face, he got out of bed and exited the room.


	19. seventeen

Even if Jamia had seemed to shrug off Frank's odd behavior yesterday, Frank still felt very guilty about his own actions. He really wanted to make it up to her right away but the Student Council had other plans and had organized a meeting during lunch, not to mention they had placed Jamia on hallway patrol with her best friend, Kristin. Not only that, Jamia also had after-school club activities.

She was also rarely on her phone so the option of texting her an apology wasn't desirable on the list - not that Frank wanted to say sorry that way; it would never sound sincere. Since they didn't have study hall at the same time, Frank was left with asking her over text if he could just have a minute of her time later on at lunch. She'd probably reply to him later.

Ironic was an understatement to how Frank perceived his current situation as the person he wished had the same free period as he was today was Jamia but instead he was going to see Gerard any moment now. Some part of him was surreptitiously looking forward to catching Gerard in his vicinity but it was mostly overshadowed with leftover guilt from yesterday.

Deciding it was better to keep his mind focused on other things like revising for the upcoming tests in about a month and a half, starting with Chemistry. As much as he tried to keep his mind focused on chemical bonding and such, a part of his mind was beginning to stray off topic and was inflating the muted awareness that Gerard was notably absent. Biting his lower lip, Frank flipped the pages of his textbook and did his best to memorize definitions of certain terms, even resorting to muttering them under his breath.

It was safe to say that Frank was growing less and less focused on schoolwork.

Realizing that this train of thought about Gerard had no intention of not dragging Frank's mind along, he decided to take out his sketchbook. He flipped through it absentmindedly and settled on a blank page. Picking up a pencil, he drew an oval. As images of Gerard were starting to pop up in his head like mushrooms after the rain, he figured it was best if he could at least try working on his artistic skills.

Not that he was getting anywhere as the rough sketch of Gerard still looked like a fat eggplant - not much an improvement from his previous attempts - but at least the activity itself made Frank feel less guilty of thinking about Gerard. With a weary sigh, he tried to twirl his pencil the way he saw Gerard do but the pencil ended up flying upwards and hitting his nose. Exasperated, he dropped his endeavors and glared at his hands.

The cast over his left wrist was decorated with scribbles and signatures by his friends in colorful markers. His right wrist was bare of any ink save for the messy handwritten note he had done earlier to remind himself to do the chores later on at home. His fingers looked short and had spatulate tips with squared-off nails.

A sudden wave of inspiration hit Frank and he was scrambling to pick up his pencil. He began to draw, lines swirling out on paper, until a rough sketches of his hands appeared on the once blank surface. Then, he began to draw tiny designs on them, tattoos, allowing his mind to align with his ideas. There was a strange prickling sensation over his shoulder but he didn't pause to think about it. Not long after, Frank was adding the finishing touches when he heard someone say, "Those look really good."

The thing was that if that voice had been a good six inches away from Frank, he would have accepted the compliment but whoever it was that spoke was so close to him. Frank gave a start in his seat, whipping his head to catch the sight of Gerard peering at his sketch with a look of keen interest. The younger boy's heart was slamming itself against his chest from the shock of see Gerard this close to him - he could make out the individual lashes on the other boy's eyes and the tiny stubble hairs on Gerard's jawline.

"Gee!" Frank exhaled, his tone sounding strained from the effort of keeping it just above a whisper. "You startled me."

Gerard only arched his eyebrows like he had no idea what Frank was saying and took a seat beside the dark-haired boy. "Why would  _I_  startle you?"

"Because!" Frank's face turned alarmingly red for a moment as the fact that Gerard had been so close to him that Frank could've leaned forward by two inches to bump his nose into Gerard's. He struggled to form an explanation while the other boy stared on at him with a bemused expression. "You were crossing my personal space!"

"You didn't seem to  _mind_  at all." Gerard protested but his ears turned slightly pink. "I mean, I was just looking and you didn't, like, tell me to move away --"

"That was because I was so focused." Frank protested but felt immediately guilty for zoning out on his surroundings. He really should've checked when he felt that prickling sensation earlier then maybe he wouldn't have been so surprised to find Gerard watching him draw. Still, it was a bit creepy that the older boy managed to sneak up on him so quietly.

"Oh forget it." Gerard waved his hand dismissively before placing his folders on the table. "Anyway, you should teach me some of your techniques - like, I wish I could draw hands the way you do. They look aesthetically pleasing."

Either Gerard was being extra nice to Frank, seeing how the younger boy did terribly in Art, or that he sincerely meant it. Then again, Gerard didn't seem to be someone who'd lie. Frank took one more look at his sketches, this time trying to see it from an outsider's view, and realized he wasn't too bad at drawing.

"Okay, then. Sure." Frank said and Gerard's eyes lit up. "But you gotta teach me how to draw a person." He added. He wasn't sure what came over him in that moment but after saying that he was aware of why he had blurted that out: Frank wanted to draw Gerard better. He turned his face away quickly, hoping Gerard wouldn't see his intentions in his eyes but the older boy simply laughed.

"Oh I see what you're  _doing_." Gerard smirked at Frank, elbowing him playfully.

" _You do?_ " The younger boy felt a sudden spike in his heart rate, the worry that Gerard might've read his mind constricting his chest.

Gerard nodded. " _Definitely_." He said with surety. "We're helping each other out to get better at sketching, which is great. It's cool."

Frank had to breathe out a sigh of relief but managed to maintain his composure. "Cool beans." He couldn't help but smile. That was when Gerard giggled, a sound that made Frank's heart leap in response. His brain circuits must've melted at some point because Frank found himself grinning stupidly at how endearing Gerard's laugh sounded.

"So how do you feel about starting today?" Gerard asked, fiddling with the edge of his paper. "We could go to your place." He suggested.

"Oh? Uh, no." Frank said, his smile faltering at once. "Sorry, you can't."

Gerard's face fell. "Why not?" He questioned, sounding concerned.

"I mean, it's not that you  _can't_  come over." Frank tried to backpedal, feeling sweat form on his nape. "It's just ... my dad doesn't really think much of you ever since I broke my wrist --"

"Oh."

"And I don't want you to get on his bad side too." Frank added, feeling his chest squeeze painfully at the sight of Gerard's self-disappointed and guilty expression. Frank bit his lower lip, continuing. "But if it's alright, we could meet up at yours."

Gerard took a moment to contemplate this. "Oh, okay then." He said with a sigh, giving in to Frank's suggestion. "After school, yea?"

Frank nodded.

*

Gerard's address was staring up at Frank from the screen of his phone. He had been surprised at how coincidental that Gerard had texted him this when Frank was about to ask him for it. He was making his way out of his apartment now, locking up the front door when he bumped into Ray in the elevator.

"Oh." Frank grinned at the bushy-haired boy. "Hi there." He waved.

Ray returned the gesture. Even though he didn't express it verbally, he did look glad to see Frank.

As he had never seen Ray in this apartment building his whole life, curiosity prompted him to ask. "Are you visiting a friend or something?" Frank pressed the button for the ground floor.

Ray shook his head and took out his phone to type - his thumbs practically flew across the onscreen keyboard - before showing Frank what he wanted to say. " _Visiting my aunt, actually_."

"Rad." Frank nodded. "Was it fun?"

Ray hesitated then made a so-so gesture with a slightly abashed expression. Then he raised his eyebrow questioningly at Frank, a small smile on his friendly features.

For some reason, Frank got the hint of what Ray was asking without him even having to type it out or anything. He felt his cheeks heat up as he said, "Going to Gerard's. He's gonna teach me some stuff."

The upwards curve on Ray's mouth widened, causing Frank's face to flush redder. The dark-haired boy had no idea why the taller boy was smiling at him like that but felt as though someone had found out about a secret of his - the problem was that he didn't know  _what_  that secret was.

When the elevator dinged upon arrival at the ground floor, Frank and Ray got out of it. But at the last moment, Frank turned to Ray. "Do you want me to give you a lift home?" He felt like he had to ask.

The bushy-haired boy shook his head.

After that, Frank went by the parking lot to meet with Brendon, still thinking about Ray's reaction when he told him about visiting Gerard's house.

*

"You sure you don't want me to drop you off at the doorstep?" Brendon frowned at Frank questioningly from the driver's mirror. "I mean it'd be a pretty shorter distance as well."

"No, I'm good." Frank couldn't help but suddenly feel anxious about everything. As Brendon stopped a street away from where Gerard lived, Frank took hint of the houses in the proximity, all perfect-looking suburban homes with welcoming exteriors and neatly cropped lawns. Drawing a breath, he checked his phone screen and caught the reflection of a wide-eyed boy staring back from the unlit display.

He looked pale and awfully tense.

 _It's_  just  _Gerard_. Frank told himself inwardly but the thought of the boy seemed to make him lose his breath for a moment. The realization hit him all of a sudden and Frank was now faced with the possibility of meeting the rest of the Ways. While this wouldn't have been a frightening prospect, the thought of it scared him.

What would Gerard's parents think of Frank? Would they see him as a troublemaker - his ripped jeans and the obscure symbol on his shirt wouldn't do him justice - or think that he was up to something funny? What if they didn't like him and tried to warn him off Gerard? Doubt and insecurity were helping to inflate the anxiety in his chest and it was not helping that Frank was already nervous enough about meeting Gerard.

"Good luck!" Ryan chirped from the shotgun, smiling over his shoulder at Frank.

"Thank you, Ryan. And thanks for the ride too, Brendon." Frank said, taking his backpack, before he got out of the car.

He began to walk down the street, the bubble of anxiety that was threatening to pop was trapped in his chest. Suddenly, a sudden piercing sound broke into his thoughts; forcing down a huge gulp of air, Frank reached for his phone and checked the screen. His heart nearly tripped over itself when he saw Gerard's name on the notifications.

 _You here yet?_  Gerard's text read.

Frank paused.  _On my way right now_. After hitting the Send button, he picked up his pace. Even though the day wasn' very hot, he was aware that he was sweating and his hands were slightly shaking at the sides.

Frank made it up to the driveway and approached the front door; his finger hesitated over pressing the doorbell. Before he could consider walking away, the door opened. Frank gave a start.

Instead of seeing Gerard - like Frank had been expecting - the dark-haired boy was greeted by Mikey. The tall lanky boy raised an eyebrow when Frank gave him a confused stare. "Gerard told me you were coming over." Mikey explained, moving aside to let Frank in. "And I was just about go out to look for Mochi but since you're here, I might as well show you the way to Gerard's room." He added.

"Rad." Frank said, entering. Like its exterior, the interior of the Ways' house looked rather homey and welcoming. There were family portraits hung on the wall of the entryway and Frank was about to look at them out of curiosity when Mikey's voice broke into his thoughts.

"He's in the attic." Mikey said.

"Who?" Frank said absentmindedly when it occurred to him what Mikey actually meant. "Oh. Okay. Cool." He nodded awkwardly with a frown. He didn't think Gerard was the sort who'd live in that sort of space, instead though Gerard to be more of a basement guy. Nevertheless, Frank thought it was nice to be surprised by the things he learned about Gerard every now and then.

Mikey led him upstairs and down a hallway before reaching the end where a door was located. It had various signs and stickers tacked on it and if Frank looked at it the right way, it seemed to breathe Gerard all over it. Suddenly, Frank felt nervous all over again.

This was Gerard's room he was going to enter, Gerard's personal space. He had no idea what he'd be seeing in the boy's bedroom, much less the state it'd be in. Would he be seeing a room similar to his -messy - or tastefully designed area where Gerard spent most of his time at home?

Mikey gave the dark-haired boy a sideways glance and noticed how nervous Frank looked. A small smile played on his lips. "Hey." He said to Frank, patting the boy's shoulder. "Don't worry about making a fool of yourself. Gerard doesn't care much about it if you do."

Astonished and nonplussed, Frank regarded Mikey with a dubious expression. " _Really?_ "

"Well, if you don't believe me you could always try it out for yourself." Mikey replied steadily. "He's my brother. I know what he's usually like." He added with a smirk.

"Fair point." Frank shrugged before taking one more look at the door. Inhaling, he gathered what was left of his courage and opened the door.


	20. eighteen

There was a set of deck stairs Frank had to climb before he could say he was officially in Gerard's room. When he had entered, he was half expecting to see a dark and musty space with wooden beams and pipes sticking out haphazardly into the dust-filled air.

The first thing Frank had noticed about the place was how well-lit it was and decided right away the rest of the area wouldn't be as horrible as his imagination. When he reached the top of the stairs, he was greeted by the sight of a shelf built into the wall that was crammed with various comic books. Curiously, he took a peek at the collection and saw familiar titles such as Batman and Deadpool but also a few that he recognized as works by the former  _Your Catalytic Relationship_  frontman, Gabriel Wayne, like Doom Patrol and The True Lives of The Fabulous Killjoys.

Already getting the feel of what he could now expect, Frank turned around and was greeted by the rest of Gerard's room.

Despite the slanted ceilings, the natural light spilling in from the skylights and windows gave the area an airy feel. To Frank's left was an eye-catching assortment of paper that Frank guessed was Gerard's works tacked onto the otherwise plain wall. Just further along was a panel where there was a flatscreen tv mounted.

To Frank's right, Gerard's bed was lined along the poster-covered wall; its sheets appeared neatly made and Frank had to give credit that they looked absolutely spotless and creaseless. There was a dresser as well, although it looked completely bare of anything save for the mirror and some loose change on its top. A wardrobe sat in the far corner back with its door left ajar, a sleeve of an army jacket peeking out from inside.

Across the room sat Gerard's desk. It was perhaps the most disorganized place in the room but even the scattered stationeries was nothing compared to the mess Frank had on his desk back home. The dark-haired boy approached it slowly, curiosity urging him forward, and looked at some of the papers - most of which were messy scribbles of reminders - but Frank managed to find a rough sketch or two of --

"Hey Frankie!" Someone said loudly from behind, causing the dark-haired boy to let out a startled cry and whirl around.

Gerard was regarding Frank with a huge grin on his face. It was a bit jarring to see the older boy dressed in an oversized skeleton onesie in the afternoon.

Frank's face grew hot with guilt as he resisted the urge to shove the papers back to their original places on Gerard's desk - after all, it would accentuate the fact that he was nosing around. Instead, he tried to hold Gerard's gaze with his own smile and inched back to set the stuff he had picked up earlier back on the desk without the hazel-eyed boy from noticing.

"Hi, Gee." Frank said, inwardly cringing at how he had dragged out the syllables in a tone that was higher than his usual cadences. "Sup?"

As if Frank couldn't be lamer than that.

Unfortunately, Gerard had caught on with what he was doing. However to Frank's confusion, he didn't seem annoyed that the younger boy had been nosing through his stuff - in fact, he looked pleased, for some strange reason. "What do you think?" He asked.

Frank frowned. "What?" It took a moment for it to occur to him that Gerard was referring to the rough sketches he had been looking at earlier. "Oh, these?" He picked up the papers and Gerard quirked his eyebrows. . "Um, well ..." His cheeks began to color a subtle shade of red. "I haven't had the chance to look at them properly." Frank admitted.

"Oh, that's alright. Anyway, there was something I wanted to show you."  Gerard approached the desk. "It's somewhere here."

Frank moved out of the way hastily, nearly banging his back into the edge of the desk in the process. Wincing, he stood a little off to the side and watched as Gerard shuffled through the drawers before his attention was arrested by a slinking movement from the corner of his eye by the bed. With a distracted frown, he turned to see what it was when he felt something brush against his leg.

Startled, Frank leapt back and swore, bumping into Gerard who had turned to address the younger boy before he looked down.

He couldn't even begin to describe what was staring up at him.

Fixing its haughtily weary and yellow-eyed gaze on Frank was a cat. It wasn't the sort of cat you'd be able to find littering the meme section of the internet or the type of feline you'd see on aesthetically pleasing images. It was a rather ugly calico with balding patches on its body and a long scar running from its right ear down to its chin. This must've been the Mochi that Mikey had been talking about earlier although the cat didn't seem to live up to its cute-sounding name.

"Is this your cat?" Frank asked, nonplussed.

"Mochi! There you are!" Gerard exclaimed delightedly, handing whatever he had been holding in his hands recently - it was a clear folder with papers stuffed into it - and swept up the feline in his arms. "Naughty kitty, where have you been? Me and Mikey have been so worried for you --"

"That's  _your_  cat?" Frank stared.

Gerard nodded, holding his cat out for Frank. "Yep. Wanna pet Mochi? Don't worry, he's really nice."

Apparently, Mochi's behavior suggested otherwise because the moment Frank reached out to touch the calico, it bared its teeth and hissed warningly.

"I don't think your cat likes me." Frank said after jerking his hand away when Mochi tried to claw him for no apparent reason. "I think Mochi hates me."

Gerard pouted, looking disappointed, and held his cat at eye-level. "Frankie here is a friend. Behave yourself and be nice to him." Mochi regarded his owner with an innocent air but when Gerard held him out to Frank, it began to hiss. "Okay, maybe Mochi's just grumpy today." The older boy decided with a rueful expression.

"Or maybe cats just don't like me."

"Don't be ridiculous, Frankie."

"No,  _really_. Even the kittens that my friend Hayley adopted hid under the couch when they saw me." Frank shrugged.

Gerard simply gave him a sympathetic look and he left the attic to put his cat outside his room before he returned shortly. He stopped short, wearing a small frown when he regarded Frank. The younger boy thought he might've done something wrong - he had only been standing at the same spot while waiting - when Gerard pointed. "Go on. It's okay, you can totally have a look."

Bemused, it took Frank a moment to realize Gerard was urging him to take a look at the clear folder's content. With a sigh, he did as he was told. Whenever someone stared at him while he did as they requested, Frank would usually prepare himself to act the way he assumed they'd want him to. This time, though, there was hardly any need for pretense.

The look on Frank's face expressed an admixture of surprise and embarrassment when he saw what Gerard wanted him to see. Frank's pulse jumped when he stared at a sketch of himself grinning, side-profile view. Then his cheeks grew hotter the longer he stared at the paper and Gerard at him, until he finally found the words to say something. "Gerard, I --"

"Do you like it?" Gerard asked, his tone sounding both hopeful and nervous. "I mean, I think I might've gotten your nose shape wrong and your lips are a bit --"

"I can't believe  _you_  actually drew  _me_ ; this is  _amazing_." Frank said softly, cutting off Gerard's babbles. He staring at the hazel-eyed boy with a mix of appreciation and confusion, with a little bit of envy - he really wished he could actually draw faces the way Gerard did and not make them look like fat eggplants. "Why did you --"

"Your face." Gerard replied and Frank could've sworn there was a subtle hint of red on his pale cheeks. "You have a really nice bone structure and it's proportionate enough for me not to fuck up when I sketch - not to mention that I like the way your jawline looks and --" Gerard broke off, pressing his lips into a thin white line with a slightly panicked expression.

Frank's lashes veiled his eyes as he looked away, his face burning. He couldn't believe what Gerard had said about him and neither could he properly process it in his head. Was Gerard complimenting him or was he simply making an observation? It seemed rather ambiguous.

"Well, anyway, I hope you like it." Gerard said quickly, taking a step away from Frank with nervous smile. Without waiting for the dark-haired boy's response, he swiveled on his heel and began to clear up the mess on his desk; Frank could tell he simply shifting things around instead of cleaning up.

Feeling rather awkward and out of place, Frank slung off his backpack and proceeded to put the drawing in his folder. His mind was racing but there wasn't a single thought he could hold onto. Why did Gerard say those things to him and why had he looked so panicked when he realized what he had said? And what was the deal with drawing Frank's face?

Somehow the last thought made him think about his sketches of Gerard; Frank cringed at remembering how awful they were.

*

At some point, Gerard and Frank had forgotten that the purpose of them meeting up at the older boy's house was to teach each other a few sketching tips and had started on working on their History homework. Despite them not being in the same class for that subject, they had the same teacher so they had identical worksheets.

Frank didn't mind that they had diverted from the original purpose.

Gerard had initially insisted that he and Frank do their homework downstairs in the kitchen as they couldn't share the desk due to the fact that he had no extra chair but Frank managed to convince the older boy to let them stay in the attic instead.

Both boys were seated at the low coffee table in front of Gerard's tv doing homework now. As Frank had taken the opposite end and Gerard the other, he had the opportunity to observe Gerard surreptitiously while thinking. This didn't really work because he'd space out every so often, distracted by Gerard's habit of sticking out his tongue slightly out of the left corner of his mouth whenever he got really focused or was thinking hard.

"Frankie?"

The dark-haired boy was jarred back to the present before he realized Gerard was regarding him, their gazes in direct line of each other. Frank thought he must've been caught staring for no apparent reason and probably made Gerard uncomfortable. Blood rushed into his face as he gave this awkward sort of half-nod and a wave. "Yea?"

Gerard was giving him that strange look, one that had both eyebrows raised and his lips pressed together. "Do you wanna compare answers?"

Frank's heart did this slow flip in his chest. His eyes widened fractionally before he glanced down at his worksheet; he hadn't done much, only managing to answer the first two questions before he doodled a dinosaur at the corner of the page in ink. Very productive of him for the past thirty minutes. Clearing his throat, Frank gave a nervous kind of laugh. "Why?"

Gerard frowned a bit, confused. "I just ... I wanted to crosscheck." This struck as an odd excuse because they could get their answers by referring to the textbook. Not that Frank had said it aloud but Gerard had seen his expression and decided to drop the topic. Setting his pen down, the older boy shifted before stretching out his legs.

"How's your wrist coming along?" Gerard asked, reaching out to poke Frank's knee with his toe.

Frank found the gesture childishly adorable and couldn't help but grin. "It's fine. It's in a cast. I think it'll stink once Doc Hoppus removes it."

Gerard made a face. "That's not really nice."

"Well, you could say that to the men who chased us."

Gerard's lips thinned. "They're bigots." His voice had gone quiet but anyone could hear how serious he was. Frank's eyebrows quirked upwards as the older boy continued. "I mean, I noticed them watching us for a bit while we hung out --"

" _You what?_ " Frank demanded incredulously. "You noticed but you never said anything??" Suddenly he wasn't sure what to feel anymore; he was mad at Gerard but at the same time he was ready to listen to whatever the older boy had to say.

Gerard's cheeks flushed an indignant shade of red but there was a flash of guilt in his hazel eyes. "Well --" He began but hit a word-block. If possible, he turned even redder. "I  _would_  have. But I was having fun, okay? I really liked hanging out with you and I was excited about the whole thing so those two men watching us didn't bother me as much as it should've." He admitted, sounding aggrieved. "So I guess anyone could say it's my fault for being naive."

Frank stared at him, his lips parted in surprise. "Gerard. I am not blaming you." He  stated.

"Then why did you look at me that way?" Gerard demanded.

"What way?"

" _That_." Gerard pointed when Frank frowned. "It makes me feel nervous and guilty."

"Oh."

"In fact, you scowl a lot like Mom. It scares me." Gerard rolled his eyes. "But, I'm sorry. For, y'know, being responsible for the chain of events --"

"Gerard, it's cool." Frank interrupted the older boy. "Shit happens and we just gotta deal with it.  _Va_ _te_ _faire_ _foutre_." He said, struggling to pronounce it the same way he was taught to.

The older boy's eyes widened, looking both shocked and amazed. "Um." Gerard's voice sounded higher in pitch than usual. "You do know what that means, right?"

"Doesn't it mean YOLO in French?"

"No, Frankie. It means  _go_ _fuck_ _yourself_  in French." Gerard answered and Frank resisted the strong urge to throw himself out of the window out of sheer embarrassment. "But, I get what you mean. And life  _should_  fuck itself." He added, snickering.

Frank groaned, cringing at his poor judgment for believing at the sort of French profanity Pete had taught him not too long ago. "What happens in this room, stays in this room." He told Gerard, who was laughing now, but little did he know of the weight his words would carry.


	21. nineteen

"Yay, we get to team up!" Gerard said happily once he approached Frank from across the classroom, his voice strangely audible over the noises of students shuffling around and speaking loudly to get the attention of their partners.

Frank smiled at Gerard somewhat nervously as he glanced over at the Art teacher who was trying corral everyone into their seats. The dark-haired boy wondered if this was some set-up to make Frank work harder in class; if so, it was probably not such a good idea as he'd be distracted more than he usually was.

Gerard, on the other hand, appeared pleased that the teacher had assigned him to work with Frank for their project. Eagerly, he took a seat beside Frank and brought out his notebook. "So wanna start discussing what we should do for this?" He tucked back a stray strand of his hair away from his face, looking up at Frank through his lashes.

Frank nodded, pulling up his chair to sit closer to Gerard, partially with the intention to hear him better over the intermingling conversations in the air. "Sure." He said, trying to ignore the sudden leap in his pulse when Gerard turned to him and their legs brushed under the table. Clearing his throat, he asked, "Mr DeLonge said something about making a storyboard?"

Gerard nodded. "Yep. So I was thinking we could brainstorm over a simple plot for the whole thing before we start on the concept art and then the materials we need will probably --"

Frank allowed Gerard to ramble on, his attention fading out from the older boy's voice to the way Gerard's lips moved as they spoke. Even if the corners didn't quite go in sync with each other - the right corner raising higher than the left - Frank found it endearing. Not only that, there was the excited gleam in Gerard's eyes that appeared whenever he spoke about something he was pumped about that made Frank feel rather inspired.

Too bad the younger boy couldn't do pull out his sketchbook and make Gerard stay still so he could draw him out. He could ask that but it'd be too weird anyway.

There was a slow pinching feeling in Frank's gut the longer he stared at Gerard; it was sort of like a magnetic pull and the more he resisted, telling himself he was content with where he was sitting, the urge to lean forward to be closer to Gerard grew stronger. Of course, Frank didn't allow himself to act on it, not wanting to scare off Gerard but he had been quiet for so long the older boy was bemused by his lack of response.

"Um, Frankie?" Gerard snapped his fingers in front of Frank's face.

Frank gave a tiny start when a flush spread across his cheeks. "Yea, I think it's a great idea, awesome concept; it's gonna be rad." He replied automatically, despite not knowing what Gerard had said after he zoned out. "We should do that."

"I was asking if you wanted to have lunch with me."

Frank stopped, his lips parted. Heat rushed into his face as embarrassment hit him for the second time; it didn't help matters that Gerard was staring at him funny. Pulling his gaze away from the other boy, Frank pretended to cough and used that time to rethink what he should say next. "I'm actually going to have lunch with my girlfriend." He answered with a tiny twinge of regret.

Gerard nodded. Was that disappointment in his eyes as he ducked his head or had Frank just imagined it? "It's cool." The older boy said, his tone uncharacteristically quieter than usual. Gerard shrugged, giving a smile that looked almost strained and proceeded to scribble something on his notebook.

Frank felt like he had let Gerard down and was almost tempted to say he'd try to meet up with him before he stopped himself; it wouldn't be fair to Jamia - what would she think if Frank had ditched their lunch together for someone he didn't know all that well as he did her? He knew his girlfriend for a huge part of his life and she should come first before others. However the tiny tug in his chest argued otherwise and it took him his willpower to smother it.

Of course, that feeling would only return later to devil him.

*

"That looks delicious." Frank told Jamia, eyeing her lunchbox that contained a serving of baked lasagne. "Was that the recipe you were trying from the internet? The one you sent me two nights ago?" He asked, in between bites of his sandwich.

"You can have some if you want. And yea, it's that recipe." Jamia nodded, urging her boyfriend to try some of her food. "Evan and I woke up really early to make it this morning." She added as Frank had a bite.

"By 'Evan and I' meaning you did most of the work?"

"Kinda. Well, he did help a  _teensy_  bit with the setting up the oven because I was busy prepping the ingredients."

Frank laughed at her; it was typical of his girlfriend to make sure everyone got the credit, even if they had done next to nothing. "It tastes good; why didn't you join the Cooking club instead of the Debate club?"

Jamia shrugged. "I thought my current club would make my college application look good. Well, it's too late to change now." She added ruefully and tucked into her lunch, allowing their conversation to lapse briefly so that they could eat.

Frank and Jamia were at the quad under a shady tree. It was a nice spot and a few other students thought the same thing, having parked themselves nearby. They seemed to be minding about their own businesses but Frank was keeping his eyes on this particular sophomore who kept glancing over at his girlfriend with interest. As though to assert the fact that he and Jamia were dating, Frank made it a point to scoot over as close to her as possible without raising her suspicion.

It was satisfying to see the sophomore to avert his gaze away once he got Frank's message.

With a tiny burst of triumph, Frank finished off the rest of his sandwich and then laid back on the grass, shutting his eyes. Spots of sunlight that had broken past the shade splattered over his features, creating irregular patterns over his pale skin. The sounds of birds chirping overhead, the warmth of the sun and the satisfying feeling after filling his stomach gave a sense of contentment to Frank.

Everything felt good.

His mind began to drift with idleness, forming random images and scenes that weren't of much importance when he felt a body lie down beside him. Knowing it was probably Jamia, he reached out with a small smile and grasped her hand.

Frank knew Jamia's hands were soft and warm, that fitted perfectly in his - only, this hand didn't. In fact, the palm didn't feel soft and the fingertips were callused to the touch. Sensing something was amiss from the lack of reaction when he had held the stranger's hands, Frank's eyes flew open into a confused frown as he sat up abruptly. He turned to see who it was and almost jumped out of his skin.

"I don't know if I should be disappointed that you let go of my hand." The person laying on the grass where Frank had been earlier said in a half-amused tone, regarding Frank with a crooked grin.

" _Gerard?_ " To his embarrassment, Frank's voice had escaped higher in pitch than usual and breathless. Clearing his throat, his frown deepened as he opened his mouth to say something. But no words came and Frank turned away, feeling conflicted by the mix of emotions that arrived with the realization that he had held Gerard's hands.

Frank looked for Jamia but she was at the other end of the quad, speaking to another Student Council member; either she had noticed Gerard approaching earlier or she hadn't and Frank suspected it was the latter. He turned back to face Gerard, who was sitting up now. Up till that point, Frank remembered what he had wanted to say until Gerard met his gaze.

Just like that, the words he was planning to express darted out of reach to the back of his mind - almost like they were teasing him - while Frank stared back while he struggled to get something intelligible past his lips.

Those pretty hazel eyes gleamed, catching bits of sunlight that gave Gerard's irises flashes of green and light brown. It took Frank a moment to pull himself out of the details that had entranced him to realize Gerard was laughing.

Blood rushing into his cheeks, Frank couldn't help but avert his gaze away in embarrassment although he did wear a half-pout of indignation. "What's so funny?" He asked.

"Nothing." Gerard grinned. "Okay, well, I'm just surprised you actually grabbed my hand with your eyes closed. Like, automatically after I laid down beside you."

"I thought you were Jamia."

"It's cool." Gerard shrugged though Frank had no idea what he meant by that. "I won't tell your girlfriend." He added, as if to add to the younger boy's confusion.

"What are you doing here?" Frank hadn't mean to sound rude but he had only become aware of how curt he sounded and winced inwardly. "Were you looking for me?" He asked, softening his tone which now sounded more hopeful than polite.

Gerard's eyebrows arched in the slightest. "Yes and no." He said after a second. "I was taking a walk after meeting up with Lindsey --"

At the mention of Gerard's crush, Frank felt something unpleasant twist in his gut, followed by the tightening of his chest.

"-- and I saw you lying there - honestly thought you were asleep, though." Gerard finished, not at all noticing the mildly sour look on the dark-haired boy's face that he was trying to school into an expression of neutrality. Gerard faced Frank with that endearingly crooked grin. "You looked really cute."

Forgetting to be nettled, Frank's pulse tripped upon hearing Gerard's comment and his face burned once more. Not at all sure whether to be flattered by the comment, embarrassed that Gerard had seen him asleep or to be weirded out that Gerard had the time to  _notice_  that Frank was cute, Frank simply exhaled audibly and shook his head.

"Hello, Gerard." Jamia approached the two boys, wearing an affable smile. "Did you want to join us for lunch just now?"

"Nah, I was passing by and thought I'd say hi to Frankie." Gerard smiled over at Frank, whose ears had turned red, and patted the boy's shoulder. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" He asked with a hint of concern.

"Not at all." Jamia responded pleasantly. "Well, I really have to get going - y'know, the usual Student Council thingy." She smiled apologetically at Frank.

Usually, Frank would be a bit bummed whenever Jamia had some things to attend to but today he didn't. And that made him feel strange about himself. As he waved at Jamia who was turning to leave, he did not feel that tiny twinge of of the feeling of being left out neither did he have the urge to walk her to wherever she was needed. He simply gave her a brief peck on her lips and watched her go.

As soon as Jamia was out of earshot, Gerard drew out a whistle. "I'm jealous." He told Frank.

As he had no idea in what context the older boy meant, Frank had, for some reason, assumed Gerard was jealous of his attention towards Jamia. Bewildered, Frank's face grew hot as he stared at Gerard with his mouth open. "Wait, why would you be jealous of my girlfriend??" He demanded, nonplussed.

Gerard gave him an openly disbelieving look. "Me? Jealous of Jamia?" It was probably the heat but there was an unmistakeable tint of red on his pale cheeks. "Are you kidding me?"

"You're not?"

"No. I meant I'm jealous of you and Jamia's relationship." Gerard clarified. "Geez, Frankie, what gave you  _that_  idea?"

Even if that was the response Frank had been expecting as he had realized belatedly that Gerard was not envious of his girlfriend, the older boy's response that was intoned with incredulity and mild indignation left Frank's chest tingling with an awkward ache. Pressing his lips into a thin line, he turned his face away from Gerard's as though he was afraid that the other boy might notice the odd and foreign feeling Frank was experiencing.

"Nothing." Frank replied, and was almost surprised he sounded peeved. "I just assumed wrong." He bit his lip and stared out at the quad, deciding that if he allowed himself to speak anymore he'd soon spout nonsense that would most likely ruin Gerard's impression of him. He didn't want to send out the wrong message as he wasn't sure how  _he_  felt and neither was he certain that Gerard would reciprocate.

This situation was making Frank frustrated and impulsive.

There was a strange expression on Gerard's face that could be described as a mix of guilt, apprehension and perhaps a bit of hurt, as Frank continued with his silence. He began to raise his hand, as though to touch the dark-haired boy's shoulder but dropped it once his palm was roughly an inch away from Frank's arm.

Frank was starting to feel sorry for snapping at Gerard and was about to say something to the older boy when a voice called out Gerard's name. With arched eyebrows, he turned to see who it was the same time Gerard did and caught the sight of Lindsey waving.

Or more like she was waving Gerard over.

Quickly, Frank glanced sidelong and felt that tight twist in his chest when Gerard sat up, eyes wide with surprise. There was that expression again, one that Frank had identified as the look of adoration and excitement, on Gerard's face.

Noticing Frank was staring at him, Gerard flushed. "Oh, do you mind if I go over --"

"You should ask her to come over instead." Frank wasn't sure why he had said that but the words had rolled off his tongue. Perhaps it had something to do with wanting to direct Gerard's attention away from his embarrassing assumption earlier.

Gerard regarded him dubiously. "You sure?" He sounded doubtful and self-conscious.

"Yea, totally." Frank said, putting on a smile he hoped would look supportive. "If you get to know her better and stuff, you two would date and you have to be envious of Jamia and I."

"Okay." Gerard frowned. "Wait, I didn't  _mean_  it like that --"

However Frank was already getting up, walking over to Lindsey. Each step he took towards the dark-haired girl felt stiff. Some part of him was demanding him to stop and call it a bluff, that he was messing around with Gerard but the logical part of him told him firmly that this was the best thing to do.

 _This is the least you can do for Gerard_. Frank told himself on the way.  _At least get him a date so you'd learn to keep your distance and stop acting superficial_. Just a few more steps and he'd reach his destination.

Lindsey looked almost surprised that it wasn't Gerard, but Frank who approached her. Her friends regarded him with looks of amusement and surprise but Frank didn't care about their attention. He was more interested in keeping the act up and making a point - not to Gerard but to himself.

He was now a foot away from Gerard's crush.

"I think it's better if you talk to him there." Frank said before Lindsey could utter a word, gesturing behind him. "It's less hotter than standing out here in the sun."

Lindsey appeared stunned but managed to speak. "Actually, it's just about the music club's ..." Her hesitant voice trailed off. Her eyes wandered past Frank's over his shoulder; he knew she was looking at Gerard. Lindsey regarded Frank consideringly before narrowing her gaze. "I guess I could take a bit more time to explain the parts Gerard should play."

Frank smiled encouragingly. "Yea, go for it." He told her. "Listen, I gotta go now but yea, good luck."

Turning on his heel, he marched himself back into the school building, filled with the feeling of having done something he knew was best. It was short-lived though, lasting up till the point Frank had entered the hallways and was walking until he realized he was wandering aimlessly.

Frank did feel better for himself after setting Gerard up with Lindsey, or at least that was what he told himself.


	22. twenty

"Frankie! Frankie! Wait - ow! Well,  _excuse you_. Frank Anthony Iero Junior, hold the fuck up!"

Frank stopped in his tracks with a frown, wondering who on earth was calling out his name in the crowded hallway during dismissal period. Turning away from his conversation with Pete, he saw someone pushing past the moving crowd of students when that person came into view.

Slightly red in the face, panting, and a little sweaty was Gerard.

Involuntarily, Frank's stomach tightened at the sight of the older boy. It wasn't that he didn't wish to see him, or expect that Gerard would look for him, but Frank kinda hoped Gerard didn't go through the trouble of finding him. This was because Frank still had no idea how he  _truly_  felt about voluntarily making Lindsey talk to Gerard, even after telling himself repeatedly that he was doing Gerard a favor and that he should feel good about that. All he knew was that every time he thought about Gerard and Lindsey together, it made his heart squeeze painfully in his chest and cause him to lose focus on whatever he was currently doing.

Frank forced a smile on his face.

Finally managing to squeeze his way out between two jocks, Gerard caught up with Frank and Pete. "Hey, Frankie. Hi Pete." He waved, sounding a bit out of breath. "Sorry, lemme catch my breath - I just got out of History."

"With Mrs Houston?" Pete inquired.

"Yep."

"Sucks that she always dismisses lessons in the last period ten minutes late." Pete sympathized. "I feel your pain."

Gerard nodded. "Do you mind if I borrow Frank for a moment? It won't take long."

"Jeez, what am I? A brick?" Frank joked but noticed strained undertone beneath his lighthearted words. He pressed his lips together.

"Sure Gerard, you can borrow Frank. Is this gonna take long? " Pete asked Frank because he had agreed to send Frank home earlier today.

"It's cool." Frank told his friend. "I'll find a way to get a ride."

"Okay. See y'all tomorrow." Pete gave them a mock salute before he turned to leave the two boys.

Once Pete had left, a nervous-looking smile spread across Gerard's features as he regarded Frank. Both boys' gazes crossed the next moment and then the older of the two began to giggle. "Sorry, I'm just - Hold on." Gerard held out both hands, trying to keep a straight face.

Frank didn't make any audible response, instead regarded Gerard with a curious expression. And then he realized. His heart sank. There could only be one explanation why Gerard looked so elated and why he had searched for Frank at a time like this. He hoped the smile on his face hadn't slid off his face yet.

"So I got to ask Lindsey out." Gerard began, confirming Frank's suspicions. "And she said 'Yea, sure thing,' and you have no idea how fucking hard it was to play it cool when she said that!" He recalled excitedly. "Seriously, Frank, I owe you one! --"

Frank simply nodded along and made noises of agreement and approval while he told himself inwardly to focus on anything other than the dull throbbing ache in his chest or his constricting insides. He had his lips pressed together, the corners of his mouth forcefully curved upwards to conceal what he was truly feeling about the news. He knew he should be happy but he wasn't and this time he couldn't lie his way out.

So he stood there, listening to Gerard babbling God-knows-what until Jamia came along with her arms laden with paperwork.

Relieved to be drawn out of that emotionally exhausting one-way conversation with Gerard, Frank turned to his girlfriend attentively whilst tuning out on what Gerard was saying completely. "Jemmy, you need any help?" He asked.

"Hey Frank; yes I do. Hi Gerard." Jamia sounded breathless as she stopped in her tracks to acknowledge the two boys. She faced Frank, addressing him when she spoke. "But are you sure you can --"

Even though Jamia knew her boyfriend was capable of doing most things himself with a broken wrist, Frank was a bit nettled that she was still that worried that he couldn't manage himself. "Of course I can." Frank answered her, not noticing that Gerard was taking a step to help Jamia out. "Just because I have a cast on doesn't mean my other arm is incapable." He said and received the papers from Jamia.

Jamia turned to Gerard, who had an awkward expression on his features. "Do you wanna lend Frank a hand?" She asked, glancing sidelong at her boyfriend who was struggling to straighten the stack he was carrying.

Gerard opened his mouth to speak but once again, Frank beat him to it.

"I can handle it myself, thanks." Frank hadn't meant to sound dismissive and stubborn but the sound of his voice came out just like that, causing Gerard to press his lips into a thin white line.

Jamia had caught Gerard's expression when a sympathetic look crossed her features. "We'll, uh, see you around?" She said, offering a small smile.

"Y-Yea, sure. Bye ... Yea, bye." Gerard waved at both Frank and Jamia with a tight-lipped smile before he spun hesitantly on his heel and walked off. Unlike earlier, there was a dampened mood that hung around him as he left, instead of the enthusiastic energy he had carried.

Perhaps Frank didn't notice it but Jamia did.

*

"That wasn't very nice of you." Jamia said after her and Frank delivered the papers to the staffroom.

"What wasn't nice of me?" Frank questioned, confused.

"You and Gerard earlier." Jamia stated, the hint of disapproval audible in her tone. She was wearing a slight frown on her features as she stared at Frank, who was looking at anywhere but her. "Did you even see the way you dismissed him?"

"I didn't do  _anything_  to him." Frank protested indignantly. "I only said I could carry the papers by myself --"

" _Exactly_." Jamia agreed, much to Frank's confusion. She sighed as they turned round a corner in the hallway leading up to the school building's exit. "He really wanted to help you but you kept pushing him away. Indirectly." She added when her boyfriend opened his mouth to argue. "You should've seen the look on his face when you turned him down."

Frank began to argue. "Yea, but my right hand's --"

"He's your friend, Frank." Jamia added. "I'm sure he had the best intentions in mind and he's just looking out for you."

"I had no idea he wanted to help!" Frank protested but a tiny part of him stung from the guilt of finding out that he had somehow upset Gerard. His mouth thinned into a white rueful line. "I really had no idea." He repeated, this time sounding very contrite.

Jamia gave him a sympathetic look and placed her hand on his shoulder. She opened her mouth but closed it after, not knowing what to say and allowed her hand to fall away from Frank's shoulder with a rueful expression.

*

"Oh, you're here?" Mikey had his eyebrows arched in surprise when he found Frank at the door.

Frank, with his pulse hammering at his throat, nodded with his lips pressed together. "Yea. I just thought I'd come around, y'know - Art stuff." He said and cringed at his own lame excuse for wanting to see Gerard.

"Oh."

Even though Mikey hadn't meant for it to sound awkward, Frank couldn't help but wince inside. From the monosyllabic response he received and the surprised expression he saw, Frank was certain that he wasn't expected to be at the Ways' residence. Even when Gerard had explicitly he'd always look forward to Frank to coming over to his place.

Frank ignored the ache tugging insistently at his heart and waited for Mikey to let him in.

The taller boy hesitated at the door, his eyes flickering over Frank's thoughtfully. "Okay, sure. Come on in." He moved aside to allow Frank to enter.

As Frank crossed the threshold of the doorway, he couldn't help but glance nervously at the stairs. Mikey hadn't told him where Gerard was and a spark of impulsivity urged him to go up to Gerard's room.

"He's not in the attic." Mikey told Frank as though he had read the dark-haired boy's mind. "Gerard, I mean. He went out to get some art supplies but he should be back in a few minutes or so. Why don't you make yourself home while waiting?" Mikey suggested with a tiny shrug.

"Sure thing." Frank obliged and took a seat on the armchair in the living area. He had his hands clasped tightly as he peered around the room, not out curiosity but because he was too nervous not to have anything to do. As his gaze traveled around, his attention was arrested by a row of photo frames placed on the mantelpiece above the ornamental fireplace.

Now that Frank was distracted from his anxiousness, he got up from his seat and approached the objects that had caught his eyes. The first photograph that stood out most to him was a family portrait taken when both Mikey and Gerard were toddlers with their beaming parents. Naturally, he grew curious as he looked at Mr and Mrs Way, trying to find any physical traits that he saw in the brothers currently.

Frank noticed that Gerard had his Mrs Way's chin and the nose bridge while Mikey and Mr Ways shared the same thoughtful gaze and eye shape.

Then Frank moved on to the more recent family portrait. From the date of the photo, it was taken a few of years ago when Gerard was fifteen. Frank's eyebrows had arched on their own accord the moment he noticed that Mr Way wasn't present in the picture. That wasn't the only thing Frank noticed, though.

Frank also thought the remaining members of the Way family, though smiling, looked sad. Picking up the photo frame with another that was taken earlier and still had Mr Way in it, Frank noted that in the picture without Mr Way the family's smiles were less broad and more strained that the one with Mr Way in it. From this he gathered that something must've happened to Mr Way.

And then this revelation brought Frank's mind to Gerard's sketchbooks. Of course to anyone, the two ideas wouldn't have linked together but Frank remembered Gerard saying something about going through a difficult time at some point in his past when he lent Frank the sketchbooks.

That felt like a lifetime ago.

The sound of movement jarred Frank out of his thoughts. He turned around to find Mikey setting a tray that carried two glasses of milk and a plate of chocolate-chip cookies on the coffee table. "Oh, you didn't have to --"

"Just park your ass and try my cookies." Mikey cut him off with a sigh.

Eyebrows arched, Frank did as he was told, sitting on the armchair and taking a cookie and the glass of milk. He noticed Mikey wasn't touching the milk, or the cookies. "Um, aren't you gonna eat too?" Frank asked, feeling uncomfortable with the fact that the younger Way brother was staring at him expectantly.

"Um, well, I did have a cookie earlier but I needed a second opinion." The bespectacled boy replied with a shrug. "I tend to a bit hard on myself."

"Oh." Frank hesitated. "But you baked this, right?"

"Duh." Mikey deadpanned.

Frank decided not to ask anymore questions and took a bite of the cookie. He was pleasantly surprised to find that the cookie wasn't too hard and not too sweet.. It wasn't particularly dry that it made you want to dunk the cookie in milk. Frank thought it had an aftertaste of peanut butter. "It's good." He said and was tempted to have another cookie.

Mikey seemed to breathe out a sigh of relief. "I was worried that they wouldn't turn out right." His fingers tugged one of his bracelets in an anxious gesture. "The Student Council's planning to have a bake sale to raise funds for the Halloween dance and I thought I'd start polishing up on my skills early."

"Well, it tastes yummy." Frank was shamelessly on his third cookie. "Why don't you sell it at the cafe too?"

Mikey shook his head. "Nah, Ma will probably ask me to make the coffee or wait tables instead. But I could try showing her how I baked the cookies too ..." He said to no one in particular thoughtfully.

"I hope you don't think I'm being nosy but where are your parents?" Frank asked, almost hesitantly. "I mean, I haven't seen your mother and your father --" He broke off, realizing that he overstepped.

Mikey's features closed off like a door in the briefest of moments before they softened. "Ma's always working and Pa's ... well, he isn't around anymore. Anyway, it's always been me and Gerard ever since so there's that." There was a finality in his tone that suggested he wasn't in the mood to elaborate so Frank didn't ask.

  
Now that the mood of the room had dampened because of Frank, he felt a little too guilty to be enjoying the cookies after he had made Mikey skim over a touchy subject. He drained the glass of milk instead, hoping Gerard would be home soon because the absence of conversation was starting to have an awkward strain on the atmosphere and Frank was worried he might lose his nerve to apologize.

The universe granted Frank's wish in a few minutes when the sound of the front door unlocking reached Frank's ears.

The dark-haired boy perked up just as he heard Gerard's voice. Frank's heart was beating fast in his chest, setting off a wave of excitement and anxiousness, as he got up from the armchair.

"Yea, Mochi likes it when you rub the back of his left ear but he hates it when you rub his right ear --" Gerard was saying to someone when he stopped short when he saw Frank upon entering the living area. His eyes went wide, a spark of something lighting up behind them, before he blinked. "Oh, Frankie?" Despite Gerard trying to hide his surprise, the tone of his voice belied him.

  
Frank swallowed nervously, pressing his lips together as he waved rather awkwardly at the older boy. "Hey, Gee." His attention had been transfixed on looking at Gerard that he didn't see Pete behind the other boy.

Pete gave a  _what-the-_ _hell_  gesture when Frank didn't respond to his wave and rolled his eyes. "Wow." He said in annoyance and only then did Frank realize he was there.

"Oh, hey Pete." Frank acknowledged him sheepishly.

"Have a cookie." Mikey approached both Gerard and Pete abruptly, holding the plate up to their noses.

"Well, hello to you too, brother dear." Gerard scowled at Mikey but took a cookie anyway.

Pete did the same thing although he didn't bite into his cookie right away like Gerard did. He looked rather wary and narrowed his eyes at Mikey. "Okay but what's the catch?"

"Just eat the cookie and tell me what you think." Mikey sighed wearily. "It's not that hard to do."

"Why?" Pete looked very confused and uncomfortable by Mikey's insistence. "I mean, the more you force me to do something the more I won't do it."

"You should probably lay back the peanut butter a bit." Gerard told his brother before turning to Frank, who was watching Mikey explain to Pete why he was so intent on making everyone in the room have his cookie.

Frank's cheeks heated once he noticed Gerard was staring at him. He gave a small, nervous-looking smile. "Hey, Gee."

Gerard's lips thinned as he clutched the plastic bag full of the art supplies he had bought earlier. There was hesitation on his features as he opened his mouth to say something.

Frank spoke before Gerard could, his sentence spilling out in a rush of almost incomprehensible words. "Listen, I'm sorry for not letting you help me out earlier and for being rude and all but really I didn't know you wanted to help me and I --"

"Frankie, stop." Gerard told the dark-haired boy. He shut his eyes and exhaled before regarding Frank. "Just stop talking for a moment, okay?"

Frank couldn't help but feel like he had been kicked in the ribs. It hurt that Gerard sounded annoyed with him and what's worse that the older boy had cut Frank off while he was apologizing. He bit his lip and tried not to let his face reveal what he was feeling as he drew his gaze to the floor.

"I'm really sorry, okay?" Frank told Gerard softly. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings when you wanted to help me."

Gerard stared at the dark-haired boy through his lashes, a thoughtful expression masking his features. He drew a breath and shook his head. "Just come upstairs with me." His tone was surprisingly gentle.

Frank only had a moment for his eyes to flicker upwards, reflecting astonishment when Gerard reached out and held his wrist. Too surprised to even speak, he let Gerard lead him up to the attic, his own feet attempting to synchronize clumsily with Gerard's pace.

Mikey and Pete watched them nosily before exchanging looks.


	23. twenty-one

Frank was unsure why Gerard was leading up him to the attic by the hand or what had driven the other boy to do so. Anything that had been on Frank's mind earlier had evaporated and now all he thought about was the older boy's grip on his wrist. The feeling of Gerard's skin in contact with Frank's, the warmth of the his hand, his grip, his hand --

Frank stopped in his tracks as soon as they reached the door leading up to Gerard's attic and was half surprised that Gerard let him go. "Hold up." Frank said. He thought his voice sounded shaky and breathless; it must've been from his nervousness.

Gerard turned around with an impassive expression. "What's wrong?"

Frank swallowed, meeting the older boy's gaze. His pulse was racing but despite the increase of bloodflow, his mind was foggy. "Why are you taking me upstairs?" He asked stupidly.

"What?"

Frank repeated his question, his face growing hot by the minute. When he was greeted with a baffled look, Frank sighed. "I thought you're upset with me acting like a stuck-up during dismissal period."

Gerard opened his mouth then shut it, pressing his lips tightly together. "I  _was_." He admitted, though he didn't sound as annoyed as he had been earlier in the living room when he told Frank to stop talking. "I just ... I thought you'd let me, I dunno, repay the favor. I mean, you helped me get a date with Lindsey so I thought you'd be fine with me helping Jamia out for you - besides your wrist hasn't healed so I didn't think you should be carrying too many stuff at once."

Frank didn't know what to say at first. Then he bit his lip and exhaled. "Gerard, it's fine. You didn't have to do that." He told the older boy. "It's only paper."

"You do know I still feel bad for being responsible for your wrist, right?" Gerard pointed out with a frown.

"But you didn't break it, did you?" Frank said. "Fucking gravity did. When I fell, remember?"

"You know what I  _mean_." Gerard sighed impatiently, throwing his arms up. "Look, it was the least I thought I could do for you anyway."

Frank thought of something, anything to say to Gerard so he'd stop blaming himself for Frank's injury. But no words wanted to come out so he shut his mouth, frustrated with himself and with Gerard. "Whatever." He said flatly. "It's not that I don't appreciate it but I just like doing things independently." He said, although he could hear a small amount of desperation creep up his tone.

Gerard's mouth thinned. "Yea, okay." He responded.

The tension between the two boys had escalated and neither of them had moved, still standing rooted to the spots they were standing in with their eyes averted from each other.

The silence was starting to get to Frank so he cleared his throat and looked up at Gerard again. For a moment, he had difficulty in speaking his mind. "So, why'd you want me to go to the attic?" He asked not because he wanted to break the silence but because the question had been clamoring to get out.

For the briefest of moment, Gerard's cheeks tinted red. "Um, I --" This was the first time Frank had ever seen him at a loss of words. The older boy bit his lower lip and fiddled with the plastic bag in his hands, letting out something that sounded like a nervous chuckle.

Frank arched an eyebrow, fighting hard not to allow himself to smile at how adorable Gerard sounded.

"I can't remember." Gerard replied sheepishly but Frank wasn't at all convinced. "But since you're here anyway ... wanna try something out with me?" The older boy asked.

Frank wasn't sure what Gerard wanted to try out but his answer had flew out of his mouth on the impulse. "Sure. Yea." He cringed inwardly at how eager he sounded and tried to tone it down. "W-What is it you wanted to try out?" Frank inquired.

Gerard grinned that endearing crooked smile that was able to make Frank actually forget himself. "Just come upstairs with me." He urged and turned to open the door.

Frank stared after him, his pulse racing, and drew a breath. Gerard's insistence on not revealing what they were about to do was toying with his natural inquisitiveness. He was shaking slightly from the anticipation. Bracing himself, he followed after Gerard. Once he reached the top of the stairs, he saw Gerard, with his back facing Frank, seemingly taking the contents of the plastic bag out. He approached curiously.

Suddenly, Mochi shot out from under the bed and stood right in the way between the two boys. The cat glared at Frank.

" _No_ , Mochi. Be nice to Frankie." Gerard swiveled around and scooped the feline up in his arms. When he moved, Frank managed to catch the sight of whatever Gerard had bought from the art supply store.

"Is that what I think it is?" Frank questioned, even though he knew perfectly well what it was.

Gerard looked up at him after putting the grumpy calico cat on the other side of the room in his basket. "Finger paint!" He announced happily, hazel eyes lighting up. "I haven't used that in awhile so I thought it'd --" He paused, pressing his lips together. "Well, pick a color. I'll grab the paper."

Frank did as he was told, eyeing the small assorted pots of paint. He reached for the green one when Gerard passed by him, the pad of papers and a roll of old newspaper in his hand rustling.

"Did you bring any clothes to change into?" Gerard asked, laying the old newspaper sheets on the floor while Frank brought the paint over to him.

Frank shook his head. He hadn't planned on coming over to Gerard's today but now that he was going to do finger painting with Gerard, he regretted not keeping an extra set in his bag. He sat opposite of Gerard. "I'll try to be careful." He said, and hoped he wouldn't get any of the paint on his uniform - and if he did, he prayed it was washable.

Gerard's lips thinned in disagreement. "Oh no, you need something to change into." He said, uncrossing his legs as he got up. "I'll lend you my clothes." The younger boy protested but Gerard had shot off to his closet and was poking around for anything that could fit Frank's body.

Frank felt awkward about borrowing Gerard's clothes as he couldn't help but feel that the act itself suggested something intimate - something that was nonexistent between him and Gerard. Perhaps he was just being ridiculous but when Gerard returned, handing him a neatly folded t-shirt and shorts, Frank almost refused the second time.

"Do you need help?" Gerard asked.

Frank was taken aback by the question. He couldn't wrap his head around the thought of Gerard helping him out his clothes any more than he could move his cast-bound wrist. His face burned as he shook his head. "I'm good." His voice had gone all squeaky.

Dubiously, Gerard regarded Frank. "Alright but if you need help ..." He trailed off, watching as Frank left the attic for the bathroom downstairs to get changed. He bit his lip and wrapped his hands around a pot of finger paint, squeezing it absentmindedly. " _What on earth_ , Gerard." He whispered under his breath. He cringed as he did a quick replay of what he said to Frank before that had made the other boy's face redden considerably.

*

Frank had barely managed to get his cast-bound arm into the shirt hole when his phone rang. It was balanced on the edge of the sink, vibrating closer and closer when he seized it to prevent it from falling. With a frown, he checked who the caller was when his chest squeezed in disbelief and apprehension.

Frank and his mother, Linda, hardly spoke after his parents divorced. They only saw each other every Christmas - and it was always with her new family - for a day. Except those yearly visits stopped about two years ago and he'd received five-minute calls from his mother instead. He couldn't remember a time when he'd been close to Linda. His heart tightened apprehensively while his finger hovered over his phone screen halfway between the  _Accept_  and  _Decline_  option.

Inhaling as he squeezed his eyes shut, Frank tapped the screen and answered the call. He tried to sound happy that his mother called but even then it sounded strained to his ears when he said, "Hey Mom."

" _Hello, Frank. How are you?_ " The voice of his mother responded from the other end.

"Good." Frank lied, leaning against the wall. "How about you?"

" _I'm doing fine, thank you_." His mother replied. " _I was wondering, dear --_ "

Almost instinctively, Frank braced himself.

"--  _if_   _you'd like to come over for Nathan's birthday._ "

"Who?" Frank was rather confused. He had no idea who the person Linda mentioned was and neither did he know when the said person's birthday was.

" _Oh, he's your half-brother_." His mother said. Frank nearly dropped his phone from the shock. " _He's turning one this week and I thought you might wanna meet him_."

Frank was so flabbergasted and baffled that it took him longer than usual to process a sentence. Trying to steady himself from shaking, he pushed his hair away from his forehead. "U-Um, I'll check in with you later if that's okay." He bit his lip. "I've got school stuff right now to handle --"

" _Oh, that's alright, I suppose_." Linda sounded nearly disappointed.

This was where it got to him.

Growing up, Frank used to be that kid who did his best so that he could earn his mother's her attention and her approval. He used to be on his elementary school's swim team, attended band camp every summer until the day his parents separated. And even then did his mother rarely gave him some of her time. The part of him where the same child who'd try so hard to please his mother influenced his decision. "I swear I'll think about it and I'll be sure to let you know, Mom." Frank promised and heard the desperation in his tone.

" _Oh, no it's really alright. Take your time, Frank_." He was almost relieved to hear that the disappointment had left his mother's voice.

"Rad. Okay I really gotta go before Gerard thinks I died or something. Bye!" Frank hung up the call and hurriedly stuffed his phone down the pocket of Gerard's shorts. Hastily, he folded his uniform and left the bathroom.

When Frank returned to Gerard's room, he went to put his uniform on top of his bag before he shooed Mochi away so he could sit opposite of Gerard. The feline wasn't pleased, glaring at Frank with those baleful yellow eyes. As if to prove some point to the dark-haired boy, Mochi sidled over to Gerard, putting itself on the boy's lap and meowed.

Gerard gave Mochi a brief rub by the ear. The cat purred loudly, then regarded Frank in a smug manner.

Frank was starting to dislike that cat.

Glancing at Frank from his phone, Gerard arched his eyebrows. "Took you long enough." He murmured but it didn't sound like he was annoyed.

"Yea, I had a bit of trouble putting my sling on." Frank lied, avoiding Gerard's gaze by looking at the blank papers and pots of finger paint.

"You look a bit pale, though."

"I'm fine." Frank said even if he was anything but that.

Of course, Gerard didn't believe the dark-haired boy at all but instead of pressing Frank to tell, he raised his hand and placed it on the boy's shoulder. Frank's eyebrows had arched questioningly at the gesture but there was the faintest trace of red in his cheeks. "I hope you'll be able to work out whatever you're dealing with." He said with conviction.

The way Gerard was smiled at Frank, the tiny uneven curve that sat on his lips, caused the younger boy's insides to melt at once. Frank could hear his own pulse drumming in his ears, fast-paced, as he stared back. He was very conscious that the thin fabric of his shirt was the only barrier between his skin and Gerard's palm.

And Frank felt suffocated. He was trapped between his promise to his mother and Gerard's bewitching hazel-eyed gaze.

There was an ache underneath Frank's ribcage that urged him to close the distance between him and Gerard. He remembered the sense of security and contentment he felt in Gerard's arm, the way it had made him forget the world and how he felt inside because of that gesture. And he wanted to feel all of that again; he needed that distraction. Slowly, Frank moved his right arm.

Gerard's eyes widened at first, with uncertainty, before he appeared to act on instinct. There was no hesitation in his movement as he held Frank in an embrace. From the way he curved his body to meet Frank's, anyone could tell that even if he wanted to hold the younger boy tightly, Gerard was doing his best not to crush Frank's cast.

That tiny gesture caused Frank's heart to flutter under his chest.

After all, wasn't it the small things that mattered the most?


	24. twenty-two

"Are you sure you want to go?" Anthony asked with a certain degree of concern in his tone, regarding his son who was leaning by the counter.

Frank had just broken the news to his father that Linda had invited him to his half-brother's first birthday. He had his arms crossed as a mask of thoughtfulness rested on his features. Truth be told, half of him wanted to go for the sake of seeing his mother once more but the other was tempted to renege on the promise he made. It was safe to say that the former was overshadowing the latter in influencing Frank's decision. "If you're alright with it --"

"No, don't rest this on my case." Anthony stopped his son. He sighed, setting down his reading glasses on the table before putting his hands to his face briefly. "Frank, I'm more worried about you."

Frank bit his lip. "I know. I just think it wouldn't hurt to attend the party. I mean it's kinda like visiting her for Christmas --"

"The last time you did, I remember, I got a phone call that you broke one of your cousin's arm."

"Whoops. But that was  _years_  ago. My temper wasn't as bad as back then." Frank flushed, recalling how prone he was to fits of temper prior to his parents' divorce. "I promise I won't break anyone's arm this time." He regarded his father entreatingly.

Anthony's lips thinned but he knew he had no right to prevent his son from attending the party. Besides, Frank deserved to see Linda, even if his mother had played a small part in Frank's upbringing. Anthony's son was old enough to look after himself and he was well past the point where he'd once withdrawn himself from the world. "You really want to go?" Frank's father asked once more, much to Frank's tiny twinge of annoyance.

"Well, if you put it that way ..." Frank pushed his fingers through his hair. It was starting to get long enough to earn him an earful from a prefect and he ought to have his hair cut soon. Exhaling, he crossed his arms and looked down. "Okay, yes, I wanna go. But only for Mom. Just to ... see how she's been doing."

"Not to meet your half-brother?"

Frank made a face without him being fully aware of doing so. After knowing that his mother had a child without his knowledge, he was reluctant to meet the kid now. "Kinda." He lied.

 _But also to see h_ _ow she treats Nathan and compare it with how she treated me_. Frank added inwardly. Though he had grown up to always picture his mother with his father - even if they had rarely been home the same time - his mother's current spouse was an affluent man younger than his father. It made his stomach tighten.

Anthony paused to mull this over. "Alright then. You can go. But only if you bring a friend with you."

The moment a face popped up in Frank's mind, guilt sprang onto him almost immediately. He should've thought of a dark-haired girl with an openhearted smile. Instead, he saw a boy with hazel eyes and a crooked grin.  _But Gerard's a friend_ , a tiny voice argued when Frank was about to veto the idea of asking the older boy.  _And besides, you_ _couldn_ _'t go to the movies with him the other day_.

"A friend, huh?" Frank said experimentally.

Anthony nodded. "Yes. It would help to have someone you know around in case you can't escape a sticky or awkward situation." He advised. "The more familiar you are with the person, the better." Even if his hint wasn't immediately noticeable, Frank had the impression that this was how his father was suggesting he bring Jamia along.

To be fair, Frank should be asking his girlfriend. He and Jamia hadn't went out together for some time now. Even if he did have free time for himself, it was spent on practicing how to sketch better, particularly on faces. Especially Gerard's.

Frank now felt very guilty of himself.

"Okay, I'll think about who I'm bringing with me to Nathan's party." Frank told his father. But Frank knew that he was set on asking Gerard.

*

"A party? Really? You're serious?" Gerard regarded Frank like he was trying to figure out whether the dark-haired boy was joking or not the following day.

Frank nodded, glancing at the front of the classroom where the substitute teacher for Art class today sat at the desk, taking a nap. "Actually, it's more of a birthday party."

"Whose birthday?" Gerard inquired.

"My half-brother's."

At Frank's hesitant response, the older boy looked at him. Gaze widening, Gerard said, "Does this mean you're introducing me to your family?" He sounded anxious.

Frank's face heated. "Um, in a way?"

"I'm not sure what to think of that." Gerard flushed, his lashes veiling eyes. "You really want me to come with you? Wouldn't your mother react the same way as your father did?"

"She doesn't know about my wrist." Frank glanced down at his cast. "And I don't think she'd mind you."

Gerard twirled the pencil in his hand repeatedly. Then he exhaled audibly, resting his head on the table. "This Saturday right?" He asked, voiced muffled.

"Yea." Frank said to the back of Gerard's head.

"I have a date with Lindsey."

Disappointment constricted painfully around Frank's heart. He tried to hide how he really felt about Gerard's response by rubbing his nose as his hand would obscure the view of his lips pressed together into a thin line. "Oh. Okay." His voice cracked a little at the end. "It's fine --"

"But!" Gerard sat up abruptly that the movement startled Frank. There was a gleam in his eyes. "You said the party is in the afternoon right?"

"Um. Sure?"

"Okay I can  _definitely_  do this." Gerard spoke determinedly before turning to Frank with a huge smile. "I'm going with you then!" He said.

"Huh?" Frank frowned in bewilderment. "But I thought you said --"

"I know what I said." Gerard cut him off with a dismissive wave of his hand. "My date with Lindsey's in the evening so I should be able to make it in record time."

While it did cheer Frank up that Gerard had agreed, he couldn't help but feel annoyed that Gerard was practically dividing up the time he could spend with Frank before he'd have to rush over to his date with Lindsey. "Rad." He responded, suddenly feeling weary. "So I'll --"

"I'll pick you up." Gerard offered. "'Cause, y'know, your wrist and all. Text me your address okay?" The endearingly crooked smile rested on his lips but Frank wasn't looking at him.

*

Frank was afraid he might've upset Jamia more than she'd actually let on.

He was in the car with his girlfriend after school, heading their way back to their apartment building. Jamia, knowing what the relationship between Frank and his mother was like, listened attentively to his story before she expressed her concerns.

"But she didn't tell you about whatshisname --"

"Nathan." Frank reminded her.

"Nathan." Jamia amended. "She didn't say anything about Nathan last year, did she?" She inquired.

"I haven't seen her for two years. We missed out the Christmas visits and all I got were five-minute calls from her which had a lot of awkward silences." Frank sighed, rubbing his temple which had begun to throb. "Do you think that's fair?"

"Of course not!" Jamia looked at Frank incredulously as though she couldn't believe he was asking her this. Resting her hand on Frank's she said, "But if Linda's inviting you then it must mean that she's willing to set things right, don't you think?"

"What? With a new half-brother I've never heard of?" Frank scoffed at the irony of the thought. His chest was tightening with resentment.

"Nobody's forcing you to go." Jamia said quietly. This made Frank forget about how pissed he was and instead caught him by surprise. Jamia, who'd always been there to encourage him and be his support, was now dissuading him from attending the party. She'd always been the one person who had reminded him back then that family ties shouldn't be severed. This was new.

Frank stared at her in mute astonishment. "Jemmy." He began. "That's - Well, the thing is I've already made up my mind to go."

Jamia was shocked. "But you sounded like you didn't want to go."

"Really?" Frank felt his face burn. "I was just telling you what I thought about it."

"Oh." Somehow, the monosyllabic response from Frank's girlfriend concerned him. They had reached a traffic junction and were waiting for the green light. Jamia was tapping her finger on the steering wheel with a pensive expression on her features. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"Don't you have an after-school meeting with the Student Council or something?" A crease formed on Frank's brow.

"Oh, it's fine." Jamia waved her hand dismissively. "All everyone ever does is argue over event proposals for this year but not do anything for it." After all this time dating her, Frank still found himself surprised that she'd make time for him, even if she had more important things to do.

That was Jamia for you. Always the committed and loyal person she was. She was too good for Frank, who'd invited Gerard instead of her.

Jamia turned to Frank with a smile on her face; she was beautiful when she looked at Frank like that. Guilt wrung the insides of the dark-haired boy's insides like wet washcloths but he didn't show it. "So, this Saturday right?" Jamia asked.

Frank's throat went dry as he answered, "Yes. But I'm going with Gerard."

And just like that, her smile faltered in a second, replaced with a look of disappointment. Even if she had tried to conceal her expression, Frank knew he had upset her.

"I'm sorry." Frank told her contritely as she drew her gaze away from him to the road where the traffic light turned green. "I figured you'd be busy so I asked --" He stopped himself, suddenly very aware of how much of a insensitive he would sound if he continued his sentence. Not trusting himself to speak, his lips folded together into a line and shot an apologetic look at Jamia.

The rest of the ride was spent with a lack of conversation, crushing silence, up to the point when they got stuck in traffic. Surprisingly, it was Jamia who'd broke the silence by suggesting they wait out the congestion by heading to a nearby mall.

It was kinda a date but Frank made a mental note to take her out sometime, preferably as soon as possible, to make up for things.

"Oh, right. I just remembered that Evan wanted me to get him something." Jamia snapped her fingers.

"Do you need help?" Frank jumped to the opportunity. "What is it that he's looking for?"

"Stationery." She replied. "Wait lemme check with him first." Jamia produced her phone from her pocket and texted her brother.

While Frank waited for her, he thought about getting a present for Nathan. It would hardly be appropriate if he showed up for that kid's birthday without a present, even if Nathan was too young to even appreciate the fact that Frank had gotten him something.

"Duct tape." Jamia was next to Frank now, wearing a small frown on her face. "Not sure what Evan needs duct tape for." She added, shrugging when Frank arched his eyebrows at her.

"For pranks, maybe?"

"Knowing Evan, that's likely." Jamia sighed with the sort of exasperation one reserved for younger siblings.

The two of them went to a nearby stationery shop. It was only when he entered the store did he have an idea of what he wanted to get for Nathan. As he was unsure whether it'd be appropriate for the kid's age, he asked Jamia.

"It should be. I got Cheren and Lincoln the same thing." Jamia said, naming her cousins who were currrently about five years old. "You're getting it for Nathan?"

"Yep." Frank said before choosing a box of Crayola's washable markers. "Hopefully, Nathan won't make too much of a mess if he uses these for developing his skills."

Jamia shook her head at him.


	25. twenty-three

Frank tapped his foot, still under the impression that the gesture would distract him from the ballooning feeling of nervousness. He had checked the time on his phone, and Gerard's recent message promising to pick him up, a couple of times already. Well, at least eleven times over the past fifteen minutes to be exact.

He was seated at the couch in the living area, his hands clasped tightly together. His eyes were glued to the tv screen, which was showing an episode of some anime Dallon had suggested him to watch, but his mind was elsewhere.

Frank had promised himself not to get up and change his clothes, like he had done twice earlier for the fear that his attire might be labeled as inappropriate for a kid's birthday party. He was now dressed in a camo hoodie worn over a black t-shirt that advertised Gabriel Wayne's logo, and dark skinny jeans. Mismatched socks covered his feet which were propped up on the coffee table - a habit his father disapproved of.

Just as Frank was certain he might actually make a trip to the fridge to eat his anxiety away, the doorbell rang. At the sound, Frank's heart leapt and, without a moment's hesitation, jumped to his feet from the couch and hurried over to answer the door.

Frank was greeted by Gerard, who stood behind it, looking just as nervous as he was.

Except something was different about him.

"You got a haircut?" Frank heard the surprise in his own tone as he stared at the older boy's head. No longer did those long brown strands fall just below Gerard's jawline. It was shorter but choppier now, reminding Frank of Gabriel Wayne back when  _Your Catalytic Relationship_ performed on Warped Tour. Gerard's hairstyle did round out his features, though, making his face look less angular than Frank remembered.

Gerard's face flushed as he let out a small laugh. He scratched the back of his neck, shrugging. "Thought this would have a lower chance of scaring your mom or your relatives away." He said, tugging nervously on the sleeve of his heather gray sweater. The pale shade made the color of the older boy's hair stand out.

"I like it." Frank said without thinking. "You look good."

The right corner of Gerard's mouth was quirked higher than the left as Gerard grinned appreciatively. His long eyelashes veiled his eyes briefly. "Thanks."

Frank felt his heart swell in affection for this boy. "Yea." He said for no particular reason before he remembered why Gerard was here. He told the older boy to wait while he went back inside his apartment to grab Nathan's present and his shoes before the two of them headed for the elevator.

"Nervous?" Frank asked once they reached the ground floor and were walking towards the parking lot.

"No." Gerard answered, getting into his car. "Yes. I'm absolutely terrified." He admitted.

Frank was buckling on his seatbelt. "Well, you're not alone here." He noted that car smelled faintly of cigarette smoke and wondered how often had Gerard smoked a joint in his vehicle. He was hoping it wasn't often. He placed Nathan's carefully wrapped present on his lap when Gerard leaned over.

Frank thought he heard his own breath catch as hs stiffened in surprise. His fingers gripped his seatbelt in anticipation but for what his mind didn't know; only his body did. But as it turned out, Gerard was reaching for the glove compartment.

"Gee?" Frank's voice sounded tinny and breathless to his own ears.

"Sorry, Frankie." The older boy mumbled when he noticed how rigid Frank had become. Gerard leaned back, regarding the Frank apologetically. His eyes traveled away from the dark-haired boy's to the now open compartment. "I also got a present for your half-brother. It should be in there."

Frank stared at him in disbelief. "You shouldn't have." He said faintly. "And his name is Nathan."

"Nathan." Gerard repeated, his attention averted to the key being slotted into the ignition. "It's bad form to attend a birthday party without bringing a gift." His voice was soft. "It's a toddler-friendly jumbo crayon set, by the way."

Though bemused, Frank peered into the glove compartment and spotted a dark green CD wallet and a circular box that was wrapped in brightly colored  _Minion_  paper. He took the box but was curious about the wallet. "Do you mind if I have a look at your CDs?" He asked.

Gerard waved his hand dismissively. "Sure. Pick whatever you feel like listening to." He said, eyes glued to the road.

Balancing the presents carefully on his lap, Frank took out the CD wallet and flipped through it. He was delighted to find a couple of albums by  _Your Catalytic Relationship_ , some  _Mariah Carey_  EPs and other bands. In the end, he selected Parachutes by  _Finn_ _Ible_ _and The Perserverance_  and popped the disk into the stereo.

Gerard's eyes lit up in recognition when he heard the opening riffs for  _World Destroyer_. "Interesting choice." He mused.

"Why so?" Frank smirked over at him.

"I'll admit that I'm not a huge fan of this album."

Frank's jaw dropped incredulously. "What? It's great!" He protested. "It's like Finn Ible just poured out his life story to me over a lager."

"Have you had a lager?"

"No." Frank said. "But it's kinda like that."

Gerard made a face. "Well, maybe I didn't listen to it properly.  _Remedy_  and  _They Wanted Darkness_  isn't too bad but I love  _Oceans_."

" _Oceans_  is pretty basic."

"You know what else is basic?" Gerard said in a dead serious tone. There was a long pause. "Okay I can't think of anything right now so let's just pretend I roasted you there."

"That's cheating." Frank told Gerard but was highly amused all the same. The rest of the ride was spent with occasional conversations regarding school and the latest memes when they reached the neighborhood where Frank's mother lived.

Frank felt his gut twist with trepidation as they passed the streets leading up to Linda's home. He could feel his pulse hammering all the way to the tips of his toes and gripping the seatbelt till his knuckles turned white didn't help to dissipate the ballooning feeling of anxiety. His mouth felt dry.

Gerard had pulled up a block away from Linda's house and had just turned off the ignition. "You'll be alright."

Frank looked at him.

Gerard's lips were pressed together as he regarded Frank, concern visible in his gaze. Managing a small smile, he reached out and touched Frank's knee, causing the younger boy to jump slightly from the contact. "Just ..." Gerard appeared to fumble over the words. "I'll hold you hand if you need me to."

Perhaps it was how ridiculous the notion sounded to Frank or the nerves had gotten into his head but he laughed, face hot. "It's fine. Really, Gee." He realized belatedly he had placed his hand over Gerard's. He would've moved his hand away quickly if it hadn't been for Gerard putting his thumb over Frank's pinkie; there was no hesitation in his movement. The dark-haired boy's pale cheeks flushed with color.

The next moment, Gerard drew his hand back with a nod. His eyes were veiled by his lashes. "Let's go."

*

"Okay, breathe. You can do this. Just press the doorbell." Frank muttered under his breath as both he and Gerard stood at the steps of his mother's house. His ribcage was assaulted by his hammering pulse as though his heart were trying to escape from its skeletal prison.

Gerard looked at Frank, chewing the insides of his mouth worriedly. He was afraid that Frank might be on the verge of an anxiety attack. "Do you want me to ring the doorbell instead?" He asked once he noticed Frank was shaking.

Frank nodded, grateful that Gerard had offered. He held his breath while the older boy moved past him and pushed his finger at the button. He could hear voices and music from inside the house. Then footsteps approaching. He could feel his throat tightening again as the burning urge to run back to the car closing up to him. As the sound became louder, he backed a step, shaking.

And then there was something warm wrapping around his hand, squeezing it reassuringly; Gerard was holding him with a serious expression. Frank was caught off-guard by the gesture. He didn't even remember asking Gerard.

Before he could do anything about it, the door opened. Behind it stood a woman with short dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes which resembled Frank's. She was of average height but was still a few inches taller than Frank.

"Oh, you're here!" She exclaimed happily when she saw her son. Her gaze traveled to the boy with Frank. "And you brought a friend too."

"Hey Mom." Frank managed a small smile as he moved forward to give her a hesitant hug. "Yea, this is Gerard." He inclined his head towards the boy beside him.

"Hi Frank's mom." Gerard beamed, extending his hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Oh, please call me Linda." Frank's mother shook Gerard's hand before ushering them in. "I'm so glad you two could make it." She said. "I was worried you might not be able to meet your little brother." She told Frank, who blanched slightly.

"Here." Frank held out the gifts he'd been holding to his mother. "Gerard and I got Nathan some presents." He said in a small voice.

"Oh, that's lovely of you two." Linda accepted them before she noticed Frank's cast. "What happened?" She asked worriedly.

"Long story." Frank shrugged it off, hoping his mother wouldn't press him for details. Noticing the look that indicated she was dubious of his claim, Frank asked her a question in hopes that her attention would be diverted away from the subject of his fracfured. "So how have things been?"

"Really busy now that Nate's --"

There was a high-pitched squeal, followed by a masculine voice, coming from the living area. Frank gave a start, swiveling his head in the direction of the sounds when a toddler appeared, gurgling with laughter when another person scooped them up in his arms. The person looked up at Frank, Gerard and Linda when recognition passed his features.

"Ah, decided to show your face here, didn't you?" He said, not bothering to express his contempt in his tone. Ben looked the same as he'd always been; lanky-framed body with a seemingly permanent sneer on his otherwise handsome features except for his hair, which he had dyed electric blue.

Frank forced the urge to roll his eyes at his cousin, Ben, who had always been rude to him from the day they first met. He never regretted breaking Ben's arm back then. "Hello to you too." He said monotonously.

"Now now." Linda began placatingly in attempts to encourage Ben and Frank to act civilly.

Gerard waved at Ben, completely missing out the fact that he was a jerk, and extended his hand. "Hi, I'm Gerard." He greeted with a winning smile.

Ben gave him a withering glare. "Show me where I asked for your introduction." He said to Gerard, whose smile had faltered. His eyes traveled to Gerard's and Frank's intertwined hands before disgust painted itself in his gaze. "Oh, and he's your boy toy. How nice." He commented sarcastically.

Face burning, Frank let go of Gerard immediately. "Leave him be." Frank snapped irritably. Then his attention went to the child in Ben's arms. The chubby-faced toddler was now regarding Frank with a look of open curiosity, his odd-eyed gaze - one hazel and the other slate gray - was wide. And then a huge smile appeared on Nathan's features.

Frank wasn't sure how to react to his half-brother but the moment Nathan began to flail his arms in an attempt to reach for the dark-haired boy, hitting Ben in the face in the process, Frank laughed.

"Ow!" Ben yelped then set Nathan down hurriedly. With a half-annoyed sigh, he spun on his heel and returned to the living room.

Nathan squirmed out of Ben's arms and toddled over to Frank with the same smile plastered on his innocent features. Though Frank hadn't yet felt a sense of brotherly connection with the child, his heart swelled with affectionately at the sight. "Hey there, Nathan." He greeted softly as he bent his knees to be eye-level with his half-brother.

"Nathan, this is your brother, Frank." Linda told the toddler who was much more interested in staring at Frank.

Nathan reached out, grabbed Frank's face and squished the dark-haired boy's cheeks together. He made a happy squeal and then exclaimed something that sounded like " _Fang_ _!_ " and hugged Frank.

Frank was surprised by the gesture and heard himself chuckle. Detachedly, he was surprised the kid he was prepared to resent was growing on him so quickly. He then picked Nathan up, making sure not to put too much of the toddler's weight on his left arm for the fear of jarring his wrist. "He's such a sweetie." Frank grinned.

Linda had her hands clasped together, her eyes shining. "Oh, you two." She sniffed. "Well, come along now. You should greet your relatives too."

Frank's heart skipped; he didn't like his maternal relatives much, especially Ben, and the mere thought of seeing them after two years was a bit too much for him considering that he nearly had a anxiety attack earlier. "Ah, just give me a moment." He told his mother.

Linda gave an understanding nod before leaving him, Nathan and Gerard alone in the corridor. Frank looked at Gerard, whose gaze were lambent with delight.

"Nathan is so adorable." Gerard cooed and tickled the toddler's cheek. "Look at the way he's smiling - Gosh, he's so cute!"

Nathan laughed before he proceeded to put his finger up Gerard's nose. The older boy let out a surprised cry and jerked back, eyes wide, with his hand over the lower half of his face. Frank couldn't help but guffaw at Gerard's reaction. He earned a smack on the arm for laughing.

Red-faced, Gerard rolled his eyes. "I was shocked, okay?" He mumbled, now looking at Nathan warily in case the toddler decided to stick his finger Gerard's nose again.

Frank could only grin at the older boy when he remembered that he still had to face everyone else in the living room. The thought of it made his insides turn uncomfortably. "C'mon then. It's time to meet my aunts, uncles and cousins." He said, making a face at the end of the sentence as he thought of how he'd introduce Gerard to his relatives, who were usually quick to judge.

Gerard blanched. "I hope they're not as bad as Ben is." He said cautiously as the two entered the living room together.

 


	26. twenty-four

Frank's face was starting to hurt from the fake smile he'd plastered on his face for the past fifteen minutes. And he was very close to punching the next person who'd give him so much as a disparaging look for bringing Gerard along in the face.

Introducing his friend to his maternal relatives was a pain in the neck and it didn't help matters that they stared at him the whole time. Gerard ignored them, or seemed to be doing his best. The only person who seemed thrilled about Gerard, besides Frank's mother and Nathan, was Linda's husband.

His name was Robert and he was quite tall, with brown skin and a friendly disposition. Frank would've liked him better back then had it not been the fact that he had spent a couple of years harboring the shred of resentment of Linda leaving Anthony for this man. Now that Frank was past that phase, he was could be the same room with Robert without staring surreptitiously at the man from the corner of his eye in judgement.

"Frank, so good to see you again! How are you doing?" Robert asked Frank, giving him a light pat on the shoulder.

"I'm doing okay at the moment." Frank replied. "I started senior year this year." He said.

"Be sure to study hard, alright?" Robert advised. He had that smile that was just radiated sincerity. He looked to the boy beside Frank. "And you must be Frank's friend that Linda mentioned coming over with him." He addressed Gerard. "Good to see you! I'm Robert."

Gerard let out a nervous laugh, extending his hand to shake Robert's outstretched one. "Hello there. I'm Gerard."

Robert, being the nice guy he was, struck up a conversation with the hazel-eyed boy so Frank left them on their own, not wanting to interrupt.

Wandering over to the kitchen, he was relieved there was no one around. He had enough socializing for now. Leaning against the kitchen sink, he closed his eyes and tried to filter out the noise from his surroundings.

Coming here wasn't a bad thing but Frank found himself wishing he could go home now. He attended the party, he met his half-brother, he talked to his mother whom he hadn't seen for two years, he had to deal with his judgmental relatives and all that had taken energy out of him. Besides, no one would miss him if he left early, right?

"There you are." Frank's eyes opened when he heard the person speak.

Gerard was looking at him with a mix of concern and hesitation. "I was wondering where you went."

"It's been almost a minute since you saw me." A smile tugged Frank's lips upwards. "It's not like I disappeared for four years."

"Actually, one minute and fourteen seconds." Gerard corrected. "I'm just messing with you. What are you doing here anyway?" He asked mildly, moving to lean against the sink beside Frank.

The two boys were close that their shoulders were barely brushing each other's. Frank could catch the scent of Gerard - cinnamon, with a hint of smoke. He studied the boy's profile from the corner of his eyes. He hadn't attempted to draw Gerard in a long time but with sunlight streaming in through the window behind them, playing shadows on Gerard's features and turning the tips of his hair copper, Frank wanted to draw him again.

Even if he was certain it would look horrible.  _Nothing's perfect_. Frank thought.  _Except Gerard Way_.

"What?" The older boy faced Frank with a mild frown creasing his brow.

Frank's stomach flipped sickeningly with the fear that Gerard was somehow telepathic all along. "Nothing." He mumbled, his face burning up with embarrassment for being caught red-handed. "You're just nice to look at." And then Frank wanted to punch his own face because he had said that aloud and didn't realize until the words were out of his mouth.

Gerard's eyes widened as if he couldn't believe Frank. A faint trace of color tinted his cheeks. "Oh." He replied and Frank tried not to feel like he'd been squashed. " _Oh_." Gerard turned to stare at the floor.

Anxiety closed in on Frank by the neck, causing him difficulty in breathing. Suddenly, the kitchen felt very hot. Standing beside Gerard, who wasn't looking at him, didn't help matters at all. Frank bit his lip. "I'm sorry, Gee. I --"

"You're nice to look at too." Gerard's voice was soft.

It was like someone had pulled the rug underneath Frank and suddenly the world had turned upside down. Frank stared speechlessly at Gerard.

And Gerard was looking at  _him_. Frank couldn't breathe. Heck, he didn't need his heart which felt like it was pounding its way out of his ribcage. He felt dizzy.

"I --" Frank couldn't manage another word for the fear that he might spout nonsense.

Gerard seemed to feel that way too because he was looking away from Frank, his cheeks growing red. "It's the truth." The older boy said quickly. "I mean, look at you." He let out a nervous-sounding laugh.

" _You're_  the nice one to look at here." Frank was trying his hardest not to grin like an idiot.

"No."

"Yes."

"Fight me, Frankie! I know my facts." Gerard made as if he wanted to start a boxing match with the dark-haired boy. "I know karate." He said in mockingly fierce tone.

"Seriously!"

Gerard dropped the act. The corners of his mouth were curled upwards. He couldn't stop smiling at the sight of Frank laughing, making flutter of warmth travel through his bones.

Frank wasn't nice to look at. He was  _beautiful_  to look at.

*

Frank and Gerard left the party after that because the younger of the two was starting to feel worn out while the other needed to return home to get ready for his date. They were stuck in traffic at the moment and were listening to Gabriel Wayne's solo album, Hesitant Alien.

Gerard kept getting the lyrics wrong and he mumbled the parts he didn't know how to sing. Usually, this sort of behavior from anyone would've annoyed Frank but he found Gerard endearing. Especially when he'd bob his head and wave his hands to the music.

Frank was watching him from the corner of his eye while pretending to be watching the traffic - there was nothing to witness, besides the long line of cars snaking the highway and a dog that just passed by to cross the road. He had already texted his father that he'd be home a bit late earlier.

"I'm gonna be wounded all over again." Gerard looked at the stereo when a song started with a series of notes on the piano began to play. "But this song is so good." A thoughtful crease formed on his brow.

"Um, what's this song called again? I forgot." Frank was reaching for the album in the glove compartment to check the tracklist.

" _Brother_." Gerard replied. "I love it so much but when I found out about the meaning ..." He trailed off. "Kinda reminds me of Mikey, to be honest."

Frank knew the inspiration behind the song but he was alarmed with what Gerard said. "Mikey didn't --"

"No he didn't." Gerard said quickly, shaking his head. "But it just makes me ... think of what I put him through." He explained, his tone suddenly sounding distant and sad.

Frank felt himself tense before he'd even processed what Gerard had said. He regarded the older boy worriedly, his lower lip caught in between his teeth. "Gee." He began and without thinking, his hand moved to rest over Gerard's knee. "You don't have to talk about it if you want to."

Gerard shook his head, tight-lipped. Slowly, he raised his gaze to meet Frank's concerned one. Vulnerability was visible in his hazel eyes. "Can I say something crazy?" Gerard's voice quavered.

Frank hesitated. "Um. Sure, I guess." He shrugged a little too stiffly to be considered a casual gesture. He studied Gerard carefully, worry squeezing his chest with every heartbeat. "What is it?"

The weight of Gerard's gaze on Frank seemed to grow heavier the longer he stared at the dark-haired boy. "I hope I don't scare you off or cause you to cringe so hard you shrink into a ball of nothingness but ..." Frank could hear Gerard's feeble attempt to sound lighthearted. "Even though I've known you as a friend - like for maybe about two months? Yea anyway, the thing is --" A light sheen of sweat began to form on Gerard's pale skin.

The younger boy squeezed Gerard's knee, not so he'd be encouraged to speak but because Frank wanted him to know that whatever he would say, Frank would stay where words failed him; he hoped he didn't accidentally crush the boy's knee though. He was pretty nervous as well.

"There's something about you that makes me ... trust you." Gerard admitted, biting his lip. "And I know it's a bit silly because I don't know a lot about you." He was rueful. "But, anyway, can I trust you?"

Now, Frank was always careful about agreeing to anything because he was afraid that things might go wrong and he'd get trapped under the problems that surfaced. But ever since he started to hang out with Gerard, that habit of his found a new home in the trash. He would hardly think twice when it came to Gerard. So when the older boy asked him that question, Frank almost said yes.

 _Almost_ , because he was reminded of how he'd lied to Gerard back then just so he could get into Lindsey's party. That fact refrained him from giving Gerard the answer right away.

Frank's eyelashes veiled his gaze, hiding the shame that was slipping through the tiny cracks. "It's really up to you." He said. "I'm ready to listen anytime, if it'll make you feel better."

And then Gerard's hand was resting over Frank's on his knee. Frank was astonished but at the same time he was flustered. This was the second time today that Gerard had touched him voluntarily.

"I'll trust you then." Gerard said decidedly with a small nod. Pausing, he drew a breath and looked right at Frank. "Sometimes, I feel like I take Mikey for granted. Like, I don't fully appreciate the person he is. Sometimes, it's hard for me, as an older brother, to see him anything other than that small kid running after me in diapers, constantly pestering me to play with him.

"I used to - well, I still do - think Ma prefers Mikey over me. As my parents' first child, I'm pretty sure they expected a lot out of me. Ma wanted me to follow in her footsteps, to become an attorney that is. Or become a doctor. I dunno, something that pays well in today's society. I mean, I did try to meet her expectations but I've always had a knack for art. Mikey was the one who was who exceeds her expectations. He's the one who does better at school, the one who doesn't struggle with studies and stuff. I mean it's good of him and I'm proud of him but sometimes I get jealous of the attention he gets from Ma.

"She's always supportive of Mikey but when it comes to me, she has to think twice. But for Pa, he's the opposite of her. He doesn't set high expectations for me but he believes in what I do, which works better for me because I don't feel pressured at all. Anyway, he didn't get mad at me when I told him I'd rather be an artist. In fact, he was very supportive and took me to exhibitions, museums and workshops.

"It was ... awful doesn't even begin to cut it but it was just a bad time for me when Pa got into a work-related accident. He never recovered and we had to pull off life-support when the doctors told us there was no chance of waking him up.

"I hated it, that period of grieving. Ma changed during that time. Because we had to pay for the bills and stuff, she'd usually come home late from work. There were times when we'd argue a lot because all of us were under stress. Anyway, I just hated it, y'know? I'd lock myself in the attic and just draw because making up these stories in my head and putting them to ink and paper took my mind off things.

"Of course, Ma assumed we'd be able to look after ourselves but Mikey was the one who looked after me. Like, he'd make me sit at the table with him during mealtimes and remind me to get some sleep and stuff. I mean, at that time I was always in a pissy mood so I didn't really see that he was trying to help me.

"It took some time before I realized that I was being selfish. Because of me, because of looking after me and making sure I was okay, Mikey's grades dropped and he was cracking from the pressure of juggling school, looking after our father's cafe and making sure I was alright. I felt really guilty when I found out about it and I tried so hard to pull my shit together.

"And it was difficult but Mikey and I managed to work things out. To help with improve his grades, I begged some of my classmates to tutor him and since Mikey thought it'd be best if I fix my social life made me hang out with some of the people in my year he was friends with. Some I didn't like but most of them I tolerated. Anyway, it was through his friends that I met Lindsey."

Suddenly, Frank felt his guts twist in abdomen. After listening to Gerard's heart-wrenching story, Frank was prepared to wrap the older boy in his arms and protect him from the world. But since Gerard mentioned his crush's name, Frank felt his heart shrink painfully.

Now, he was prepared to hear praises of Lindsey from Gerard's mouth.

Frank was right because Gerard was now talking about how he met Lindsey, the qualities about her that he liked and the little quirks about her he found fascinating.

There the dark-haired boy sat, listening to Gerard with an expression that was closer to a grimace than a polite smile. And some part of him, that ugly jealous creature that resided within him, couldn't help but argue with Gerard that Frank too shared the same, if not had better, characteristics as Lindsey did. It was drowning out the voice of reason that was trying to advise Frank to think all this through logically.


	27. twenty-five

"So how'd the party go?" Jamia asked curiously, craning her head up to look at her boyfriend. The fingers that were laced through hers loosened. She glanced at Frank in concern, wondering if she'd said something wrong. Since Frank had returned from his half-brother's party, he refused to speak of it when he came over to Jamia's and only wanted to curl up beside her watching a chick-flick movie she knew he didn't even like.

Jamia knew better than to call Frank out on his strange behavior, knowing he'd either lie about himself being okay or just dismiss her worries. She knew Frank was the sort of person who wanted to deal with their problems alone. But he'd come around.

Frank hadn't answered her question. There was this distant, yet sad, expression on his features. "Nothing important." Frank replied. "Just met my shit relatives from Mom's side at the party and Robert."

"What about your half-brother?"

Frank's eyebrows arched. "Nathan? Oh, he's a sweetheart but ... well at least I met him." He said.

Jamia stared at Frank. "Did something happen?"

Frank hesitated. "Ben thought Gerard was my boyfriend." He spoke carefully while he gauged Jamia's reaction.

"Oh?"

Frank bit his lip, feeling anxiety begin to bubble with Jamia's monosyllabic response. His eyes searched her face carefully for any signs of jealousy or accusation. Instead, Jamia's face was ... somewhat neutral? He couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not. "Jemmy," He began. "Ben just thought wrong." He said in hopes to soften any blow he might've left. "You know how it is with my shitty, goody-two-shoes cousin."

Jamia frowned. She had noticed that whenever Gerard was mentioned, Frank would act dismissive and wouldn't speak much about his friend. This made her think there was probably some misunderstanding between the two but when she  _did_  see Frank and Gerard hanging out - she'd seen Frank and his other friends hanging out enough to notice that her boyfriend did not act the same way around Gerard.

If Frank was in a group, he'd be the one who'd sit back and watch everyone. He'd engage in the conversations every once in awhile but otherwise he was the quiet one. If he was with one of his friends, he was the type who was more likely to listen than talk about himself. But with Gerard, Jamia noticed Frank was less passive. He tended to talk more and not only that, he smiled more as well; not the gentle sort of smile he gave Jamia or the polite one he usually wore around his friends but the kind of grin that made his eyes shine.

"Frank?" Jamia sat up, turning so she was facing her boyfriend.

Frank regarded her. "Yea?"

"How are things going with Gerard?"

Frank stiffened. There was that pause that lasted a second too long due to him restraining himself from telling his girlfriend about his feelings for Gerard - it would've been disastrous if he did. "Um ..." Frank was unable to hold her gaze.

Jamia frowned. Over the years of growing up with Frank, she knew his little habits well so when he looked away, something was amiss. Suspicion arose as she wondered if something bad had happened between the two boys. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she asked, "Is everything okay with Gerard?"

Frank sighed, pushing his fingers through his hair. He didn't know how to answer that question. Had Jamia wanted to know how Gerard was doing he would've responded easily. But Jamia wanted to know how things were going between him and Gerard and honestly, Frank had no idea what to say. Worse still, he himself didn't even know what was going on between him and Gerard.

After the party when Frank had returned home, he stayed in his room for almost an hour, thinking. He was beginning to accept the little signs. Like how his heart would flutter at the sound of Gerard's voice calling him. Or how unexplainable warmth would fill him whenever he saw Gerard smile or laugh around him. Or the tiny absence of pulse he'd feel when Gerard talked about Lindsey. Just the little things he felt.

Frank looked at Jamia. He studied her, not for any expressions of anger or mistrust, but just her face. Like the color of her eyes, the curve of her cheekbones, the shape of her lips and every other detail of her features.

"I guess." Frank said in a quiet voice.

Jamia's brows began to crease with worry. "Did something bad happen?"

Frank bit his lip. Then he shook his head. "Nah." He said. "He's just got his own things and I've got mine. That's all." He added.

Jamia's lips pursed. "Oh."

" _Oh?_ " Frank echoed questioningly. Worry started to gather in the pit of his stomach.

"I just thought you and Gerard are really good friends." She shrugged.

"We're just friends." Even as the words came out of Frank's mouth, they didn't sound right to him. "Anyway, he's on a date with Lindsey right now. He's whipped for her, though." Frank said, steering the conversation away into another direction but still remaining within the topic of Gerard.

"Lindsey?" Jamia appeared to be familiar with the name as her eyes widened in recognition. "As in Lindsey Ballato?" She asked for confirmation.

"Yea."

"Oh, I met her when the Student Council had a meeting with the Music club." Jamia's lips curled upwards at the corners. "Aww, that's sweet of Gerard, by the way."

 _Can you not say that?_  Frank thought as he stared at her while a part of him wondered why she said that at all. Was Gerard's feelings for that girl reciprocated? Apprehension and envy balled up in the pit of his abdomen, making his posture tighten momentarily. "Really? How so?" He asked, careful to keep his tone neutral.

"Think about it." Jamia said.

 _I don't want to, thanks_. Frank thought.

"Does Gerard talk to you about Lindsey a lot? Because Lindsey does with me too." Jamia said.

Frank was trying his best not to be upset about hearing the truth but jealousy was an ugly thing when it's paired with a desire for something one couldn't have. "Your point here is?" He didn't bother stopping himself from saying that.

Jamia gave him a measured look like she was trying to see if Frank was messing around in an ironic manner. "I think it's adorable, y'know? Because they like each other and all and that they're on a date right now --"

Frank felt sick and fed up. He had enough on his plate dealing with that shred of resentment for Lindsey that had been bothering him for some time. Now that he had to hear his girlfriend babble about how cute Gerard and Lindsey would be together caused his patience to wear thin. "Look, I really don't give a shit whether they'd look good together or that they'd make it till prom."

"I never said anything --"

Frank got up from the couch before Jamia could finish his sentence, escaping the living area. He didn't register the pounding ache in his head until he was in the kitchen, watching water running from the faucet into the sink. He barely remembered turning it on but the sound of running water had a calming effect on him.

"Frank?"

Frank stopped what he was doing. Now that his sudden flash of anger had left him, he was left with guilt for snapping at Jamia, who knew nothing about how he felt about Gerard going out with Lindsey. His chest constricted as he turned the faucet off and faced his girlfriend.

Jamia was regarding him with a mix of bewildered and concern. She approached him slowly. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I --" Frank's voice died in his throat the moment his gaze met Jamia's. Guilt weighed down on his shoulders. How could he act so selfishly, pining over someone whom he met just months ago, when he was in a relationship with someone whom he knew for the longest time? He couldn't bear to look at her because now he felt ashamed of his feelings, of himself.

Jamia stepped forward, cupping Frank's cheeks and tilting his head a little so he'd look at her. She didn't say anything for she couldn't find the right thing to say to make Frank feel better. And then she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close. She could have kissed him instead but she knew hugs made Frank feel better.

But Jamia wouldn't know that, from now on, every single time she reached out for Frank, he'd sink deeper and deeper into his own guilt. It was only a matter of time before things would catch up and he'd drown in himself.

*

Frank wrinkled his nose, cringing away. It was disgusting how the stench of old sweat had accumulated under the cast on his wrist over the period of two weeks. "Gross." He said. The covered area of his hand looked pale, dry and kinda flaky. "Is this normal?" He asked worriedly.

Even Anthony, who was sitting beside his son, was concerned

Dr Hoppus chuckled and nodded. "Yes, it's perfectly normal. Your wrist has been stuck in a cast for some time. Anyway, let's see how you're doing." The doctor then questioned Frank for any pain and then checked the mobility of his wrist. Once Dr Hoppus was certain that Frank had healed up, he told both father and son about the things Frank should and should not do before they agreed on the date for a follow-up examination.

As Frank had grown used to the cast pressing over his wrist, he thought it felt weird to have it exposed to air and to be able to move it freely - kinda like his wrist was naked or something. Dr Hoppus had suggested he wear a splint when going out but he was free not to use it when he was at home. Frank had also been instructed to do wrist exercises that the doctor had shown him to regain the use of his muscles.

Even if there were so many things to be cautious about now that Frank's cast was off, all Frank wanted to do was to tell someone.

The moment he pulled out his phone and opened the messaging app, the first person that came to mind was Gerard.

His heart squeezed.

Forcing his mind away from the intention of texting the older boy, Frank texted Jamia.

 _My cast is off_.

Almost immediately, Jamia's reply came in. That's great! Tell me how it went, though.

 _Later when I'm at home. It's hard to text with one hand while you're in a car_. Frank sent the message before scrolling through the rest of the messages from his friends.

The group chat he and his friends were in was currently abuzz. He wasn't much active on it but he wanted to check what his friends were talk. However, there were too many things to read and they were mostly responses being expressed in old memes so Frank got fed up of seeing them - it was tiring when one saw the same thing repeated over and over again. So he texted Ryan.

_What's going on in the group chat? And why is everyone sending the same memes over and over again?_

_I'll point my finger at the meme masters, Brendon and Lynn_. Ryan replied.  _Anyway, I was asking when would be a good time to have a party at my place since my parents will be out this week._

 _Sounds interesting_. Frank sent his text.  _When is it?_

 _Next Friday. You're welcome to bring your friends_. Ryan's text bubble read.

A frown creased Frank's brow.  _But y'all are my friends_. He clicked send.

 _What about Gerard and Ray though?_ _Aren_ _'t they your friends?_  Ryan's message read.

*

Even if the cast was off Frank's wrist, he still wasn't allowed to drive. Frank was to wake up earlier than usual so his father could drive him and Evan and Jamia - they carpooled - to school. Usually, Frank would insist on sitting in the back so he could be with his girlfriend but today he was occupying the shotgun seat with Evan and Jamia in the back.

Anthony and the Nestor siblings were having a conversation regarding study and work options after high school but Frank was tuning them out. He hadn't answered Ryan's question and he still hadn't made his mind up about attending Ryan's party.

Frank had considered asking Gerard the night before but the thought of the older boy bringing Lindsey along made his stomach turn. He had also considered asking Ray but he didn't have his number and he didn't feel like asking Gerard for it. So that left Jamia and Evan, though whether or not they'd be willing to tag along, Frank had no idea.

On that thought about his girlfriend it was as though his hearing had switched back on when he heard Jamia's voice speaking from behind. She had a lovely voice, he thought, and he was familiar with how it sound, depending on circumstances. She had a slight lisp to her words and a lighthearted tone but that would go all squeaky if she was either frustrated or annoyed.

Frank thought about how he and Jamia had grown up together. How they'd seen the best, the worst and the most embarrassing moments of each other. How familiar they were with each other's little quirks and strange habits. How she had been his shoulder to lean on when his mother walked out on him and how he had been there to cheer her up when her grandmother, whom she was very close to, passed away. It was the sort of bond that he knew, deep down, that would see through worst storms and last the brightest of days. The kind that would last a lifetime.

And Frank thought about how he knew Gerard. How he was aware of the older boy's existence from the beginning of high school but never bothered to get to know him better until they met at the end of summer. How he had only known Gerard for nearly two and a half months. How, despite such short time, had developed such feelings for a boy whom Frank knew had his eyes set on someone else.

Frank became aware how his thoughts would subconsciously wander over to Gerard instead of Jamia. He realized how ridiculous he'd been, choosing a person who would most likely to be there for short while over someone who has been there from the beginning.

So when Anthony dropped Frank and the Nestor siblings at school, Frank stayed close to Jamia. He waited for the right moment, just as they passed through the front doors of the school building to pull Jamia to the side of the hallway.

Jamia was surprised by his gesture. Her eyes had rounded. "Frank, what's wrong?" She asked.

Frank bit his lip. His hand was holding hers; they fit perfectly in each other's just like how Frank's and --

 _No_. He had to force down the thoughts of Gerard from invading his mind to keep his attention on the present.

"Nothing's wrong." Frank told Jamia. His heart was pounding in his chest the same way it did when Frank had asked the girl before him to be his girlfriend. His mouth was dry. "I was thinking, y'know about how Ryan's having a party next Friday at his place."

Though Frank's words were jumbled together because his tongue couldn't catch up but somehow Jamia could understand what her boyfriend was trying to say. "Yea?" She responded. "What about it?"

"We should go." Frank said in one exhalation. "We haven't attended parties together in awhile."

"Frank, I --"

Frank couldn't resist giving her a pleading look - wide hazel-eyed, creased brow and pouty-lipped expression.

Jamia paused to reconsider her response. "Okay then." She relented.

A smile grew on Frank's face when he pulled her into a kiss to show how grateful he was. Jamia made a small noise of surprise but wrapped her arms around him, going all warm and fuzzy inside by her boyfriend's gesture.

Somewhere across the hallway, a person from the Student Council shook their head in disapproval and reprimanded the couple from their public display of affection - it was stated in the school handbook that this was prohibited.

And behind that person stood Gerard. He was staring at Frank and Jamia as well. Then he pulled his gaze away from them to the polished floors, wearing a tight-lipped expression as he tucked back his hair behind his ear and set off for his homeroom.


	28. twenty-six

Frank hadn't seen Gerard for the whole morning, owing to the fact that he had avoided visiting neither the library nor the music during his free period.

It was lunchtime when he saw Gerard seated at a table nearest to the windows in the cafeteria. As Frank set his tray down and sat down in between Jamia and Tony, he looked up in time to catch the sight of Gerard getting up from his seat beside Ray. As the older boy stood, he lifted his gaze and met with Frank's.

Frank pulled his gaze away hastily and drew his focus on the conversation everyone at the table was having. They were talking about a show Pete was trying to get everyone to watch because he hated how he had to talk about a couple from the show he shipped whom his friends knew nothing about. Frank hadn't committed himself to watching at least one season of that show but he knew just about enough to slip into the conversation with his friends.

"See? I  _told_  you something was shady about the way Kayla acts in the show!" Dallon threw his hands in exasperation at Pete and Ryan who were sitting across the table. "Even Frank thinks so."

"Yea, but that doesn't prove a point." Pete pointed out stubbornly.

"Today's weather looks great for kite-flying." Brendon said to no one in particular.

"Do stay on topic." Lynn narrowed her eyes at the brunet.

"Hi."

Everyone at the table didn't notice the boy standing by their table at first. He had to clear his throat and repeat himself before he got their attention.

Frank did his best not to look at Gerard directly, especially not with Jamia beside him. And especially since he had made up his mind to stop thinking about Gerard.

"Hey, Gerard." Tony waved his hand. "Wanna join us?"

"Oh no, I wanted to talk to Frank for a bit if that's alright." Gerard's eyes traveled past Tony's to Frank. His lips were pressed together and his eyebrows were slightly arched. Frank didn't know how he knee but he knew that look on Gerard's face meant he was hoping. The dark-haired boy didn't want to crush Gerard's feelings or appear cold to Gerard in front of his friends so he agreed to go.

"I'll be back." Frank bent down to kiss Jamia on her cheek. It wasn't something he hadn't done this in the past yet as he drew back, there was this tiny sucking feeling of emptiness in his chest that he knew he never felt before. He casted his worries out of his mind, smiled at his girlfriend and followed Gerard out of the cafeteria.

Gerard didn't speak and his silence made Frank feel nervous. It was only when they reached the hallway outside the cafeteria did Gerard talk. He had spun on his heel and regarded Frank with a small smile.

Frank didn't think much of this unusual behavior. Instead, he drew his gaze away from Gerard's past the boy's shoulder, lower lip caught in between his teeth.

"Hey." Gerard said.

"Hi." Frank responded, followed by a brief pause. "How's it going?" He asked out of politeness. The casual tone to his words felt foreign and unlike himself at all - again, he forced himself not to dwell on it.

Gerard shrugged. "Alright, I guess." He put his hands in his pockets and shifted from foot to foot. "You didn't reply my texts over the weekend." He said softly. His hazel eyes flickered over Frank's features as though searching for a visible explanation. "Did something happen?" He asked worriedly.

"I was busy." Frank lied.

"You read them though." Gerard shook his head. There was a tiny twinge in his chest from hearing Frank's response. He knew the boy was lying but he couldn't help but feel guilty. "But it doesn't matter. Now that you're here, I was wondering when you'd like us to get started on our Art project. Y'know we have to get the storyboard done in about a month."

A small frown found its way on Frank's brow. "Yea, I know." He cleared his throat. It was hard not to look directly at Gerard as he could feel the weight of the boy's gaze on him the whole time. "Well, maybe we can get it done sooner?"

"Can we start on it today afternoon? After school?" Gerard asked. "I don't think I'll be able to do it tomorrow because it's my turn to look after the cafe and stuff." He added.

Frank didn't feel like going over to Gerard's house that day. He had already made last-minute plans to hang out at Jamia's. But he didn't want to fail Art class nor did he want to appear as an unreliable project partner to Gerard. He stared at the poster on the wall promoting proper study habits - the type no one could ever follow - like it could tell him which option to choose.

The poster didn't help and Frank was certain the silence was long enough to be considered rude as it made it seem as if he was purposely ignoring Gerard.

Frank's lips pressed into a thin line. "Well, okay, but just for a bit." He relented.

Gerard smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

*

"I could've done better for the Math test." Jamia was saying ruefully as she stared at the grade on her paper while walking beside Frank in the hallway. "It was the last question that got me so confused and I had to do the questions three times and each time I got different solutions."

"Yikes." Frank cringed, taking a look at her paper as they maneuvered around students in their way. "I left the working space for this question blank." He told her sheepishly.

Jamia's lips were pursed and there was this distinct expression of disappointment written all over her features. Frank felt his heart constrict for her and touched her arm gently. "Hey, it's alright. Numbers  _don't_  define you - unless you're math then I guess it does - but you'll do better next time, yea?" He rubbed her shoulder.

Jamia nodded, looking less like she doubted herself. "I guess. But you'll help me out, right?"

"Duh." Frank slung his arm around her with a grin. "I mean I could try. Two heads are better than one."

A girl Frank didn't recognized walked up to the both of them. A sheepish smile was plastered on her face as she looked at Jamia - she barely gave Frank a glance. From the badge pinned onto the lapel of her school blazer, Frank guessed she was a prefect like Jamia was and let his arm drop from his girlfriend's shoulders.

Prefect or not, there was no point getting Jamia in trouble for PDA which, for some reason, the school had a hidebound rule about.

However, the girl did not care whether Frank had his arm around Jamia earlier or not because she went right up to the dark-haired girl and told her something about an interschool lacrosse match they had to monitor tomorrow night.

"Dammit, why can't Malcolm do it?" Jamia was clearly exasperated. From what Frank had heard of her occasional complaints, she was annoyed that the prefects kept pushing work on her because they expected students as brilliant as her to have wicked time management skills or magic powers to get things done. He had suggested her to say no one time but she only narrowed her eyes at him before shaking her head.

"Wait, I gotta note that down." Jamia said before frowning. "Frank, can I have a piece of paper? I finished mine in class earlier for corrections."

"Sure thing." Frank nodded and turned around so his back was facing her. "Just grab what you need from my bag." He felt Jamia unzip his backpack and reach inside for the paper. "Got it?"

"Yep." Jamia zipped her boyfriend's bag up again and fished a pen out of her pocket.

Frank had only turned around when he felt his stomach drop in horror. In Jamia's hands was his black sketchbook. Initially, he had no problem with his girlfriend looking at his drawings - and insisting they weren't shit when he told her they were - but since he had begun practicing on drawing Gerard, he had done a solid job at keeping it out of her hands. Until now.

Every inch of his muscle fiber wanted to snatch the book out of hands before she could open it and find the number of sketches he'd made of Gerard and it took every bit of his willpower not to.

It was like watching everything in slow motion.

Jamia's hand brushing over the cover of his sketchbook before her fingers curled around the edge. And she was flipping it open, exposing the pages Frank had drawn on.

Frank felt his face burn and his insides to solidify into lead. His mouth had gone dry. He prayed that whatever Jamia did, she'd skip over to the back of the sketchbook where the pages were clear of Gerard's eggplant faces. But he saw the briefest of glances at his works.

Jamia flipped over to the last page but he could've sworn she spent a fraction of a second seeing his drawings. She was jotting down what the junior prefect was saying until she got all the details she needed. Then she thanked the prefect and tore the page she had written on out of the book.

Frank stood as still as a statue, watching Jamia like a hawk as she folded the note and put the note and her pen in her pocket. The sketchbook remained open on her palm. Inwardly, he was panicking.

Slowly, Jamia raised her gaze to Frank. "Thanks for the paper, Frank." She said.

The tiniest of exhalation passed Frank's lips. "No probs." He responded, gaze flitting to her hands which were closing his sketchbook. Another cool rush of relief ran in his veins when she returned him his sketchbook. However the moment he touched his book, a frown creased Jamia's brows.

It was not one of accusation, but one of confusion and curiosity. "I promise I'm not being nosy but --" Jamia bit her lip while the crease on her brow grew deeper with thought. "Did you draw Gerard in there?"

The book almost slid out of Frank's slippery grasp. His heart leapt to his throat before plummeting back into its space beneath his ribcage. Surprise had already flashed over his face before he could disguise the fact that he was shocked Jamia recognized the boy he'd been sketching in his book. Pressing his lips together, he forced a frown on his features and shook his head. "Nah, just some random person. They look like eggplants though."

"C'mon. Don't put yourself down that way." Jamia was trying to go for an encouraging tone but Frank knew she was suspicious - her voice would go higher in pitch in the slightest and some of her vowels would get exaggerated. "Besides, those drawings look kinda like Gerard."

Frank's stomach tightened. "They're not Gerard." His words had gone out sharper than intended. "They're just faces of a person I thought about and they look bad, so there's that."

Jamia stared at him; there was a mix of hurt and confusion in her widened eyes but not that Frank had noticed because he was too busy trying to shove his sketchbook down his bag. Her lips pursed with worry as she turned her gaze away from her boyfriend. "Okay, sure." She said. "Anyway, we should go if we want to catch a bus."

"I'm going to Gerard's." Frank told her.

Jamia stopped. "Wait, but --"

"Art project." He said stiffly. Yet, some small part of him wished he hadn't mentioned about Gerard right after Jamia had thought her boyfriend had been drawing the older boy in his book. "Oh." She responded. "Okay then."

*

Frank felt awful after his and Jamia's conversation at the hallway during dismissal. After she had gotten off at the last stop, he had plenty of time to rethink his actions now that she wasn't next to him. And when he did this, he usually saw himself in third-person so he realized what a jerk he'd been acting like when he snapped at Jamia.

Frank's throat was tight with guilt curling around it like a snake. Thumbs twiddling, he wished he'd apologized for being rude before Jamia got off the last stop. So he texted her instead but she hadn't replied so he had gone back to listening to  _Your Catalytic Relationship_  to block out the sounds around him.

He was halfway through the  _Bullets_  album when the bus pulled over a street not too far from Gerard's. He got off and walked a few blocks while listening one of the slower songs of the album, Early Sunsets Over Monroeville. By the time he reached the Ways' residence, the song had ended.

His heart was beating fast despite him not having physically exerted himself earlier. In a detached sense, he was nervous but in reality he felt numb. It was like one of those scenes of a movie that you knew you should excited about but has been overplayed so many times it lost its novelty. It was kinda like that for Frank as he stood at the door except this felt more like a first time than a thousandth time.

Exhaling, he pressed the doorbell and waited a few moments. And repeated. Before he managed to ring the third time, the door opened and revealed Pete behind it.

Frank's eyebrows shot upwards but he made no comment nor question as to why and what Pete was doing at the Ways' residence.

"Hey Frank." Pete waved and moved aside so his friend could enter. "Did Gerard ask you to join us to play video games?"

"Video games?" Frank frowned as he removed his shoes and put them on the rack at the doorway. He cocked his head as he stared at Pete who was already turning around. "What video games?" He began to follow Pete to the living room.

"Didn't Gerard tell you what we were playing?" Pete asked over his shoulder.

"No. He didn't text me --" Frank broke off as he entered the living area. He hadn't intended for it but his eyes had minds of their own when they scanned around the room. Gerard wasn't hard to spot as he was sitting at the couch front of the tv, leaning forward on his seat as he mashed buttons on the game controller. There was a mask of intense concentration resting on his features.

Frank's heart leapt as it always did whenever he'd see Gerard but the moment his eyes landed on the girl beside Gerard who was also playing the video game. And his chest constricted, leaving a bitter taste at the back of his mouth.

It was neither Gerard nor Mikey who was sitting beside his brother, but Lindsey who looked up and greeted Frank. "Hey, Frank!" She smiled at him and the dark-haired boy felt like leaving the room.

Instead, he forced a smile on his face and waved at her. "Hey Lindsey." It wasn't quite as close as her cheery tone but it was enough to pass off as an amiable one.

At the sound of Frank's voice, Gerard's attention had shifted from the game to the boy standing by the door. His attention had been away from the screen long enough for both Lindsey and Mikey to defeat his character. "Well, fuck." He frowned but didn't seem too disappointed about his loss.

"Eyes on the prize, Gee." Lindsey said in a teasing tone, leaning back so she could high-five Mikey behind Gerard.

Frank's stomach tightened. Gee was supposed to be his nickname  _for_  Gerard. He looked away from the couch to the floor, shifting from foot to foot. "Well, I could always come back another --"

"No. Please stay." Gerard had wriggled himself out from between Mikey and Lindsey and was approaching the younger boy. "We gotta work on our project."

Frank narrowed his eyes over Gerard's shoulder at the couch where Pete, Mikey and Lindsey sat. "Yea, okay." He said, uninflected.

Gerard nodded, not noticing Frank's cold tone and pointed upwards. "So, to my room? I've got the pencils and papers there so draft things out for a bit. Then maybe you could join us all for a game?" He sounded hopeful.

Frank shrugged. He couldn't be bothered, not with Lindsey in the same room as he was. "Whatever works." He mumbled noncomittally, not looking at Gerard.

The older boy frowned slightly. "Okay then? So, uh, to the attic?"

"Sure."


	29. twenty-seven

"So these are the ideas I have for the storyboard thingy we have to do for our project." Gerard was saying as he handed Frank a bunch of papers that had colorful sticky notes stuck on each sheet. "It's kind of a huge mess but take your time to read it."

The dark-haired boy was sitting on the edge of the bed while other was facing him while seated on his computer chair. Gerard was watching Frank's face carefully while he was reading through the notes. He bit his lip, feeling a ball of self-consciousness tighten under his chest the more Frank read on.

Frank didn't appear to have been bothered by the staring as his attention was spent on trying to decipher the older boy's spidery handwriting. While Gerard's ideas were very detailed, he couldn't help but feel the plot was quite predictable, cliched and slightly unrealistic. Especially the part when Party Poison somehow managed to fight off the Dracs with his bare hands. He told Gerard about what he thought.

"Yea, I wrote that bit when I was super pumped." The faint color of a flush appeared on Gerard's cheeks when Frank mentioned that scene. "So I didn't have time to throw in conflicts and drama and whatnot."

"Yea, but otherwise you could do a better job on planning the scenes." Frank commented.

"That's what I wanted your input on." Gerard said, raising his hazel eyes to meet Frank's. "But, feel free to add on if you'd like."

Frank nodded but he looked from the notes to Gerard's features. The knotted feeling in his chest was growing tighter by the second. "So, uh --" He set the papers down on the coverlet beside him, drawing a breath. His hands were shaking slightly with nervousness as he placed them on his lap. "How's it going with Lindsey?"

It hurt Frank to ask Gerard about this because he wasn't interested in knowing what was going on between the two - but some part of him was worried that something had begun to bloom between the Gerard and Lindsey. As Frank has anticipated, Gerard's eyes lit up but where the spark would've went burning as he spoke about her like it used to, it dimmed. Gerard leaned back in his chair, his lips pressed together while he nodded; what that gesture meant Frank didn't know.

"Good." The older boy answered.

Frank let out the tiniest sigh of relief that the long answer he'd been expecting was not spoken when suspicion wrapped around him again. Why wasn't Gerard talking more about Lindsey? The dark-haired boy knew he was signing himself to be stabbed by hurt but he asked, "And?"

Gerard gave an ambiguous response - a shrug - and raised his gaze to meet Frank's. "Is there anything else I should be saying about her?"

There was a twinge of annoyance within Frank. The dam that was holding back how he really felt about Lindsey was cracking at the base. "I dunno - like maybe something amazing about her? Like how you think she's fantastic at the bass? Or that her sketches of Mochi is on point?" He could hear the subtle hint bitterness soaked over his own voice.

"What are you on about?" A crease formed on Gerard's brow but there was a flash of self-consciousness when he drew his eyes away from Frank's gaze briefly.

"Lindsey." Frank answered. "Or should I say  _you_  talking about Lindsey."

"Frank." Gerard was giving him a look of bewilderment. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Frank shook his head. "Nothing's wrong. Everything's fucking fine."

"Are you upset that I didn't invite you to play video games?"

" _No_." In truth, Frank was hurt but only to a small extent; he was more hurt that Gerard had chosen Lindsey over him so many times that when he saw the girl with Gerard today it pushed him to the edge. He scowled but didn't look Gerard in the eye. "I'm not."

"I would have invited you but you weren't responding to my texts so I assumed you were probably too busy to care." Gerard continued. "And I thought maybe you'd have wanted to spend the afternoon with Jamia instead." He added in a voice that was barely above a whisper. "You barely looked at my direction the whole day today."

"And does that matter to you?" Frank demanded.

Blood rushed into Gerard's cheeks as the older boy opened his mouth. "It - I just  _noticed_." He rolled his eyes. "Anyway, it doesn't matter because you were all over Jamia today so what's the point of me when your mind is clearly elsewhere?"

"I should be saying the same thing as you." Frank was wearing a cold expression. The effect of seeing Gerard flinching at his tone was lost on him because all he could care about was the tight grip of resentment on his throat. "I can count the number of times you've somehow manage to bring Lindsey into the topic, even when what we're talking about has nothing to involving her."

"And does that matter to you?" Gerard asked quietly, using the younger boy's words against him. Despite having thrown all his resentment out on the older boy, Frank was greatly annoyed how he could still turn the tables. Gerard was meeting his gaze now. "Does it matter if I want to talk about Lindsey because I have feelings for her?"

Frank pressed his lips together. "It doesn't." He willed himself to ignore the growing pressure behind the backs of his eyes and the sensation of his heart crushing into itself. "It doesn't matter but I was trying to make a point. But I'm fucking done here." Without looking at Gerard, he stood from the bed and stormed his way out of the attic. His heart was pounding so loudly in his ears he didn't hear Lindsey inviting him to join her, Pete and Mikey for a round of  _Tekken_.

*

The dark mood surrounding Frank had lingered on for a couple of days after the fight he had with Gerard. He had kept it bottled up within him but there were times when he thought about it and broke into tears - this was when he was alone, otherwise it would've raised Jamia and his friend's concern for him.

Though his arm was healing up better than he thought, Frank liked to keep it in its splint. It was, he thought, kinda like a metaphor of him keeping how he truly felt from the world - it was a sad reflection, but it made Frank feel better about himself.

Just a bit.

Frank had spent more time with Jamia over the past few days so things were going nicely between him and her. He also made sure to sit far away from Gerard during Art class, refusing to stay anywhere within a ten feet radius of the older boy. Not only that he did also go great lengths to avoid Mikey and Ray during his free period, lunch and in between classes. It was tough but some part of Frank was relieved he was sticking to his plans for once and was making progress.

It was the night of Ryan's party. He had insisted on having a costume-themed party, despite having no reason on why he wanted that besides him saying it was his party so he can have whatever theme he wanted to. Ryan didn't specify  _what_  kind of costume but he did say something along the lines of "Y'all can dress up as whoever you want; just have fun," so Frank decided to go as Finn Ible from the era of  _Your Catalytic Relationship's_  The Black Parade. He had the marching band jacket to go with it but he couldn't find the pants for it so he had to make do with regular black skinny jeans.

Jamia had dressed up as Little Red Riding Hood but she had decided to add a bit of a horror factor to it by painting on fake wounds and bruises on her face. She also helped Frank paint half of his face like a skull - he had this silly idea to portray himself as a half-dead Finn Ible.

Frank hadn't expected Ryan to have invited so many people to his party so when he showed up at the doorstep with Jamia, he was startled to see the crowded hallway. While his friend's house was large, there didn't seem to be enough room for everyone; however no one seemed to care.

Ryan, who was dressed like as Link from Zelda, simply gave a sheepish grin and said something along the lines of "Brendon probably spread the word but the more the merrier, I guess." Frank couldn't really hear him past the loud music thumping throughout the house.

Jamia felt the same way Frank did about the party, which was being uncomfortable with the number of people in the house. "This is nice." Even her boyfriend could hear the sarcasm in her tone when she eyed the already crowded living room.

"It sure is." Frank kept a hand on her shoulder in case some drunk idiot thought hooking up with Jamia was a good idea. He peered around the place for any familiar faces as he and his girlfriend made slow progress down the corridor.

Frank didn't recognize anyone though Jamia managed to find her friends near the stairs. He would have stayed but his bladder chose the wrong time to want to answer the call of nature. Excusing himself from the group, he tried to use the bathroom but someone had thrown up all over the sink so the stench of vomit made him forget about relieving himself there.

Frank found another bathroom after a minute of pushing through people in the kitchen. Once he was finished with his business, he went to look for Jamia but she was nowhere to be found. This was when he begun to panic.

He had no idea who everyone else was and the fact that there were so many bodies in close proximity made his throat close up. Feeling his heart pounding hard against his ribcage as he searched for anyone he recognized, Frank was starting to give up when he found someone whom he didn't expect to see at the party outside by the pool.

"Gee?" The name tumbled out of his lips as he stared at the boy sitting on the lounge chair all by himself while the other people present were splashing in the pool.

The older boy looked up from his phone, not having made any attempts at communication with the people around him, and gave a slight frown before he recognized Frank. "Hey, Frankie."

Frank felt his heart skip at the sound of Gerard's nickname for him. He remained quite still, staring at the boy. Gerard had dyed his hair red again and was dressed in a blue suit and a tie that matched his hair. It was like seeing Gerard at the coffee shop near the end of summer all over again but where Gerard's hair had been long back then, this time it was short.

"Didn't think I'd see you here." Frank said, hearing the hint of confusion in his tone.

"Me neither." Gerard shrugged. "You seem ... different."

"The skull paint?"

"Yea, there's that but --" Gerard bit his lip, shaking his head. "It's good to see you." The way he said it with such sincerity made Frank's head spin with the guilt of keeping his distance from Gerard. "Anyway, that's a cool costume. Finn Ible from YCR."

"Y-Yea. You too." Frank's brain had gone on autopilot so that was all he could speak at this moment, even when he wanted to say something else. "I mean, you're Gabriel Wayne during the Hesitant Alien era. It suits you." He blurted. He regarded the older boy for a few moments. "Did Ryan invite you?"

"Ryan?" Gerard frowned. "Oh you mean the guy dressed as Link from Zelda? Nah. He invited Lindsey but she asked me to come with her." He sighed a rueful sound and peered around. He had his lips pressed and there was that lost expression in his gaze that Frank hadn't noticed sooner. "I have no idea where she went though. One moment I was with her and the next  _poof_ _!_ "

Frank could relate to that on a certain level. He bit his lip thoughtfully. "I can't find Jamia either, so there's that."

The older boy's eyebrows arched but he made no comment about Frank's statement. Instead he patted the space beside him, wearing a small crooked smile on his lips. "Well, we could always wait until they show up."

Had Frank not been paying attention, he would've sat beside Gerard without hesitation. But Frank had hesitated, remembering about how he'd snapped at Gerard and how he tried to stay away from the boy. He felt ashamed at how he treated Gerard and here the other boy was inviting Frank to sit beside him as though there had been no fights between them recently.

Frank's chest tightened. "You want me to sit beside you?" He asked in disbelief.

"I wouldn't want you to stand beside me, now would I?" Gerard sounded amused. "That would be mean and I'd have to look up at you every time we talk; I'd only give myself a crick in the neck and you'd be wasting your energy. Now park your ass."

Frank stared at the spot beside Gerard then at the older boy. The pent-up emotions of shame, embarrassment and guilt he had kept was starting to swell underneath his ribcage. His brain was starting to short-circuit, narrowing down the options to sit or leave.

He'd suppressed the feelings of his heart for days now; they were starting to escape.


	30. thirty

Barely a minute had passed and Frank was feeling jittery and restless beside Gerard. Despite the distance of about five inches between him and the other boy, it was too close for him. A part of him wondered if Gerard was more pissed with Frank that he let on; if so, it'd be much easier to stomach how he didn't seem as awkward as Frank was.

Frank had considered texting Jamia but he had left his phone charging by his nightstand. He could ask Gerard but he was too nervous to do so.

The dark-haired boy was tapping his finger on his thigh, watching Gerard from the corner of his eye. Words of apology were building up at the back of his throat, demanding to be released but how could he if Gerard's attention was invested elsewhere - cat videos, Frank noticed. He cleared his throat loudly. "That cat looks like Mochi." He commented, glancing at Gerard's phone once more.

The other boy nodded distractedly. "Kinda." He stopped the video he was watching and pocketed his phone. "I didn't know your friend knew so many people." He mused.

"Who?"

"Whatshisname Randy?"

"Ryan." Frank corrected. "And, no, he doesn't know a lot of people. My other friend, Brendon, is the guy who spread the word about Ryan's party."

"Oh."

Frank tugged one of his sleeveless gloves absentmindedly. A sudden thought occurred to him. "Did Ray hear about the party?" He asked.

Gerard shook his head. "He did but Ray's never been one for parties." He said. "He prefers a smaller group - makes for easier interaction." He added. "What about you? Besides Ryan and Brendon, are any of your other friends here?"

Frank shrugged. With all the people here in costumes, some of which had made them difficult to identify, he had no idea. He glanced over at Gerard, who was producing a pack of cigarettes and a Zippo lighter from a pocket in his jacket. The older boy pulled a joint from it and placed it in between his lips before holding the pack to Frank. "Want one?"

Frank stared at him for a moment too long before he responded. "Smoking is bad." He had forgotten Gerard smoked though he wasn't certain if the boy did on a regular basis.

Gerard chuckled and placed the pack back in his pocket. "Suit yourself." A spark of flame ignited from lighter as he lit his cigarette. The end of the bud glowed orange before he puffed a few wisps of smoke. "I mean, I know it's bad but I don't smoke on a regular basis." He said.

A group of teenagers by the swimming pool who had been there long before Frank had arrived, began to cheer loudly. One of them began to strip down and jumped into the water. Both Gerard and Frank watched them from the lounge chair they sat on with bewildered looks on their faces.

"Man, I really need a drink." The dark-haired muttered, resting his elbow on his thigh while his cheek rested on his palm. "It's gonna be so unbearable if everyone else is drunk and we're sober."

Much to Frank's confusion, Gerard chuckled and shook his head with an amused grin. When the older boy noticed that he was given a confused stare from Frank, his crooked smile grew wider. He took a drag from his cigarette before exhaling slowly; the smoke seemed curled around him. "Here you are telling me smoking is bad and now you're saying you need a drink." Gerard turned to Frank. "Drinking is bad too."

Frank felt his face burn. "Well --" He couldn't find any way to argue so he closed his mouth and looked away. "You have a point there."

Gerard shrugged, taking another drag before blowing a smoke ring. The racous laughter from the group in the pool was growing louder. He made a face, took a another drag and exhaled before dropping his cigarette and crushing the lighted end. He stood from the lounge chair. "So let's get some drinks."

"Wait, what?" Frank stared up at him.

Gerard shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets. "Unless you have a ride, we could ditch the party again." A gleam of playfulness shone in his eyes, reminding Frank of the time they had left Lindsey's party to play at an arcade.

The younger boy's chest tightened with longing. "I don't." He shook his head. Then he got up. Beside Gerard, he was detachedly aware of their height difference; the older boy was more than half a head taller than Frank was. A part of him wondered if he'd reach Gerard's height some day.

The two boys went back inside the house. Frank braced himself for the feeling of bodies pressed up at his sides as he squeezed through the dark and crowded corridor. "Gee, wait."

Gerard, who had been pushing the glass sliding door open, looked over his shoulder. "Hm?"

Without really thinking, Frank reached out and held onto the older boy's hand. Words began to spill out from his mouth. "I'm sorry - I don't want to lose you in the crowd and I just found you so like --"

"Frankie." Gerard cut him off in a firm tone, causing Frank to stop talking immediately. The expression on the red-haired boy's face was that of understanding. "I know you hate crowded spaces."

Frank stared at him before he nodded slowly. His cheeks grew hot with embarrassment as he drew his gaze away. "I should have asked before I held your hand."

"It's okay." The corners of Gerard's mouth lifted. "I won't let go unless you want me to."

The feelings Frank had repressed was stirring around his chest. He couldn't think of anything other than how Gerard was being nice to him even if Frank hadn't had a proper conversation for the past few days.

He felt guilty.

The two boys reached the kitchen where Gerard managed to sweet-talk a group of girls who were dressed up in matching bunny costumes to share some of their beer. When Gerard returned to where Frank was standing by the fridge, he had with him two bottles. The older boy handed him one of them. "So where to next?" Gerard popped his bottle open and took a sip.

"Eh, anywhere that's less crowded?" Frank suggested, peering around while the nagging feeling of anxiousness around so many people prodded him. "Come to think of it, the whole place is packed."

"Not upstairs, though." A crooked grin sat on Gerard's lips. "What?" He said when Frank gave him an incredulous look. "You know it's true."

"Only in cringey high-school movies." Frank scoffed, finally managing to open his bottle. He took a swig, feeling the alcohol fizz on his tongue before he swallowed it. "And wouldn't it be rude?"

"I think he doesn't mind." Gerard was looking at the doorway. Following his gaze, Frank was a little surprised to find Ryan and Dallon pressed up against the wall by the stairs, making out, while people passed by them on their way up and on their way down.

"Oh my." Frank frowned and shook his head. "That's a real shocker." He mumbled to no one in particular - he hadn't expected that Dallon and Ryan were interested in each other in that way - and decided to drink some more beer. The burn of alcohol on its way down his throat was satisfying and so was the feeling of the weight he'd been holding in his chest easing up. "Let's go upstairs then."

*

Frank was laughing. He didn't even remember why he was but he was certain that it had something to do with Gerard. "That was a really good one, Gee." He grinned, reaching for the bottle beside him and taking a swig. He had heard the older boy sing a random song he wrote, and the feeling of warmth that filled his chest from hearing the boy's voice was warmer than the burn of alcohol in his body.

"Yea? Made it up myself." Gerard rested his head against the dresser he was sitting against, regarding Frank with a crooked and lazy smile with half closed eyes. "Maybe I should try that sometime. Like, open-mic nights. I can't play the guitar though but you can." He pointed at Frank and leaned forward so his finger booped the younger boy's nose.

Frank giggled and swatted Gerard's hand away. "Leave my nose alone, thank you very much --"

"You're welcome, Frankie."

"-- but nah, I'm not that good at playing the guitar." Frank finished his sentence. He shook his bottle and was disappointed that he'd already drained the last of his beer. With a sigh, he set it on the floor. "I wanna grab some more but then everyone's all hogging the space and I hate crowded spaces."

Gerard gave him a sympathetic look.

The two of them had managed to find a spare bedroom that wasn't occupied to escape the party. Frank hadn't been keeping track of time but he did enjoy having random bursts of conversations with Gerard where no one could interrupt them. The room was dim, owing to the fact that their only source of illumination was that lamp on the nightstand. The window was open, allowing cool night air to enter the room although it was beginning to get cold in there.

Frank ran his fingers through his hair, glancing at Gerard who had lapsed into a thoughtful silence. The light was playing tricks over the boy's features, shadowing certain areas of his face and accentuating angles of it. His lips was parted, slightly, and his lashes were lowered.

Frank thought Gerard looked beautiful in this light.

The dark-haired boy didn't know why but urge to draw Gerard would always exert the strongest pull on him in moments of silence. That, and it was always at the time when he didn't have his sketchbook nearby him - it was frustrating.

"Gee? I want to draw you." The words had escaped past Frank's lips.

Hazel-colored eyes met his gaze with an expression of amusement and curiosity. That smile resting on Gerard's mouth was endearingly crooked, making Frank's heart swell with affection. "Me?" He sounded faintly incredulous.

Frank nodded, nudging Gerard's knee with his foot. "Yes, you, Gerard Way."

There was a small and nervous sounding laughter from the red-haired boy. "That would be nice."

"Yea, if I didn't make you look like an eggplant --"

"Don't put yourself down." Gerard chided. "You're good at it."

Frank rolled his eyes. "Am not." He scoffed, shaking his head.

"Wrong until proven." Gerard said. "I wanna see them. Your sketches of me, I mean. I think that would be great, since I did draw you."

Frank remembered the transparent folder Gerard had given him one time when he went over to the older boy's house. His cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "Funny story but there this sketchbook of mine where I draw you." And then he began to tell Gerard about how he had lent Jamia the book the other day so she'd have something to jot details about an interschool competition on and her reaction.

Gerard listened attentively to Frank's recount and didn't interrupt until he was finished speaking. There was a pensive expression resting on his face as he regarded Frank. The younger boy wondered what he was thinking now. After a few seconds, Gerard cleared his throat. "Why did you lie to her?"

Frank arched his eyebrows before they furrowed. He wasn't certain if he had heard the other boy right but he knew what the question was. There was this tiny thought nagging him at the back of his mind which he could immediately identify. He could feel the weight of Gerard's gaze pressing down on him. "Why do you wanna know?"

Gerard shrugged, the faintest tint of red creeping up his cheeks. "Just curious." He mumbled. His fingers tugged on a stray strand of thread on the seam of his jacket sleeve in what seemed like a nervous gesture. "Do you love Jamia?" He asked abruptly.

The younger boy was caught off-guard by his question. Suddenly, it felt like the pathway connecting the command center in his brain and his thoughts was severed. There were just so many kinds of replies he could give popping up in his mind yet as he considered each of them, he knew they wouldn't fully answer the question Gerard asked. "I --" He bit his lip.

Gerard's eyes were wide, filled with curiosity and expectation. He was leaning forward slightly with interest.

Frank could hear his heart in his ears and feel it pounding all from his head down to his toes. He knew exactly what to say now but at the same time he was scared. The wall between what he could say and what he kept to himself was starting to disintegrate.

"Jamia's the sweetest, smartest and the most beautiful girl in the world. She's just amazing and - I could go on and on about her but I'd run out of words. She deserves all the happiness in the world and I do anything to make her feel that." He told Gerard. His hands were shaking so he had to clench them to hide the fact. Words were forcing their way up his throat now. "I love Jamia. I'd take a bullet for her over and over again. But I know what your question means so what I said doesn't answer it. So, no, I don't love her in a romantic sense."

All was silent following Frank's answer. The sound of his pulse in his ears earlier had begun to soften, leaving a tiny ringing behind. He felt a bit lighter inside now and he knew that was because he had released the secrets that weighed him down.

Gerard's eyebrows had arched. His lips parted and there was this stunned look on his features. He didn't say anything for what felt like the longest time but when he did, the volume of voice sounded weirdly amplified. "But if you don't love her, why are you still with her?"

Frank drew a breath. If the weight of his secrets had burdened him, guilt was twice as heavy. "I don't want to break it off with her because I'm scared she won't handle the truth." His voice quavered at the end.

"Oh." Gerard stared at him. "I thought you were happy with her."

"I am happy with her. Just, not in the way everyone expects." Frank said. "It started around the end of sophomore year and my friends were all, 'But Frank, isn't there  _anyone_  you're interested in dating or hooking up with?' It just pissed me off. So when Jamia broke up with her ex-boyfriend and was upset about it, I stepped in." He couldn't bear looking at Gerard. He couldn't even bear to listen to himself anymore. "I thought that maybe if I tried to love her that way, I'd change."

"Oh."

" _Oh_." Frank imitated Gerard's response, not out of spite but because he felt that way too - like all he said, though it was what he knew, was smacking him in the face and jarring the part of his brain that processed information.

Gerard bit his lower lip while the confused frown he was wearing softened. He was looking at Frank, at how the boy was hugging his knees and staring at the ground with unseeing eyes. Slowly, he moved so he was in front of Frank and wrapped his arms around the boy.

Frank was startled by the gesture yet at the same time he was relieved. Gerard hugging him meant he didn't judge Frank for his actions. Something within him broke - the last of his composure - and he was shifting his legs so they stretched out before allowing himself to hold onto Gerard.

Frank could catch the scent of cigarettes layered over a distinct citrus smell on Gerard's clothes as he buried his face in the boy's shoulder. He barely remembered the last time hugged Gerard and what it was like but now that he was in the boy's arms, he wanted to dissolve into Gerard's body.

Gerard didn't say anything and neither did Frank but the hug made up for the silence.

"Gee?" The younger boy's voice sounded muffled against Gerard's shoulder, his tone carrying hesitation. He drew back slightly.

"Hm?" Gerard regarded him. There were traces of concern on his expression.

"There's something else I have to get off my chest. While the alcohol is still fueling me." Pressing his lips into a thin line, Frank reached up and touched the other boy's face before shutting his eyes and resting it on Gerard's forehead. Their lashes were nearly brushing against each others and their lips were just as close. "I just wanna say that --"

"I'm really sorry!" A voice outside the room was saying, sounding agitated. "But I have no idea where --" Before Frank and Gerard could spring apart, there was the sound of the door being opened.

Both boys by the window jumped away from each in other in surprise. Their expressions mirrored each other's; parted lips and wide-eyed that indicated shock and confusion.

Gerard and Frank were staring right at Ryan, Jamia and Lindsey.

 


	31. twenty-nine

"I'll just, uh, be on my way. See y'all in school or something." Ryan patted both Jamia and Lindsey's shoulders, shot a confused look at both Frank and Gerard before he swiveled on his heel and left the room. He could hardly be blamed for wanting to flee.

The two boys by the window had stood up now and were facing the girls. "Hey." Gerard said in attempts to break the silence, his voice sounding tinny and high.

Lindsey, who was dressed as a delinquent schoolgirl sporting fake wounds and bruises, looked intimidating when she arched her eyebrow questioningly at both boys. She crossed her arms and exchanged glances with Jamia. "Okay, but can someone explain just happened here?" She asked.

"Uh." Gerard scratched the back of his neck, studiously avoiding looking sideways at Frank. "A lot of stuff?" He answered sheepishly.

Frank could see that Jamia was taking in the sight of bottles on the ground; she didn't looked pleased but at the same time she seemed rather concerned. "Jamia, I --" He began as he took a step forward when his girlfriend raised her gaze to his, stopping him in the process.

Jamia's lips were folded into a thin line as she looked from her boyfriend's guilty expression to the taller boy behind him - Gerard was studiously ignoring her. After all this time, she had never assumed the reason why Frank usually hung out around Gerard was because her boyfriend might have had an attachment for Gerard. It wasn't right to jump to conclusions now but she  _knew_ , deep down, from the way both boys were acting was that something was up.

Frank could imagine cogs whirring in Jamia's brain as she put two and two together. His heart was caught in a lump his throat, while his stomach was dissolving everything into acidic anxiety. He didn't trust himself on an explanation just yet - Jamia didn't appear to want to hear one - so instead, he let out a sigh. "Let's go home, Jamia."

She didn't argue.

*

Jamia hadn't uttered so much as a single syllable since they were returning home from Ryan's party. Frank had tried multiple times to talk but every time he tried, his girlfriend's silence killed off his attempts.

They were standing in the elevator now on their way up to their apartment floor. Jamia refused to stand near him and he couldn't blame her for not wanting to. After all, when she, Lindsey and Ryan walked in on him and Gerard - they were only hugging, for crying out loud - Jamia just gave Frank this really upset look that told him he fucked up, big time.

Frank's eyes traveled from the display above the doors sideways to Jamia's features. As he knew her for the longest time, he was familiar with any little signs that gave away how she really felt. From the tight set of her shoulders to her refusal to acknowledge his presence, Jamia was definitely serving up the silent treatment and Frank was getting the worst of it, on top of the guilt for everything he'd done.

The night was going  _fantastic_.

The elevator dinged a pleasant sound that broke tense silence that hung between the two and opened its doors. Frank let Jamia go first, not that it would've made a huge difference in making her speak with him or that it would soften her up. His posture was slouched because of the burden of his guilt. He kept up with her pace though he walked behind her as a small part of him, while futile, hoped she'd look over her shoulder at him.

Every step they took brought them closer and closer to the apartment units they lived and time was ticking away.

Frank had thought of what he wanted to say but with every inch they moved, he was rapidly losing the nerve to do so. However, the pressure of his words were building up at the back of his throat, fighting to be released to the point that when he and Jamia passed by the potted plan that stood guard at one of their neighbor's apartment unit just before to theirs, the words spilled out of his mouth.

"Jamia, I --" Before Frank could continue his sentence, Jamia stopped in her tracks. He nearly bumped into her but managed to catch himself before he did, now standing very close to her that he could catch the scent of her perfume, night air and the faint indescribable smell of the party earlier. Frank heard Jamia sigh while her shoulders slumped with her breath when she turned to face him.

There was an exhausted look on her features and something in her eyes that spoke of immense disapppointment - obviously at Frank's unfaithfulness. "Frank." She began, the soft volume of her voice heavy with weariness. "I know you want to explain yourself but I'm too tired to hear it, okay?" Her tone carried an undertone of irritableness.

Frank nearly said, "I'm sorry," but bit back at the last moment with the knowledge that it was probably the worst thing he could say right now. His lips folded tightly on each other as he nodded with an apologetic air.

Jamia sighed, her gaze searching over his face. She opened her mouth as though to say something but decided against it.

That was when some desperate part of Frank took over his brain.

Frank leaned to kiss her, completely oblivious that by doing so he'd only drive the wedge between them further home. His lips were on hers but she didn't kiss back, instead took a step away from her boyfriend. Jamia wasn't one to cry but when Frank looked at her, suddenly aware of what he'd done, he noticed the way she had was looking at the ground with that tiny crease on her forehead and a slight outwards jut of her lower lip.

Jamia sniffed, shook her head, and turned away from Frank.

*

Frank had been staring at the cracks in his ceilings for hours while the night gave way for dawn to break. He hadn't gotten so much as a wink of proper sleep. Strangely vivid dreams had visited him that night, jarring him awake about every half an hour till he gave up on trying to get some rest. To stave off the urge to doze off, he kept himself busy by playing his guitar. He couldn't bear to touch his sketchbook any longer as it felt like it'd only make things worse for his head which was already ridden with exhaustion.

After a few attempts at playing a couple of songs he knew, Frank gave up and crawled back under the sheets. Though it could hardly replace the feeling of being in another's arms to comfort him and provide him shelter from his whirling emotions, at least the covers would be warm.

Came morning and Frank hadn't moved a single muscle when he heard the faint sounds of kitchen utensils being used. His stomach growled hungrily; after a few moments of debating whether he should go have breakfast or remain in his bed to mope, he was lured by the thought of food.

Dragging himself out of bed, Frank stood in front of the full-length mirror and patted down the areas where his hair appeared to have been smushed up when he realized the dark shadows encircling the bottom of his eyes. He narrowed his eyes then shook his head. He hoped his father wouldn't notice. Frank left his room for the kitchen and arrived just in time to see Anthony already serving up two plates containing hashbrowns and omelets for both himself and his son.

After greeting his father good morning, Frank sat at the table and tucked in. He wasn't aware of how hungry he'd been until he started eating and within minutes he had finished his meal. To resist the urge to stuff himself some more, Frank got up to make him and his father coffee.

"You okay there?" Anthony asked, eating a strip of bacon. "You look tired."

Frank's lips were pressed together as he scooped some coffee mix of equal portions into two mugs. He was doubtful about telling his father what had happened during Ryan's party last night and explaining his current situation between both Jamia and Gerard would be the equivalent of willingly rubbing salt into a wound. "I'm fine."

Anthony didn't press Frank on the topic but his lack of response did. After all, this man was Frank's father, one of the only people who didn't walk out and leave him - if Frank couldn't work up the nerve to tell Jamia something that was bothering him, he'd always turn to his father. Then again, Frank wasn't sure if this matter would be alright to bring up as the reason why his parents had divorced was because his mother had cheated on his father.

Frank decided to go for it anyway.

"Dad?"

"Yea?"

Frank poured the water into two mugs that had the coffee mix in them, using the action as an excuse to work up the courage to tell his father what had been troubling him. "Do you think it's bad for a person who is in a relationship to develop feelings for someone else?"

Anthony didn't respond for a few moments, so only the sound of the teaspoon clinking against the mugs as Frank stirred the coffee offered the only reply. "Um." Anthony was stumped, glancing at his son as Frank placed the mugs on the table. A small frown formed on his features. "Well ... that's quite a question."

Frank regarded his father with a blank expression but anyone could've noticed that it was only a facade to keep the illusion of him not being bothered by anything.

Anthony folded and set the newspaper down before he took a sip of his coffee - he resisted the urge to make a face. The hot liquid tasted bitter than he would've liked. "Frank, you can't choose who you have feelings for. It's not something you can force onto yourself." He began, carefully choosing his words. "It comes when you least expect it to. Still, even if you do like someone else when you're in a relationship you gotta be honest with your significant other. Of course there'll be misunderstanding or disagreements but it would hurt less than lying to them."

Hearing that from his own father, guilt felt heavier on Frank's shoulder. The lump in his throat was aching and the thought of what he'd done to Jamia, the person who had stuck with him the longest time, made him feel like a despicable person. Heck, even detaching himself and thinking about the situation made him think he was an awful human being.

"Oh." That was the only response Frank could give.

Anthony arched an eyebrow, noticing how his son's mood had dampened further. "Is this about you and Jamia?" His tone was careful but it wasn't enough to prevent Frank from thinking as if his father was accusing him of cheating.

Frank shut his eyes, willing himself not to lose his composure. "Does it really look like that?" He had intended to sound surprised but his voice had cracked, giving the clues away.

Anthony could see past Frank's expression. Though he didn't condone cheating in a relationship, he thought Frank felt guilty about it judging from how his son looked. Anthony's face softened. "The best thing you can do now is to acknowledge that what you done is unacceptable and that you should apologize to Jamia - this involves her, yes?"

Frank nodded. "But I'm scared that she'll just get even more mad at me." He said weakly.

"Frank, if you acknowledge you were wrong and apologize sincerely, I'm sure Jamia will come around eventually." Anthony reasoned.

Frank remained silent. He knew it wouldn't be as easy as how his father worded his sentence but a part of him was clinging on desperately to the hope that there was still a chance that he could patch up the mistakes he did. But he couldn't do it right away, not while she was still upset because worst-case scenario Jamia would only yell at him - even though she has never done that but Frank wasn't taking chances.

"Okay then."

*

Frank waited until Sunday to talk to Jamia. He knew that she would take a morning jog with her brother, Evan. He rose early that day and headed to the basketball court downstairs where he and the Nestors used to play when they were younger.

His basketball was slightly deflated but still playable although it was annoying when it didn't bounce all the way as he dribbled it. He shot a few hoops - missing them all as he always did because he was just that bad, despite having played the game for a long time - until he heard voices. The sounds of the ball hitting the pavement repeatedly stopped as Frank caught his ball with both hands and faced the direction of the sound.

Sure enough, he saw the figures of two people approaching, jogging. He put the ball down, not caring that it began to roll away slightly, and made his way over to the wire fence surrounded the court. Even though his heart was pumping from the exercise and his limbs were starting to tire, those didn't compare to what he was feeling now - hearing his pulse hammering loudly in his ears and the weightless sensation in his body.

Frank tried to wear a friendly smile although that was quite a challenge because when Evan looked his way, the taller boy's features turned sour. Jamia wasn't looking at Frank but the Nestor siblings still approached.

The dark-haired boy waved at them from behind the wire fence. "Good morning." His voice sounded strained and high to his ears. "How was your jog?"

"The same as always." Evan replied, his tone uncharacteristically cold. His eyes raked over Frank's sweaty appearance then looking past the boy's shoulder at the basketball which was now rolling away to the edge of the court because a breeze had picked up. "New routine?" He asked skeptically.

Frank shrugged. "I thought I'd try to give my left hand some exercise." He hoped the Nestor siblings would buy his statement because it wasn't really a lie but then it wasn't really his motive in the first place. He glanced at Evan's sister nervously, biting his lower lip. "Y'all wanna join?"

"No thanks." Evan replied flatly. "But thanks for the offer." He gave a sidelong look at Jamia then regarded Frank. With a sigh, he patted his sister's shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. "I'll go back upstairs." He informed Jamia, then glared at Frank before he jogged towards the apartment building.

It was just Frank and Jamia now.


	32. thirty

Frank knew what he wanted to express to Jamia and what he wanted her to understand that he hadn't meant to hurt her this way. But he wasn't good with words and there were some things that one couldn't explain by speaking. "Jemmy." He began softly.

Slowly, Jamia raised her gaze to meet Frank's, her expression carefully masked. "Frank." Never had his name sound so curt on her lips and never had she spoken to him in a stiff manner.

The dark-haired boy's mouth thinned into a line before he spoke. "I wanna apologize for that night." He began. "I-I wasn't thinking and I was a little drunk --"

"You know what sucks?" Jamia cut him off with a question, regarding him with an impassive look on her face. She was quiet after that, apparently waiting for his response.

Frank opened his mouth then shut it. He didn't know what to say even though he knew what she was going to say. "What?" His voice was tiny, compared to the roar of blood in his ears.

"The irony of being hurt by someone you love in the most unexpected way." Though her tone was soft and calm, Frank could hear the undertone of her words driving deep into his chest. His eyes flickered away from hers in shame, his face burning red, but Jamia continued in the same tone. "I know we haven't been spending a lot of time lately but did you have to go behind my back with Gerard?"

"I --" Frank was about to protest when he stopped himself. His face turned red with shame. "No. But ... --" He trailed off, looking down at his shoes.

"But what, Frank?" Jamia said, her voice starting to shake. "Are you gonna blame it on the alcohol?"

Frank felt his throat close up with indignation. " _No_  --"

"Or that because I lost you in the party you thought you could go around with other people --"

"Jamia --"

"Or that I'm not  _good enough_  for you?" Jamia's eyes were shining and Frank had only begun to realize how hurt she was - she wasn't one to cry and neither did she get upset easily but when she was, he knew how severe of the impact his selfishness had left on her.

"God, Jamia, no!" Frank stared at her in utter disbelief. "Don't  _ever_  tell yourself that!" He hadn't realized the volume of his voice had risen to near a shout.

"Then what?" Jamia demanded. "What's the problem here?"

"I don't love you!" The words exploded from Frank's mouth. There was a brief moment of silence, the calm before the storm, before more words came streaming out of Frank's mouth. "I don't love you the way you love me. I can't love you the way I should. I only agreed to be your boyfriend so that our friends would stop pestering me to get a date. Of all the people I could think of you seemed like the best - no, the low-risk option. I know that's hard to stomach but it's the truth, okay?" He threw in, chest rising and falling while Jamia stared at him with open-mouthed shock.

There was just something satisfying about cathartic releases, the high that accompanied the relief of letting go what burdened your mind late at night. Frank could feel blood pounding in his head as his eyes met Jamia's defiantly.

The girl could only shake her head as she stepped back with her gaze falling to the ground. Her hands had curled into fists and if one paid close attention they'd see that her hands were shaking in the slightest. "Wow." She responded flatly.

Frank's fingers curled tighter around the wires of the fence. "That's what you wanted, right? For me to be honest instead of lying to you?"

Jamia drew a breath. "I'll see you around, Frank." Not bothering to add anything that would make the dark-haired boy remorseful for his words, she swiveled on her heel and marched stiffly towards the apartment building. Frank watched her go, his heart pounding but even the relief that came with releasing his pent-up emotions began to fade.

Afterwards, Frank didn't do much except for shooting hoops until his limbs were sore and his clothes were drenched with sweat. It was only when he stopped playing and returned to his apartment did the full realization of what he had yelled at Jamia overtook him. A combination of fatigue and guilt crushed him and by the time he reached the shower back home he had broken into tears.

*

Came Monday and Frank felt no better than he did the day before.

The din of the hallways was getting to his head and Frank was tempted to turn around and scream until everyone shut up. Initially, he had wanted not to attend school but his father had insisted that he pull himself together and get his ass to class - not that Anthony had used vulgarities to get the point across. Frank would succeed doing the latter but the former was far-off.

The boy was convinced that Jamia was avoiding him and she was doing a fantastic job at it because he hadn't seen her for the whole morning. It was an hour till noon and Frank had Art class at that time.

Somehow, he was too upset about the situation with Jamia that when he walked into class and saw Gerard sitting at the desk joined to his, Frank's mind blanked out before going, "oh, right, we also have this guy to worry about." One of his classmates had cleared her throat loudly behind Frank, annoyed that he stopped abruptly by the door and was blocking the way. He mumbled an apology and scooted to the side so she could enter before he turned his attention back to Gerard.

Every step towards the boy felt like he was dragging himself through Jell-O that contained doubt and anxiouness, which felt like they were diffusing through him.

Frank sat himself down beside Gerard, not looking at the boy as he placed his belongings in the desk drawer. They didn't speak at first, an awkward tension hovering between them, when Frank cleared his throat. "Hey."

"Hi." Gerard offered a small but forced smile. "How's it going?"

"Fine." Frank wanted to reply "terrible," but he didn't want to bring Gerard's concern into this. He was certain the older boy had other things to worry. No conversation ensued after that, which Frank was both alright but disappointed about, until the end of lessons. The two boys went their separate ways and it was for the best for now; they didn't have to draw ire from their respective girlfriends especially after Ryan's party.

Frank decided to have his lunch near the garden where Biology students grew their plants for their experiments. He was eating his sandwich, which a bit soggy and bland, when he saw a girl walking up to him. With a frown, he recognized her features and her black hair tied in two pigtails. He stopped eating at once, sitting up warily when Lindsey stood in front of him.

It was hard for Frank to tell whether she was mad at him because of her neutral expression. Lindsey pointed at the spot beside him on the bench he sat at, arching her eyebrows. "You mind if I sit?" She asked.

Frank was tempted to say no as he didn't want more drama, but he waved his hand dismissively. "Sure." He scooted a few inches away when Lindsey sat down. He didn't have the appetite to finish his sandwich anymore so he put the lid over his lunchbox and looked at Lindsey.

The girl didn't say anything at first as she appeared to be thinking. "So." She faced Frank.

Frank couldn't help but frown slightly, confused. "So what?"

"You and Gerard."

"If you're gonna threaten me --"

"Nope. I swear I'm not." She held her hands up, eyes wide. "I just wanted to talk." Her tone softened.

Frank's eyebrows furrowed together. "What's there to talk about?" He hadn't meant to sound as though he didn't wish to speak with her.

Lindsey shrugged, her hands clasping together on her lap. "It's just ... Gerard never told me about you and him."

"What's there to talk about me when he has you?" Frank huffed, rolling his eyes. "You're perfect to him." He added quietly.

Lindsey's lips pursed.

"Aren't you mad at me or him?" Frank asked.

"Mm, no. Kinda at Gerard. Maybe a little at you. But not really, I guess? I dunno." Lindsey sighed, her breath causing her bangs to flutter away from her face. "I mean honestly, I didn't expect much out of dating Gerard." She admitted. "He's a sweet guy but --" She broke off, her mouth thinning into a line.

"But what?" Frank was curious now.

"There's a lot of things I like about Gerard. At the same time, I just feel like we'd be better off as friends. It was nice dating him and all - it's just I can't see us really being committed to each other." Lindsey said. "I think he's kinda realized that - I hope he did - but I really wished he told me about you sooner so we could go on our own ways, so to speak." She regarded Frank. "So what about you and Gerard?"

"There's nothing going on between me and him, by the way. Not a relationship thingy. We're just friends." Frank explained. "It's just ... I think it's complicated."

"What's complicated?" Lindsey didn't sound like she was judging him but more like she was interested in hearing what Frank had to say.

"Um. I'm not good with words so ...--" He trailed off as he reached for his phone in his pocket. Pulling up a photo-editing app he used occasionally for making memes, he used the Draw function. He made a red triangle in the middle of his screen and then drew a star, a heart and a square surrounding it, each in a different color. "This is me." He pointed at the triangle.

"Okay?" Lindsey glanced at him then back at the screen.

"This is Gerard, Jamia and you." He pointed at the star, the heart and the square respectively. "Comprende?"

"Well, I'd prefer to be represented in a circle since a square's pretty inaccurate but nothing's perfect. Continue." Lindsey urged.

"Obviously, me and Jamia were dating before I met Gerard." Frank drew a line connecting the triangle and the heart. "Fast forward till I met Gerard. The first thing I remembered from then was him dancing to some song on his headphones when he turned around and saw me. He spilled coffee, I think."

"Aww, that's cute."

"Let me finish." Frank told her. "I have horrible art skills but Gerard said he liked my drawing of a dark angel I did last year." He said.

"Oh yea, Gerard told me about that one. It looks great though."

"Thank you. Now back to the story." Frank drew a squiggly line connecting the triangle and the star. "Me and Gerard got to know each other better because of Art. I doubt he knows this but he's the reason why I tried to sketch better - not that I made any progress."

"Wait, how exactly?" Lindsey frowned.

Frank felt his face heat up. "Promise you won't tell this to anyone." He said firmly, staring at her.

"Pinky swear." Lindsey extended her pinky with a solemn expression when Frank linked his pinky finger with hers. "You were saying?"

"I ..." Suddenly Frank's mouth went dry. "I tried drawing him. But I'm only good at picturing his face in my head and not at actually putting it down on pencil and paper. Because of that I started hanging out with him more so I could remember the details of his face better."

"Wow." The girl goggled at him.

"Yea." Frank said weakly. "But then the more I hung out with him, the more I liked hanging out with him. And I got to know him better and he was just so nice and positive and all. He makes me feel ... different - it's like being snuggled deep under the covers feeling all warm and stuff." He looked down at his screen, drawing a line connecting the star and the square. "But then I found out he likes you so I got jealous."

Lindsey could only give Frank a sympathetic look. "I don't blame you."

"Yea? Thanks." Frank exhaled softly.

"But what about you and Jamia?" Lindsey pointed at the heart and the triangle.

The boy used an eraser, lowering the opaqueness, before tracing his finger over the line between the heart and the triangle so the line became less prominent. "Jamia was really busy training the junior prefects and managing the Student Council so we barely hung out. But it's mainly my fault because I chose not to try to find the time when she's free to go on dates and stuff; instead I hung out with Gerard."

"Oh." Lindsey frowned. "But Jamia didn't do her part, did she?"

"She does but at that time I just made excuses."

Lindsey studied the boy's expression carefully. "Jamia told me about the argument you and her had yesterday morning." When Frank regarded her warily, she continued. "She never knew you only agreed to be --"

"'Her boyfriend because everyone else was pushing me to get a date and she was the low-risk option.' Tell me something I don't know." Frank huffed.

"That was a dick move." Lindsey stated.

Frank felt awful, though he deserved it. "Is Jamia mad at me?"

The girl nodded. "She has the right to be. But she wished you told her that you weren't really satisfied with the relationship to spare her from the heartbreak." Lindsey's features softened at Frank's guilt-ridden expression. "Have you apologized to her?"

"I tried to but I choked up."

"Try again." Lindsey told him gently. "C'mon Frank. She's been the most loyal friend to you. Do you really think she'd give up the friendship you two shared over this?"

"Yea."

"Well, you have a point. But the thing is, you are very sorry about it, right?"

Frank nodded.

"She's known you the longest time, Frank. I'm sure she'll be able to tell whether you mean it or not."

Frank thought about this for a moment. Slowly, he nodded. "Yea, you're right." He acknowledged and Lindsey smiled. "Thanks for hearing me out and not getting super pissed at me for looking like I was trying to hook up with Gerard."

" _Please_." Lindsey scoffed, rolling her eyes in amusement. "I have better things to waste my anger on than boys." She grinned at Frank. "I'll put in a word with Jamia for you, just in case."

"You don't have to --"

Lindsey waved her hand dismissively. "It's on me. You're a good guy, Frank. I hope you don't break her heart again." With a smile, she left.


	33. thirty-one

Frank allowed until Wednesday for Jamia to cool off and gather herself before he tried to apologize again. Instead of sending a text to her like what a regular teenager would do, he wrote a location, time, today's date and his name on a piece of paper before stuffing it in the slot of Jamia's locker before the last period of the day.

He could barely pay attention to the lesson that took place before dismissal, glancing at his phone under the desk at least five minutes or so to check the time. Once class was dismissed for the day, he swept up his belongings and hurried out.  On his way to the exit, he nearly bumped into someone in his haste. Mumbling an apology, he looked and recognized the person.

Frank had done a solid job at avoiding the Way brothers for the past few days but today wasn't his day because Mikey was facing him. The look on the boy's face was that of mild annoyance but when he realized it was only Frank, his features broke into an amiable smile. "Oh hey there, Frank."

Frank gave a forced smile before glancing around quickly to see if Gerard was anywhere nearby. When he was certain Mikey's brother wasn't in sight, he turned to the taller boy. "How's it going?"

"Fine, really. School's starting to be a bit stressful." Mikey admitted. "You?"

"Uh." Frank was temporarily at a loss for words. "Fine." He said, after a long pause. "But do you have any idea when last year's batch prefects will be stepping down from duty for new ones?" He asked.

"Next week, I think." Mikey answered with a nod. "Why?"

"Nothing." Frank hoped the word 'Jamia' wouldn't appear on his forehead because the last thing he needed was Mikey to press him on the topic of Jamia - that's if Mikey had been paying attention to the girl's mood lately. "Anyway, it was good to catch up with you but I gotta --"

"Frankie?"

The dark-haired boy could've sworn that even with all the noise around him silenced the moment he heard his nickname. Just as luck would have it, his streak of sucessfully avoiding both Way brothers died. Drawing a breath, Frank turned around to see who it was to find Gerard and Ray standing behind him.

The wild-haired boy grinned and waved his hand in greeting while Gerard gave a tight-lipped smile. Frank could only mirror Gerard's expression but waved back at Ray anyway before returning his attention to Gerard.

Behind Frank, Mikey took one look at the two boys before he made some sort of half-assed excuse that Frank didn't listen to when he gestured for Ray to follow him. Ray appeared confused, but read Mikey's expression and then both Frank and Gerard's when he understood and followed after the younger Way brother.

Frank and Gerard hadn't been talking like they used to back then, their conversations reduced to small talk or brief discussions on schoolwork. Awkwardly, Frank cleared his throat. "So."

Gerard shrugged. "So."

"Is there something you wanted to talk about?" Frank asked softly.

The older boy's lips thinned as his gaze dropped to the floor in thought. "I think I've avoided this topic for long enough but is it cool if we could meet up at the coffee shop?" He asked - Frank could've sworn he heard Gerard's voice quaver at the end.

"What?" Frank stared at him while his mind could only think of his plans for the rest of the afternoon today. "Why?"

"I just wanna talk. I just need, like I dunno, a bit of your time?" Gerard asked nervously. "I mean I'll try not to take too much of your time."

Frank wanted to say yes to Gerard and he nearly did had it not been for his brain reminding him he had pressing matters to attend to, like trying to apologize to Jamia again. He opened his mouth then shut it before he opened it again. "Gee, I'm sorry but I've got plans." It hurt Frank to put the older boy down like this but it had to be done.

"Oh." A small and rueful pout appeared on Gerard's face  before he remembered Frank was still there. His features were wiped clean of his disappointment in an instant when he nodded slowly. "Well, that's okay. Maybe some other time, yea?" Without waiting for Frank to respond, he walked away and disappeared into the crowd.

Frank nearly considered going after him but decided against it because the odds of him finding Gerard with so many people in his vicinity was low. However, some stubborn part of him was nudging him to at least attempt to make some time for Gerard. With a frustrated sigh, he cursed himself for causing this mess for himself in the first place and sent a text to Gerard that he'd try to stop by at the coffee shop where the older boy worked later today.

*

Frank couldn't help it but he was tempted to squeeze the warm coffee mug in his hand as hard as he could just to relieve his nervousness. He was waiting for Jamia at a diner and was very conscious of the time ticking by. She hadn't showed up and with each second that passed by, he was ready to acknowledge two possibilities: either the note he left in Jamia's locker had somehow miraculously disappeared for the universe knows why or that Jamia had read his note but decided not to show up.

Frank wanted to bet on the former but the latter was equally as reasonable.

It was about a minute later than the time Frank had written on the note but when he heard the bell at the door tinkle, he looked up quickly and saw Jamia there. He felt his mouth go dry at the sight of her but gestured her over to the booth he sat. A huge part of him was relieved that she had finally made it but he couldn't help but feel scared.

The girl saw Frank before walking over. Jamia took the seat across Frank, appearing just as nervous as he looked although Frank was surprised she was the one who spoke first. "Sorry I'm late." She said apologetically, her lips curving upwards at the corners in the slightest. "I was caught in traffic."

Frank knew that wasn't entirely true but he didn't care about that. He gave a dismissive wave of his hand, insisting it was fine before he took a sip of coffee; he tried not to cringe at how much his coffee had cooled. "I'm just really glad you could make it." He passed the laminated menu over to Jamia.

The waitress who'd been hovering nearby approached, clicking her pen while she regarded both teenagers expectantly. "Anything you'd like to order?" She asked.

"Give me a minute." Jamia told the waitress, much to the lady's disappointment, before the girl took a moment to peruse the items on the menu. Frank knew she was using it as an excuse to gather her thoughts but he could hardly blame her as he'd do the same if he were in her place. Once she was done making her decision, she ordered a plate of burger and fries. Then Jamia looked up at Frank.

Without even having to think, Frank reached over and offered his hand. And Jamia took it, giving his hand a tiny squeeze. Her hand felt so warm in his.

"Listen, I --" Both of them had started talking at the same time when they stopped.

"Um did you want to go first?" Frank inquired, feeling his face flush.

Jamia shook her head. "It's alright if you wanna go first. I mean, I can wait."

"Oh, okay." Frank's eyes moved from hers to their hands that held onto each other. If he could focus enough, he'd be able to imagine that this was a regular date of theirs and that nothing remotely bad had come traipsing over and ruining what they had. But he couldn't, and he needed to get the words out before he could catch up with himself.

"Jamia, I'm really sorry about trying to make a move on Gerard when I was in a relationship with you." Frank said contritely. "I also should have told you that I didn't feel the same way about you sooner. I was just scared, y'know, that if I told you the truth I might lose you and we wouldn't be friends after that, but I didn't think about what would happen if you found out when we were least expecting it." He bit his lower lip, putting his other hand over Jamia's.

"Listen, about ... well, about my reaction the other day." Jamia began, looking up at Frank. "I'm sorry I made such a big deal about it --"

"Isn't it a big deal? It looked like I was cheating, wasn't I?" Frank frowned. He wasn't the most experienced person with relationships - Jamia being his first was a proof of that - and all the knowledge he knew about dating came from the media. "Mine and Gerard's faces were really close that if any of us moved closer, we could've kissed."

"No, not that. What I said to you Sunday morning." Jamia's cheeks turned bright red. "I didn't mean to be overdramatic about it --"

"You have the right to be mad at me though."

"It's just I thought you two were gonna start something." Jamia said. "It just reminded me a lot of my last boyfriend - I'm sorry that's a lame excuse." She said.

Frank made a face. "Oh,  _that_  douche. Ugh, I hate him." His nose wrinkled in disgust at the thought of the boy Jamia had dated before him - he caused her a lot of heartbreak and Frank was more than happy to punch the guy's face, breaking the guy's nose and tooth in the process.

"Yea. I saw him making a move on someone else but I didn't complain about it because I believed his lies until I caught him --"

"At the girls' locker room with his hand down some chick's pants." Frank shuddered. "What did you even see in him anyway?"

"I don't wanna remember and I don't wanna try to remember." Jamia cringed. "But the point is I should have talked to you instead of avoiding you." She said. "I'm sorry, Frank."

"Apology accepted."

"Ditto."

"Damn." Frank sighed, patting her hand absentmindedly. "I guess we're good now? So we're just friends?"

"Yep. I think we'd be better off this way." Jamia smiled a smile that made the boy's heart warm. She drew her gaze to Frank's face then to their hands. A pensive expression rested on her features. "This could've turned out worse, but I'm super relieved it didn't."

"Me too. I can't imagine what it'd be like if we stopped talking to each other completely." Frank said. "You've been in my life for so long, I don't think I can handle it if you're not there anymore."

"Retweeted, reblogged and reposted." Jamia said with a laugh and Frank could only shake his head in amusement when the food arrived. The plate of burger and fries looked really delicious.

"To us." Jamia picked on of the fries.

"To us." Frank did the same, grinning.

*

As Frank still had time before his father would be calling him up and asking where he was at, he decided to stop by at the coffee shop where Gerard worked. When he entered the place, he was greeted with the smell of coffee and the sounds of conversations, calming acoustic music and coffee machines bubbling in the background. Peering around, he tried to see if Gerard was present at the counter but he didn't spot the boy anywhere.

The shop was considerably filled with customers that the baristas appeared to be busy serving them all. Since he was here anyway, he decided, on a whim, to buy one of the cakes on display to bring home for his father. As he waited in line, his mind zoned out while waiting until it was his turn.

"I'd like a slice of the blueberry cheesecake, please." Frank told the person who was taking his order, a middle-aged woman with a mass of curled blonde hair. There was something vaguely familiar about her appearance, he thought, wearing a tiny frown as he watched the woman select the cake slice he ordered.

Frank was trying to figure out what aspect of the woman's features that reminded him of someone when a figure came into view from the corner of his eye. "Mom, I think Penny needs help with the oven at the back."

The dark-haired boy looked to see who it was who spoke the same time the person did. Frank was caught off-guard. "Gee. Hey." He smiled just as the woman returned to the counter. He was even more surprised to know that she was Gerard's mother.

"Frankie." Gerard was wearing the same nervous smile Frank had, before he told his mother. "This is my friend from Art class. Frank, this is my mother." He said.

"Nice to meet you, ma'am." Frank extended a hand.

"Nice to meet you too, Frank. You can call me Donna." Gerard's mother shook his hand before giving Frank the cheesecake ordered. When he asked her how much it was, Donna simply shook her head and said, "Oh it's alright, dear. Enjoy your cheesecake."

Frank didn't complain about the free food as he thanked Donna and headed for the door. But before he could cross the threshold, he suddenly didn't want to return home yet.

Well, at least not until he talked to Gerard.

 


	34. thirty-two

Frank sat at a booth near the back of the coffee shop where he had a clear view of the side of the counter where the baristas were working. Gerard had been there a few minutes ago, surprised to see Frank seated there but gestured the younger boy to wait for a bit.

As Frank had nothing to do, he brought out his phone and decided to scroll and tap aimlessly through his apps. It wasn't long till he came across the photo-editing application and his last saved work was the ugly diagram he drew to help him explain to Lindsey about the situation involving him, Jamia and Gerard. He stared at the shapes he drew and the lines he connected to each of them. In that moment, he thought of how it all started, and how much of a mess it'd been in the middle before everything aligned with each other.

"Hey, sorry to keep you waiting." Frank looked up to see Gerard slipping into the booth with two takeaway cups in his hand, sitting across the table. "I was thinking we could go for a walk because it's pretty noisy here. Also, I brought you coffee." The older boy added, although it was hardly necessary for him to mention because Frank could see for himself.

"Thanks, Gee." Accepting the cup of coffee, Frank followed after Gerard out of the shop. The two boys didn't speak much as they walked and instead of being uncomfortable, Frank was content with the silence. They kept walking until they came across a nearby playground. At this time, there were a few kids around although most of them looked no older than seven, chasing one another around in a game of tag.

Gerard and Frank took a seat at an empty bench. The younger boy wrapped his hands around the takeaway cup, feeling the heat seep into his skin. "Busy day at the coffee shop, huh?" It was a lame attempt for a conversation starter but that was all he could think of.

Gerard was carefully removing the lid for the cup with a tiny frown of concentration. "Nah, this is nothing compared to open-mic night. And holiday weekends."

"Well, I'm just glad you're not too busy that we can't talk." Frank said and he thought he saw faint traces of red tinting the older boy's cheeks.

There was a thin line where Gerard's mouth should be as his lips were pressed tightly together. The unfocused look in his eyes implied he was thinking of something. "For me, I'm glad you could make time to see me." He said. "Actually, I wanted to talk about that night at Ryan's party." He went on in a careful tone as if he were afraid it might bring up an uncomfortable topic for Frank; it was hardly necessary although the younger boy appreciated his thoughtfulness.

"Sure. What is it?"

"It's probably not my business," Gerard's foot was tapping out of a nervous gesture. "But Jamia looked pretty upset that night and the following days after. You kinda did too - or that's what I think because you weren't really talking but anyway I hope it's not because of me or whatever and --"

"Gee, slow down." Frank's head was starting to spin when Gerard speaking rate increased with every two words. "What was that?"

"I know it's probably wishful thinking or that I'm just being an ass but is there some misunderstanding between you and Jamia because of me?" Gerard sounded genuinely concerned. "I mean I don't want to be the person who wrecks relationships even though we didn't - y'know --"

"Well." Frank began hesitantly. "It's ... not all about you. But it's more of my fault, really." He looked at Gerard, who was still wearing an expression ridden with guilt and concern. "But Jamia and I sorted it out."

"Oh." The boy's voice was small. "So are you two on good terms and all?"

Frank nodded. "We agreed to break it off and just be friends from now on." He shrugged.

Gerard was silent as he stared down his takeaway cup. Tiny wisps of steam were curling upwards into the air from the coffeee. "Yea, me and Lindsey too. It wasn't really a serious relationship but - I dunno." He sighed.

Frank craned his head to look at him. "You wish it didn't end, right?" He could hear how his own voice had caught in disappointment and hoped it wasn't too obvious because he didn't want to imply such things, especially right after the both of them had broken up with their respective girlfriends.

Gerard shrugged, a conflicted frown resting on his features. "I've liked Lindsey for a long time. It was so fucking awesome being with her and all but then I've been imagining being in a relationship with her for so long --"

"The whole thing didn't meet your expectations?"

"No. It wasn't that. Well, kinda but it was more like ... I realized that it wasn't worth hyping myself up just to impress her and all that. Honestly, it was exhausting: the-not-being-myself part I mean." Gerard sighed. "And I realized she was more of a boss-ass 'don't need nobody to make me complete' type of person."

Frank couldn't help but snort.

"What? It's true!" Gerard's cheeks flushed. "But it was probably for the best anyway." His voice grew quiet. He was staring out at the playground but not quite seeing anything at all past the thoughts that gathered in his head.

Frank was looking at Gerard's pensive expression, wondering what was going on in the boy's mind. Now that he mentioned about that night, the younger boy could remember vaguely what he had wanted to say to him. But he hesitated. Frank wasn't even sure if Gerard was upset about breaking up with Lindsey or not and was having doubts whether what he wanted to say would be the right thing to talk about.

To hell with this. To hell with everything, Frank thought before squaring his shoulders and turning himself so he was facing the red-haired boy. "Gee?"

"Yea?" Gerard was distracted but there was still an amount of clarity in the way he spoke that indicated he wasn't completely lost in his mind.

"Have you ever felt like ... like you're just too slow to realize you really like someone until --" Frank gestured, though that was hardly effective in explaining what he wanted to say. He was frustrated he couldn't word his thoughts because he was very certain he had hit a eureka moment.

"Like you and me?"

"Yes - Wait, what?" Frank froze, rounding onto Gerard. His eyes had grown wide with incredulity and so were the older boy's.

"Not that I was assuming you like me in any way." Gerard said quickly, drawing his gaze to skywards when faint traces of color tinted his cheeks. "Hypothetically it'd be possible but realistically speaking, the odds that you --"

"I do like you." It wasn't the three-word-phrase Frank had been planning to say but it was good enough for him to get the point across. He could feel blood pulsing in his veins, his stomach was knotted in anticipation.

Gerard couldn't say anything for a few seconds when he looked at Frank hesitantly. "Me?" He sounded faintly surprised but at the same time, not quite.

Frank couldn't help but frown although it was more out of amusement than offense. "Who else was I talking to? Myself?" The corners of his lips pulled into a grin.

Gerard spared a moment to look around. "You have a point there." He mumbled.

"Gee?"

"Yea?"

"You haven't said anything." Frank's voice was soft.

"Frankie, I'm pretty sure I did."

"You know what I mean." Frank was certain Gerard was trying his best to act cool about it because, despite how his mouth pressed together into thin straight line, the right corner of his mouth was curving upwards as if on its own volition.

A second passed. Then another. Gerard was going strong nearly four complete seconds when he looked over at the younger boy and the serious expression he was struggling to keep broke away to reveal his crooked grin and eyes full of mirth. "Okay! Fine! You got me. Sheesh." Gerard elbowed the boy beside him.

"Sheesh  _yourself_." Frank elbowed him back, chuckling as he shook his head. Warmth was spreading outwards from his chest, creating a buzz in his veins that not even heavily caffeinated coffee could match. And he couldn't stop grinning either.

The two boys didn't say anything but no words were necessary as all they needed were each other's presence for now.

"Well, I hate to break the moment but this is awkward." Gerard laughed, shifting in his seat; even if he was trying to he super casual about it, Frank knew he had moved closer.

So Frank did the same. If one of them wanted, they could lean just a quarter of an inch closer and turn their head for a kiss. A kiss would be nice, he thought.

"You're awkward."

"No, I believe that's you." Gerard booped Frank's nose playfully. "Not me. Because I was smooth as fuck the whole time."

Frank scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Excuse you but you're the one who spilled coffee on yourself when we met."

"I don't remember that." Gerard said but the flush on his cheeks belied him. He was biting his lower lip, his right index finger and thumb tugging on a loose thread poking out from the fabric of his jeans. Slowly, his eyes traveled away from his thigh to Frank's face. "So is this the part where I get to kiss you?"

Frank laughed. "If you wanted a kiss, you should've said so."

"Consent." Gerard jabbed a finger in the air.

"Just get over here." Frank placed his hand on Gerard's face and leaned in. The older boy moved towards him but he leaned in too fast so they ended up with a kiss that started off with lips that were pressed on each other too hard, accidentally knocking on the other person's teeth but once they angled their faces, Frank thought it was the most perfect kiss he had.

The sounds of childrens' laughter began to fade over the sounds of the two boys' heartbeats.


	35. end

"Mom, can I put Nathan down? He's heavy." Frank said through his forced rictus of a smile as he struggled to hold his gurgling half-brother while his mother snapped away what felt like two hundred photos of him in his graduation robes.

"You only graduate once from high school." Linda said brightly as she gave a thumbs up to her son.

Relieved, Frank put Nathan down but not before the toddler made a protesting noise. "That's if I don't flunk my exams." He mumbled under his breath. His arms hurt, his face hurt and he was certain that if more parts of his body would hurt after the day ended he would make it a point to go to church and pray that God throw in a miracle or two to save his grades. Despite that, Frank was actually happy that his mother and her family could attend his graduation ceremony. He looked around but his father was nowhere in sight. Anthony was here awhile ago but he had gone to the bathroom after helping Linda take a picture with Nathan and hadn't returned yet.

Thinking her son was looking for his friends, Linda told Frank that she'd be waiting at the seats reserved for family members of the graduating students.

Giving both his mother and his half-brother quick hugs, Frank wandered off to look for his friends.

The graduation ceremony was held in the school's multipurpose hall so the space was packed with this year's students and their families alike. He caught the sight of a few people he recognized but never knew the name of and found his friends. They were all huddling up and taking group selfies while trying not to look tearful in the pictures. Except for Brendon. He was wiping away his tears constantly and going on about how he'd miss everyone.

Frank looked around once more; the people he was finding still hadn't made themselves visible among the crowd yet. Biting his lip, he cursed inwardly at his height and stood on his tiptoes when he felt someone tap his shoulder. Thinking it was Tony, who had been going up to everyone he knew for selfies, he waved the person off, saying, "I'm trying to find someone right now, can you ask me for a selfie later?"

"Finding who?" The voice asked amusedly. Frank turned to find Jamia behind him, giving him a questioning but playful look. She was grinning.

Frank couldn't help but grin back as the two pulled each other into a lingering hug. "Happy graduation day, Jemmy."

"Jeez, Frank. But, ditto." Jamia laughed against him before drawing back. Like everyone else, there were traces of tears she had shed which were visible from her wet eyelashes. "So, any plans for summer?" She asked.

"Eat, sleep and play video games." Frank answered with a lighthearted smile. "You gotta keep that list short and simple."

Jamia shook her head in amusement. "Well, if that works for you. Listen, I gotta find my family so I'll catch up with you later." Patting the boy's shoulder she walked away into the crowd.

Once she was out of sight, Frank continued his search. He didn't make much progress because the place was crowded. With a tiny frustrated sigh, he went near the sides of the hall and reached for his phone in his pocket. As he was typing, someone came up to him. He didn't give much attention to who it was but when the person put their hand over his screen, he had to see who it was.

Gerard grinned. "Yo, Frankie." He moved his hand away and the two boys hugged.

Despite the crease that formed on his brow, Frank was smiling. "Yo, Frankie?" He echoed questioningly, his arm still slung around Gerard, when he saw a tall boy with a shock of light brown curling hair. "Hey Ray." He greeted, exchanging fist-bumps with the boy.

"It's a new thing I'm trying out." Gerard explained. "What do you think?"

Both Ray and Frank's noses wrinkled that they weren't liking it at all. The tall boy shook his head but shrugged while Frank said, "No."

Gerard didn't appear to have cared because he seemed pleased about Frank holding him. "Anyway, Ray and I thought we'd invite you to hang out with us at his place for video games." He explained. "You up for that?"

"Yea, that sounds cool." Frank nodded.

Ray grinned before he gestured at the crowd, gave a mock salute to Frank and Gerard and left.

"He going to find his parents." Gerard said though it was hardly necessary.

"Cool." Frank said when Gerard wrapped his free arm around the younger boy into an embrace. Smiling for the camera hurt his cheeks but smiling because of his boyfriend's affectionate gesture came as easily as breathing. He buried his face in Gerard's shoulder, letting the boy's warmth seep into him.

"What are your plans for summer?" Frank asked before pushing away a few strands of hair that was falling over Gerard's face.

"I'm thinking of taking up an internship with a graphic design company for the meantime." Gerard kissed the tip of Frank's nose. "You?"

"I'm not really sure."

"Ooh, join me!"

"I'd love to." Frank said. "But I'm not too good with digital art or editing --"

"Oh stop selling yourself short." Gerard smacked his arm lightly. "You've gotten better this year when I taught you the basics."

"Yea, but that was only because I was shit at drawing --"

"Um, where exactly is the proof?"

Frank scoffed, rolling his eyes. "I still draw faces that look like eggplants." He said.

"Christ, your obsession with eggplants worry me." Gerard said, pressing the back of his hand to Frank's forehead, to which the younger boy swatted away with a laugh. "And besides, you've gotten better since we dated." He added.

"Only because of you." Frank responded, leaning closer so that the tips of their noses touched - this was something he liked to do to Gerard because the older boy would never resist angling his face so their lips would touch.

And Gerard did.

Frank had a list of favorite things to do and kissing Gerard would obviously be at the top of that list. He slipped his arms around the boy's neck, tilting his head slightly to the back. He could feel Gerard's heartbeat against his chest, thumping as fast as he did. Warmth was flowing in his veins from the kiss, creating a happy buzzing in him that made everything else fade away.

"You are the most adorable person I've ever met." Gerard said with a laugh as he pulled back. "I'll see you tonight, babe." He said.

"Ditto."

But Frank and Gerard weren't ready to part ways yet. They ended up kissing each other again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of Sketch!
> 
> A huge shout-out and many hugs to everyone who has taken the time to read this book. Seriously, y'all are the best and I cannot express my gratitude for each and all of your support!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


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